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Thursday, May 23, 2024
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Satire Seagle

Satire: Freshmen charmed by quaint, poverty stricken streets of Georgetown

“I’m glad I can donate my money to such a worthy cause as Baked & Wired.”

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued for actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental.

Strolling down a quiet side street in Georgetown, American University freshman Amy Colston expressed both shock and awe at what she termed “the simple, but no less fulfilling, life of the people of Georgetown.”

“It’s just so inspiring,” Colston said, stepping into the Lush store to ask the employees if they grew the avocados in the Avocado Acne Peel themselves. “Reminds me of the mission trip I went on to Ohio.”

Colston said she came to AU to get away from the monotony of the Hamptons, and experience the nitty gritty of city life. 

“I really wanted to get out of my comfort zone,” said Colston, peering into Urban Outfitters with a look of morbid curiosity on her face. “The sidewalks here aren’t even paved. It’s like something out of one of those movies.”

Other freshmen have reported similar experiences upon seeing Georgetown for the first time. Jacob Denton said he had the best meal of his life at a “shack” on a sidestreet that served chicken for only $8. 

“I had never seen something like that,” Denton said. “It really opened my eyes to how other people all over the world live. Plus, it was really good chicken.”

A poll conducted by the Office of Student Life found that 42 percent of freshmen thought Georgetown Cupcake was a charity organization and that the Amazon Bookstore was where you went if you couldn’t afford a Prime membership. 

“I’m thankful that I was able to buy a $3 macaron to help Catholic University of America students in need afford books for the semester,” Colston said. 

Bobbie Armstrong is a sophomore in the School of Communication and a satire columnist at The Eagle.

Section 202 host Gabrielle and friends go over some sports that aren’t in the sports media spotlight often, and review some sports based on their difficulty to play. 

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