Special

Housing and Dining helps students move off campus

For those students who have decided to live off campus for the first time next fall, the end of spring semester can be a stressful time. Ed Gilhool, the associate director of Housing and Dining Programs, said he gets questions each spring from students who are nervous about beginning the search for a house or apartment.

Who lives off campus?

Statistics about who lives where.

Quiz: What's your 'hood?

If you thought choosing a dorm was hard, try picking a neighborhood. Choosing to live off campus is an exciting decision, but it's hard to know where to start. Once you've figured out the right home base for your needs you can start looking for your new home. The Eagle staff has compiled this quick and dirty quiz to help you pick out your home away from home.

Tired of dorm life? Here's where you can go

Having trouble picking a place to live next semester? Not sure if you want quiet and serene or loud and exciting? Here are just a few of your options when looking for that perfect apartment.

Toxic fumes mutate ppl

Several AU students have developed strange physical deformities after prolonged exposure to mysterious steam that has been emanating from the side of the McKinley Building for years. The Student Health Center has reported more than 15 cases in the past month of students who have changed color or grown extra body parts after walking through the steam every day on their way to class.

Crane squishes squirrels, student

The main construction crane over the new School of International Service building site collapsed yesterday on the main quad, crushing three buildings and killing one student and two-thirds of AU's population of black squirrels. "Bummer," University Architect Gnarls Acorn said during the crash.

Facebook much more accurately represent who I am as a human-being

Listen ... we need to talk. I really appreciate you coming over here to talk to me and everything, and I would love to go out on that date with you! Really ... I would. But I just don't think that you would get to know the real me. No ... if you really want to be my friend, then let me direct you to my Facebook page.

AIG exec jacks CAS

The new dean of the College of Arts and Sciences will be one of the American International Group's former executives, AU President Keil Nerwin announced Tuesday at the university's annual World War I munitions scavenger hunt. Jack Dessantos, who resigned from his position as executive vice president of AIG's financial products unit Monday, has all the right credentials for the position, Nerwin said.

A message from The Scene staff

Rant: Fuck you Bike Thief

Dear AU Bike Thief, Really? I mean ... seriously? Which one of you fuckers took my bike? I'm not made of money. I can't afford to go out and just buy another bike. No, I need to fuckin' work for it and then buy it. Oh yeah, and by the time that happens the SCHOOL YEAR WILL BE OVER! You make me sick Bike Thief .

Letters to the editor

On the Publick Problem of copius newsprints For Preventing the Independent Newspaper, from being a Burden to the University and its Scholars; and for making it beneficial to the Publick. It is a melancholy Object to those, who walk through the grounds of this University; when they see the Benches, the Desks and the Floors littered with the strident graphic Endeavors of the Scriveners among us importuning the Student Body to engage in the arduous strain of sustained attention at Reading.

Metro launches fleet of rail cars for road

Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority officials announced plans Monday to improve the Metrorail system with a new fleet of rail cars that will travel on the road. The new cars - called Metrorail Express - will dramatically improve the speed and quality of a ride on Metrorail, WMATA spokesman Marshall Thompkins said during a press conference.

gEt yO jUiCe oN, aU. HaYy!

For years, AU students have longed to hear the traditional sounds of the metallic ping of aluminum bats hitting cowhide baseballs that signal the return of spring at college campuses across America. Those baseball fanatics will have to wait no more, as AU has finally returned the great American pastime to campus this spring.

TDR reduces waste, eliminates plates!!!

An environmental studies class and Bon Appetit, AU's on-campus food management service, will remove plates and bowls from the Terrace Dining Room Monday in an effort to make AU more environmentally friendly. The two groups have been colluding for the past six weeks, occasionally removing trays from the dining hall to gauge student reactions and determine if fewer trays decrease waste.

Of course I always read War and Peace in public places

This day could not get any better. Here I sit in Mary Graydon Center, enjoying the hustle and bustle of busy students passing and the idle chatter of some cute sorority girls. There is only one thing that could make this day any better - reading War and Peace right here in the middle of MGC! What did you just ask me? "Why would I read 'War and Peace' in the middle of this crowded area," you asked? Well .

It's all laughs for the NY Yankees

The New York Yankees announced today that they have signed designated hitter Billy Crystal to a three-year, $12 million contract. Crystal, a noted comedian and filmmaker who came to the club several weeks ago as a long shot non-roster invitee, has surprised many, not only earning a place on the 25-man roster, but also a lucrative deal to boot.

Op-Ed: Kerwin: Give us STIs now!

President Kerwin, give us STIs and STDs now! The Office of Campus Life is failing to provide appropriate services to the AU community. Recent studies from the Campus Life Climate survey indicate that students are stressed out, engaging in dangerous behavior, smoking cigarettes and drinking copious amounts of alcohol.