AU Athletics announced today that the Eagles cheerleaders will be changing their uniforms due to an ongoing law suit.
Yesterday in court 72-year-old Eagles basketball fan Myrtle Smith claimed that she endured extreme emotional distress after watching an Eagles halftime show during a men's game in late February.
"I was eating my prunes when I looked and saw legs and panties everywhere. I thought my heart was gonna die on me," Smith told a federal judge.
Court documents state that Smith is seeking $1 million in her suit for the crude, malicious and obscene display of young women by the AU cheerleaders.
AU responded to these allegations in a spineless hope to settle these claims out of court.
"There is no way we can win. AU simply does not have enough revenue to put that kind of money at stake. We must cave in like usual and hope to settle at a lesser amount," said AU Athletics chief council Lionel Hutz.
To restrain the development of any other suits, AU Director of Athletics Juanita Comstokita has announced the end to short skirts and the debut of Eagle-covered parachute pants.
"As a testament to changing times, we thought bringing back the parachute pants would bring AU the same acclaim they brought to M.C. Hammer, and save our ass," Comstokita said.
The cheerleaders have responded in pure AU style, with a protest, in their skirts, scheduled for tomorrow in Bender Arena.
"We will not let the Man push down our freedom of expression rights," said cheerleader Tammy Thompson, "and there is no way we're going to let that old hag think she's censored us"
