Satire

Opinion

Satire: AU commits to announcing spring 2021 plans when they feel like it

By Owen Boice | October 23

Decision to be based on mounting financial losses

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Opinion

Satire: Lonely Republican student changes Zoom background to ‘I heart capitalism’

By Owen Boice | October 14

Finding other Republicans at AU may be one computer click away

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Opinion

Satire: Debate fly probably dead by now

By Bobbie Armstrong | October 8

It was fun while it lasted

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Opinion

Satire: Wonk Cat takes semester off to backpack through Europe

By Owen Boice | September 19

Campus’s only feline resident defers for a semester after classes go online

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Opinion

Satire: AU leaves Blackboard for younger, hotter educational platform

By Bobbie Armstrong | September 1

The grass is always greener on the next assignment

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Opinion

Satire: 5 ways to spend the 10 percent you’re saving on tuition

By Bobbie Armstrong | August 20

You can splurge on a large at Philz now!

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Opinion

Satire: AU announces plan to welcome 7,500 revenue streams back to campus

By Owen Boice | June 28

University to welcome students’ payments this fall, some instruction may occur

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Opinion

Satire: Professor actually conducts class competently online

By Owen Boice | April 30

Students are not the only ones struggling to adapt to remote instruction

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Opinion

Satire: Infamous Georgetown reject applies to transfer again

By Grace Barry | March 2

AU sophomore tackles the application process once more

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Opinion

Satire: Quiet student finally speaks up in class discussion and makes controversial comment

By Owen Boice | February 22

For the first time this semester, one AU sophomore decided to speak

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Opinion

Satire: Starbucks wall word search is just too difficult for students to crack

By Justin Poulin | February 20

Elementary level puzzle stumps hundreds of elites

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Opinion

Satire: AU student discovers math is taught differently in her old high school

By Owen Boice | February 6

AU freshman made a remarkable finding over holiday break

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Opinion

Satire: AU closes off gateway to Narnia

By Justin Poulin | February 4

Exit to TDR has led to disappearance of over fifty students in strange realm

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Opinion

Satire: Rats outside Cassell and McDowell halls finally brings a sense of community to AU

By Justin Poulin | December 6

Explosion in rat population labeled as “welcome sight” by administration 

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Opinion

Satire: SPA student stuffs turkey with voter registration forms

By Bobbie Armstrong | November 26

There’s nothing like the taste of gravy and democracy at work

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Opinion

Satire: Students form new club to avoid math Core requirement

By Owen Boice | November 20

AU Students Against Math express frustration over math requirement

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Opinion

Satire: “Eat Good Do Good” wall in TDR falls to reveal files of unsent financial aid

By Justin Poulin | November 1

The greatest scavenger hunt of all time comes to an end

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