The main construction crane over the new School of International Service building site collapsed yesterday on the main quad, crushing three buildings and killing one student and two-thirds of AU's population of black squirrels.
"Bummer," University Architect Gnarls Acorn said during the crash. "There goes another one."
The cause for the collapse, which occurred at 11:34 a.m., is unknown, according to Acorn. He said wind gusts, which topped out at 8 miles per hour, might have been to blame.
The crane effectively crushed the majority of the Ward Circle Building, Hurst and SIS buildings. Despite 11:20 a.m. being a popular time for classes to be scheduled, only one student - Myke Locke - was killed. Locke was a super senior in the School of Communication and design editor for The Albatross.
Eyewitnesses said Locke's last words in his College Writing class were "I thought fifth time was the charm ... am I ever going to pass?"
While damages to the three buildings were severe, the lawn and flowers in the quad remained completely untouched. Nevertheless, Facilities Management Director Billy Smooter said the groundskeeping staff will rip out all of the current flowers anyway and replace them with new buds. He refused to comment as to why he commanded the change.
However, the biggest cause for student outrage was the death of 4,200 black squirrels, or about 64 percent of the school's population.
Public Safety officers whirred by on their T-3 scooters past the buildings buried in rubble to help resuscitate the rodents. Ambulances from Sibley and Georgetown University hospitals made dozens of transports and shut down part of Nebraska Avenue to house an impromptu medical screening facility.
Some students attributed the crane's faint smell of paninis as the reason for the attraction of the squirrels to the area, while others blamed the gray squirrels.
"How dare they!" said Rachel Blackwater, a sophomore in the School of Public Affairs, as tears poured down her cheeks. "They will never get away with this. I hope they know this means war!"
The majority of the gray squirrel population fled to Tenley campus to "let things cool off for a couple of hours," according to AU Squirrel Liaison Buck "Cheeky" McBerry.
Pheobe Nills, professor emeritus of Squirrel Studies in the College of Arts and Sciences and an expert in D.C. squirrel history, wrote several books about the gray squirrel-black squirrel rivalry at AU.
"The quad is an absolute playground for acorn-smugglers," she said. "Regulations are loose and acorns sell for top dollar to hungry students."
However, as the economy sharply declined last fall, so did the demand for acorns, Nills said. After a bloody squirrel war that lasted four months, the two groups signed a ceasefire agreement negotiated by AU's allusive mutant beaver. The black squirrels had control over the South side acorn trade and the gray squirrels took over the north. The rivalry appeared to be at a standstill until yesterday, when all-too-familiar fingers of blame were pointed.
Students for Squirrel Peace held a candlelight vigil last night on the quad in memory of the squirrels, while the Squirrel Union Board played a musical tribute that followed. Alvin and the Chipmunks broadcast an homage concert via satellite from on tour in Cleveland.
In a press release sent out last night, AU President Keil Nerwin urged the AU community to come together as a campus to celebrate the full lives the squirrels lived. He also told students that if they felt the need to seek violent revenge against the gray squirrels, he would "look the other way and pretend that I am doing something important like buying more four-story NCAA 'we're dancing' signs."
You can reach this staff writer at mhollaman@thealbatrossonline.com.
