That’s right — you actively asked us not to, and we listened … to ourselves.
After the pants-dropping and butt-plopping success of Poop Wicked 2, we couldn’t keep it in. Journalism is like a great amount of pee: smelly and unstoppable (and streaming!). So now, our real passion project, The Whiz, is coming to your favorite streaming platform’s favorite streaming platform, The Eagle Online brought to you by Fubo TV and sponsored by WeGovy. WeGovy, “let’s lose that weight, Jack. And by Jack we mean peerless satire writer Jack Leary (magic spell pending).”
You may know him from his barely legal brother, but now Jack’s back and better than ever as the controversial director behind Cats the Musical (extra butthole version) lends his talents to a new revival of the Wiz. Featuring some of your favorite, and least favorite bladder-busting piss-alongs like:
- Main Title/Overflow
- Overflow (Part Poo)
- The feeling that we have (of having to pee) (ehh but we can hold on)
- Can I Go (Pee)
- Glinda’s Stream
- He’s the Whizz(ard) / Digestion of the munchkins
- Soon As I Get Home / I’m gonna Pee
- You Can’t Pass Wind
- Pees on Down the Bowl #1
- What Would I Do If I Could Hold (It) (my pee!)
- Slide Some Oil To Me (still works) / Now Watch Me Dance (also still works)
- Pees on Down the Bowel #1 #2
- Pissy Girls
Act Two:
- I’m a’ Leakin’
- End of The Yellow Pee Hole
- Emerald Shitty Pee-quence
- So You Wanted to Pee on the Whizard
- Is This What Peeing Wets? (my pants)
- Don’t Nobody Relieve Themselves On My Shoes
- Looking at you Jack Leary.
- Urination Agitato / A You-Tee-Eye / Irritation Bad Day
- Relieve on Yourself
- The Good Piss Glinda
- Home (where I pissssss :) )
Starring:
- Michael Jackson as Pisscrow (He’s back, baybee). WARNING: Cannot legally be pictured beside the munchkins
- Ariana Grande as the Whizard? Idk it’s been a while
- Cynthia Erivo as the other Whizard. Also they kiss.
- Alana Parker as disgraced opinion editor Alana Parker
- Sabrina Carpenter as Blonde Horny Dorothy
- AWOL staff as the delightful singing munchkin ensemble
- The Rival staff as the disgruntled mumbling munchkin ensemble
- Kristi Noem with her boobs taped down as Uncle Henry
- Kristi Noem’s bimbofied husband as Mrs. Turnblad from Hairspray (the movie)
- India Sieke as dishonorably discharged satire editor and Hill staffer to Kristi Noem
- Peeing After Sex as A Safe and Beneficial Practice For Us All to Do
- Your one School of Communications professor who always stands next to you at the urinal and asks what your favorite part of his lecture was as Toto
- Chicago’s Own Pope Leo XIV as the Good Witch of the North (this is a real character)
- BLANK BLANK as Headwinky
- Justin Trudeau as Canadian Emerald City Resident
- Katy Perry as Canadian Emerald City Resident’s Mistress
- Jasmine Shi(t) as Peeing Flying Monkey
- Erika Kirk as Piss Glinda
- Druski as Erika Kirk
- Jake Paul as Druski
- Poop Dawgy Dog as Himself (again)
- Helen Keller as herself
- Timothy Chalamet as the toilet (for your consideration)
- Michael B. Jordan as Pee
- Michael B. Jordan as Poopstack
- MrBeast as wealthy emerald city munchkin flexing on the masses
- Eric’s mother as mother to Aidan
- Anny Shao as professional acupuncturist and mother to Jasmine and doctor to Eric’s mother, also New Jersian
- Adam DiPietro as “funny one” in sibling relationship to satire editor Domenic DiPietro
- India Sieke as loud-mouthed homosexual
- Aidan Dowell as more-so legal but still a little dicey Brendan Leary
Hey everybody, soon to be washed up star director Jack Leary here. Before we finished filming, Jasmine, Aidan and India all died. They’re gonna tell you it has something to do with the fact that I didn't allow any toilets on set (ironically) because it’s a distraction (seriously). What did you think of them? Did you have a crush on any of them? If so, which? TBH and rate? That’s what they would’ve wanted. Will NOT be missed tho. Rest in Peace. Rest in … Piss? We had a Wicked good time. I’m Jack Leary, and this is AWOL.
C’est Fini
This article was written by Satire with help from an Etsy witch. We’re no Alana…
Edited by Domenic DiPietro, Aidan Dowell, Addie DiPaolo and Gabrielle McNamee. Copy editing done by Avery Grossman and Arin Burrell.
satire@theeagleonline.com
