Satire

Opinion

Satire: Campus-wide email blast ghost writer quits: ‘I can’t take the pressure’

By Owen Boice | January 24

Low engagement rate contributes to staffing change

---

Opinion

Satire: First-year student returns home for Thanksgiving with entirely new personality

By Nora Sullivan | December 16

Family weighs in: Who is Kant, and what has he done with my son?

---

Opinion

Satire: Triumphant escape: Exclusive interview with Wonk Cat

By Nora Sullivan | December 15

Wonk Cat talks cottage life, crochet and fine art

---

Opinion

Satire: University offers staff union breadcrumbs in lieu of raise and benefits

By Owen Boice | December 9

AU adjusts slogan to “Change Can’t Wait (some restrictions may apply)”

---

Opinion

Satire: Office of Campus Life issues statement on burnout

By Nora Sullivan | December 2

'We ask that students be mindful of the burden they place on the administration when they engage in the 'burnout' lifestyle'

---

Opinion

Satire: Students forget how to take notes by hand

By Nora Sullivan | November 17

‘I haven’t written anything down in two years’

---

Opinion

Satire: Library books disappointed no one checks them out anymore

By Owen Boice | November 11

Tensions rise as rogue books take action

---

Opinion

Satire: Student researcher discovers sizable portion of classmates are future war criminals

By Owen Boice | November 5

Next most popular careers include robber barons and corporate lobbyists

---

Opinion

Satire: A conversation with AU’s 4 most successful fall-breakers

By Nora Sullivan | November 1

‘Classes are a nuisance to the resume. Now that they’re canceled for the day, go get that Hillternship!’

---

Opinion

Satire: New epidemic sweeps campus: imposter syndrome

By Nora Sullivan | October 20

Novel strain proves most dangerous strain yet

---

Opinion

Satire: Sticky note messages on dorm windows lacking in creativity this fall

By Owen Boice | October 12

Director of admissions says sticky notes are important recruitment effort for prospective parents

---

Opinion

Satire: Student walks in other direction to avoid potentially awkward encounter with Zoom classmate

By Owen Boice | September 23

“If I had said hello, what would we have even talked about?”

---

Opinion

Satire: Lone mask on sidewalk outside Hughes has seen better days

By Owen Boice | September 15

“When I was back on the shelf at Target, in a plastic case with four friends, that was a lot more fun”

---

Opinion

Satire: Students resort to passing notes during class

By Owen Boice | September 8

Transition to in-person learning exacerbated by absence of Zoom private chat feature

---

Opinion

Satire: The fall 2021 guide to making friends on campus

By Nora Sullivan | September 6

The Seagle’s guide to a successful semester

---

Opinion

Satire: Catching up with AU’s five science majors

By Nora Sullivan | August 2

Science students take comfort in their new space away from political science majors

---

Opinion

Satire: AU requires COVID vaccines to bolster University’s liberal reputation

By Nora Sullivan | July 28

AU community breathes a sigh of relief 

---