Satire

Opinion

Satire: University president calls for an end to Discrimination with Roberts H. Shoeretopman Higginbotham Daughenbaugh Housing Project

By Meliha Ural | November 28

Syrwell is the first president to make a diversity and equity project a reality

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Opinion

Satire: A sit-down interview with an RA

By India Siecke | November 15

Answering your burning questions for these underpaid heroes 

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Opinion

Satire: Tragic! Kind of hot 19-year-old in your class is balding

By India Siecke | November 8

The premature aging you can't escape

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Opinion

Satire: American University community reacts to the only interesting thing that has ever happened in Tenleytown

By The Seagle Staff | October 31

The world is still picking up the pieces after the holy ground of the Tenleytown Wawa was  shaken by a shocking display of juvenile violence 

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Opinion

Nine vegetarian dining options on campus

By India Siecke | September 22

A guide to help our herbivorian peers make the most of that mandatory meal plan 

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Opinion

The Kogod guy who cared

By Jared Bowes | June 9

A Seagle poem

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Opinion

Satire: AU administration under fire as sentient flames claim new alarm system is discriminatory

By Jared Bowes | May 5

Flames deemed "incapable of damage" due to color

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Opinion

Satire: Top 7 things AU students are looking forward to for summer break

By India Siecke | May 5

Let’s stop pretending Joe Biden is your neighbor

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Opinion

Satire: AU requires Duo two-factor authentication during intimate activities

By India Siecke | April 28

After requiring two-factor authentication on all students’ Canvas and email accounts, the University takes its robust security measures to the residence halls

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Opinion

Satire: How to ruin your parents’ marriage (if it isn’t already broken)

By Jasmine Shi | April 19

Strategies and benefits to take monetary advantage over the suffering of others

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Opinion

Satire: American University introduces new ‘Eagle Light’ service

By Jasmine Shi | March 27

Giant Eagles will begin replacing campus police when an alarm in the ‘Blue Light’ station sounds

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Opinion

Satire: Students bite back after dog-directed blog drops ball with publishing

By Jared Bowes | February 22

After hiring a poodle to manage the SPA blog, contributors leave in protest

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News

Satire: The Seagle’s satire writers in crisis: It’s just too easy

By India Siecke | February 16

A comical fall semester has led to existential dread over the spring

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Opinion

Satire: In rare feat never seen before, student takes 18 credits and tells no one

By India Siecke | February 15

“I’ve been hearing rumors about this individual for weeks, but I’m still unsure of her existence,” one professor said.

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Opinion

Satire: Shocking! Male CLEG major asks relevant question

By India Siecke | February 7

In a twist of fate no one could have predicted, a male CLEG major asked an on-topic question

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Opinion

Satire: New lockout policy leaves students living in the lounges

By Jared Bowes | February 3

Can’t afford to sleep in your own bed? Try a lounge couch today!

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Opinion

Satire: Student Health Center declares a state of emergency as frat flu destroys campus

By Jared Bowes | February 2

The student body fights back against the flu with mass migration to urgent care

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