The new dean of the College of Arts and Sciences will be one of the American International Group's former executives, AU President Keil Nerwin announced Tuesday at the university's annual World War I munitions scavenger hunt.
Jack Dessantos, who resigned from his position as executive vice president of AIG's financial products unit Monday, has all the right credentials for the position, Nerwin said.
"Dessantos is experienced at stealing money, and we are an institution that people steal money from," he said. "It sounds to us like a good match, and he will probably get rich thanks to the beginning of this beautiful friendship."
After Dessantos received a $742,006 "retention bonus" from the failing insurance corporation, he announced he was quitting the company in a half-page-long article in The New York Times. AU immediately pinpointed him as a stellar candidate for the CAS position.
Dessantos said in a prepared statement he had spent the last 10 years spending taxpayers' money unwisely and was confident he could achieve such results again.
He said he has a bold new plan for CAS, with includes the course "Acting Tough in Every Situation" in the general education requirements and to incorporates "Creative (or Enterprising) Writing Solutions" into every class. Accounting will not be required for any CAS students, since "that kind of work is for pencil-pushers," according to Dessantos.
He also plans to improve relations with the School of Communication's Public Communication department after an ongoing feud between the schools resulted in a small forest fire.
Nerwin said he did not expect there would be any problems with Dessantos' former employer, AIG.
"Certain individuals got upset that Dessantos was fairly given his paycheck," Nerwin said, rolling his eyes. "Even before Congress had to stick its nose in, Dessantos said he was donating the money he worked hard to earn to the unemployed."
Dessantos donated "enough money for a Whopper" to a local homeless man, according one of his aides, after Congress passed a bill taxing 90 percent of bonuses paid to AIG executives.
The CAS dean-designate said he hoped he could live up to the legacy of responsible administration at AU, citing the name of former AU President Len Badner.
Badner was commended for his exceptional years of service to the university in 2005 when the board of trustees rewarded him with a $3.75 million severance package.
"After Dessantos has worked long and hard to bring about change students talk about for years to come, then we'll consider what kind of reward he deserves," Nerwin said. "But I fully expect he'll put his nose to the grindstone and frivol away some of our university's hard-earned money."
The CAS Dean Search Committee originally nominated renowned former NASDAQ Chairman Bernard Madoff for the position in February, but Madoff politely declined the offer as he was handcuffed by a U.S. marshal and pushed into a nondescript van.
You can reach this staff writer at lgagaaa@thealbatrossonline.com.
