Satire

Satire: A groundbreaking study confirming Abrahamic religions have been talking about being stoned this whole time

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued as actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental. An interdisciplinary analysis nobody asked for, but everyone NEEDED. For centuries, scholars have insisted that references to “stoning” in religious ...

AU To Tackle Debt Problem With Just One More Quad Festival

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued as actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental. We see it everyday: rising tuition costs, programs threatened to be cut. Pretty soon, Kogod School of Business students may be forced to start coloring ...

Satire: Microsoft introduces NoDrive in latest AI war venture

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued as actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental. Earlier today, following the runaway success of Microsoft OneDrive, lauded by critics as “infuriating” and “frustrating,” Microsoft CEO John ...

The Seagle launches an even better AU strategic plan

Here at the Seagle, we’re elated to announce this semester’s strategic plan! Eagle-eyed (haha, get it?) readers might say “Hey, aren’t these plans supposed to last longer than a standard pregnancy?” Well, yes. But they haven’t worked yet, so them’s the breaks.  The strategic plan ...

Satire: Republicans Endorse Same-Sex Relationships in an Effort to Prevent Abortions

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued as actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental. In a surprising break from tradition, Republican leaders held a press conference today to express support for same-sex marriage — in an effort to ...

Satire: AU faces backlash over new consultant group SUCCS

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued as actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental. Facing a mounting budget deficit and sustained federal attacks on secondary education, American University has looked to a little-known consultant ...

Scientists shocked to find Kogod students share nearly 100% of genetic information with homo sapiens

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued as actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental. In a groundbreaking study, American University’s young scientists have discovered that students at the Kogod School of Business have almost the exact ...

How to dismiss Iranian women’s oppression: A professional development guide for emerging solidarity leaders

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued as actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is fictional. Hello, fellow culture gurus, it’s your silly satirist back again with yet another professional development opportunity. Today’s workshop is designed ...

Satire: A measured response from Gen Alpha

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued as actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental. Dear Gen Z,  My name is Bryden Rorech. I’m 12 years old. And yes, I’m part of Gen Alpha. Go ahead and laugh. Laugh, like you always do. In ...

Satire: Trump Administration Declares It Summer

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued as actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental. WASHINGTON - After several heated confrontations with members of the press in the Oval Office today, President Trump pivoted away from a discussion ...

Satire: Decolonize everything except tuition

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued as actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is fictional. The word “decolonize” is everywhere at American University: on syllabi, flyers, tote bags and PowerPoints. We’ve decolonized our language, learning, ...

Satire: Local student awarded environmental prize for only dating girls on his floor.

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued as actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental. American University is proud to report that freshman Isaiah Sternberg has been awarded the highly prestigious Goldman Environmental Prize for his pledge ...

Satire: Newest AU professor exposed as two students in a trenchcoat

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued as actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental. Outrage erupted on campus yesterday as students were shocked to learn that the beloved first-year government professor, Toukid Intrench, is not who ...

Satire: For your consideration: Donald J. Trump (President of Peace)

Hollywood has given Oscars to method actors, comeback stories and men who whisper into microphones for three hours. Considering how easy it was for them, is it really such a big deal if we give Trump the Nobel Peace Prize? And who better to receive this towering honor than President Donald J. Trump: ...

Satire: Top 6 reasons to graduate early

Everyone is doing it, after all.

Satire: ‘Poop Wicked 2’

For poop

Satire: Which Seagle writer are you?