Legal News

News

Badner honors recent donors

By Lostin DeForest | April 1

Ribbon cutting ceremonies took place Saturday for the new Femina Petite water fountain in the Mary Graydon Center and the 1-800-COLLECT Quad. University President Len Badner oversaw the ceremony, which honored Petite for her generous donation of her milk money to the University's Capital Campaign and 1-800-COLLECT's gift of free long distance for the entire University administration.

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Opinion

April Fools!

April 1

Just a reminder to the University community that this is our annual April Fools issue. This year we have expanded to four fun pages allowing our edition to overflow with hilarity. This is all done in good fun and no harm is meant by it, so enjoy, and don't sue. For those of you looking for the regular issue that came out today, it will go online tonight as April Fools day comes to a close. Enjoy our coverage of the lighter side of AU.

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News

AU to be Site of Animal House Remake!!!

By Chicken Little Pox | April 1

Hollywood has decided to use AU as its site for a remake of "National Lampoon's Animal House." Rumors are also circulating that "Big Sam" Gilman, former SC presidential candidate, will be asked to play the role of John "Bluto" Blutarsky. To achieve success in this role, Gilman will have to channel his inner Belushi.

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News

Students look for jobs, internships at fair

By Aviva Perlman | April 1

Fifty percent of students who complete an internship decide that it is something they do not want to do, said Francine Blume, director of Experimental Education at AU. "It's not that it was a bad internship," she said. "But something about it made them realize they aren't interested in this particular field of work.

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News

Eagle's Nest to stop selling crack!!!

By Crista Miavia | April 1

This week, University administrators made the unilateral decision to stop the sale of crack-cocaine at the Eagle's Nest, a popular spot for many students on campus. Additionally, the University has ruled that smoking crack within 10 yards of residence halls is a big no-no.

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News

Trump in talks to rename Ward

April 1

Media and real-estate mogul Donald Trump wants to buy the naming rights to the Ward Circle Building, according to Media Relations representative Della DeAngelopolis. Trump is currently in negotiations with AU's Board of Trustees and held a meeting yesterday to talk about donations.

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News

KPU shifts from 'Let's hold hands and sing crap' speakers

By Erica Cartman | April 1

Next year's Kennedy Political Union speaker lineup will revolve around the theme of "Intolerance: Screw the Melting Pot," incoming KPU Director Katharine K. Karlsen announced yesterday. "It's about time we had speakers that embraced the thoughts and ideas of the silent minority on campus, of students who hate everyone," Karlsen said.

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Sports

Yankees Sold, Moving to D.C.

By Red Boston | April 1

In a long-awaited move, cash-strapped New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner sold the underachieving franchise to Washington, D.C., mogul Abe Pollin. The team will move into RFK Stadium this week to begin the 2004 season. Pollin, who also owns the Washington Wizards basketball team, said, "It's our sincerest hope that this move will reverse the fortunes of the Yankees and possibly make them a World Series contender.

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News

Music News

April 1

This week in music brings news of The Strokes selling out, an even more maudlin Bright Eyes, homicidal Jack White, and more.

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News

Gibson preps for 'Passion' sequel!!

By Hank Rich | April 1

Hollywood has been buzzing over Mel Gibson's controversial film "The Passion of the Christ." However, it is the box-office return that is catching the attention of several studio bigwigs. Several major studios have approached Gibson about the possibilities of a "Passion" sequel, and Gibson recently announced he has struck a deal with Universal Studios for a big-budget sequel.

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Sports

'Once an Eagle, always an Eagle'

By Dale Berdman | April 1

He's known as the prolific 5-foot-11 shooting guard for the AU Men's Basketball team, but there's a darker side of Clawed that the fans don't know about. Sitting in his nest in a rundown building in Southeast D.C. wearing only a wife-beater T-shirt and shorts, Clawed reminisced about a childhood gone awry.

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News

Student charges $1.09 at Eagle's Nest

By Valiant Michelona | April 1

An AU student used her debit card for a small purchase at the Eagle's Nest late Wednesday evening, inconveniencing the nine cash-carrying patrons waiting impatiently behind her in line. Freshman Rachel Matthews purchased a 20-ounce bottle of Diet Coke with her credit card instead of cash, despite the transaction's total of $1.

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News

Music Notes

April 1

Linkin Park "Happy Songs" YAY! Records Bubblegum Pop **** 1/2 Are you about to break? Then pick up Linkin Park's new release of happy, inspirational songs. The band's latest CD has 10 songs, eight of them written by the band while all of the members were on a massive, nine-day sugar high.

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News

Pipe problems flush out student use of campus toilets!

By Annasus Dier and Ettenneaj Lemmik | April 1

According to AU's Director of Facilities, I.P. Knightly, all restroom facilities on campus will close for five days beginning this afternoon at 3 p.m. "High lead content in the water has been causing build-up that clogs pipes around campus," Knightly said.

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News

Sommers talks about freedom and feminism

By Kate Oczypok | April 1

Christina Hoff Sommers, author of "Who Stole Feminism?" and member of the Independent Women's Forum (IWF), spoke Wednesday evening in the Centennial Formal Lounge. Sommers, a professor of philosophy at Clark University since 1980, also wrote the book "The War Against Boys.

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Sports

Cheerleaders change when old lady complains

By Monty Adagomery | April 1

AU Athletics announced today that the Eagles cheerleaders will be changing their uniforms due to an ongoing law suit. Yesterday in court 72-year-old Eagles basketball fan Myrtle Smith claimed that she endured extreme emotional distress after watching an Eagles halftime show during a men's game in late February.

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News

'Headstrong' band preps for second LP

March 29

Being young and famous is a beautiful disaster: living out your prime in a bubble of sex, drugs, stale cigarettes and, well, rock 'n' roll. When "Headstrong" took to the charts of mainstream radio dials across the nation last year, something clicked, and Trapt's quartet was sucked into the vacuum of celebrity.

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