Satire

Opinion

Satire: AU-themed haunted house cancelled for being too frightening

By Owen Boice | October 25

Following student complaints, the haunted house is no more

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Opinion

Satire: Students protest against improvements to AU dining from Chartwells

October 22

Students disappointed by lack of food poisoning with new meal provider

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Opinion

Satire: Hilltern finally stops talking about internship

By Owen Boice | October 22

AU sophomore stopped talking about his Capitol Hill internship on Thursday

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Opinion

Satire: University receives $3M donation to build athletic facility majority of students will avoid

By Bobbie Armstrong | October 15

University will take numerous precautions to notify students of facility’s location

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Opinion

Satire: AU Students march for Global Metal Straw Awareness Week

By Justin Poulin | October 8

Students are saving the world one straw at a time

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Opinion

Satire: Five places to hide your Juul pods before your parents get off the elevator

By Bobbie Armstrong | October 7

Thank goodness the elevators are slow!

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Opinion

Satire: Construction scheduled for most inconvenient locations on campus

By Owen Boice | October 3

Students struggle to adapt to disruptive construction projects

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Opinion

Satire: AU grad student exhibits new art piece: “Scents of Society”

By Caeden Cloud | October 3

What’s that smell? It’s a new immersive art experience

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Opinion

Satire: Aramark: In Memoriam

By Caeden Cloud | September 4

The Seagle takes a look back at the AU community’s favorite experiences with Aramark

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Opinion

Satire: Ranking the most haunted buildings at AU

By Lauren Patetta | April 12

Note: The ranking system used here is based entirely off of the general vibe I get when walking into each building. It’s ghosts, there’s not really an exact science to it.  1. Kogod School of Business  Despite being the most cursed place on campus, Kogod is far from the most haunted. Sure, ...

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Opinion

Satire: TDR is the best food place in D.C.

By Caeden Cloud | April 11

It’s time that we truly appreciate just how good AU’s dining hall is

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Opinion

Satire: AU student believes he’s uncovered the truth about the Megabytes closure

By Caeden Cloud | April 4

Zach Langley, the Seagle’s favorite conspiracy theorist, has new ideas about the shutdown of the popular sandwich shop

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Opinion

Beyond the Byline, Episode 7: The Seagle takes over

By Chris Whitbeck , Sasha Jones and Evan Margiotta | April 1

While Evan's away, the satire crew comes to play

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Opinion

Satire: Food insecure students resolve to just stop eating altogether

By Lauren Patetta | March 29

Students are instead getting by on rainwater and school spirit

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Columns

Satire: Administration Stress: the mental health crisis on campus

By Nickolaus Mack | March 28

Jack Child Hall to offer naptime and sippy cup sessions for developing university administrators

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Opinion

Satire: Something's burning. But students aren't moving.

By Bobbie Armstrong | March 27

Kind of like a campfire, but electrical

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Opinion

Satire: Administration commits $61 million towards photoshopping diversity into recruitment brochures

By Bobbie Armstrong | March 18

Diversity that’s a little one-dimensional

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