Linkin Park "Happy Songs" YAY! Records Bubblegum Pop
**** 1/2
Are you about to break? Then pick up Linkin Park's new release of happy, inspirational songs.
The band's latest CD has 10 songs, eight of them written by the band while all of the members were on a massive, nine-day sugar high. Among the best are "I Love Life!" and "How Can Anyone be Angsty?!?!" These have peppy, pulsating beats that are a joyful combo of the Backstreet Boys and camp songs.
Linkin Park covers two old summer camp tunes, "Kumbaya" and "The Bumblebee Song." Put to the beat of an electric guitar, the innocent childlike joy in these songs takes on a new meaning that even a college crowd can appreciate.
Overall, "Happy Songs" is quite possibly the best CD to listen to when you're so down it feels like it's your December.
- MISTER HANKIE
The Major League Baseball Singers "No Balls" BALCO Records High-pitched pop
****
The anabolic steroid scandal is in full swing, and the fallout has certainly tarnished America's Pastime. But thanks to the marketing genius of baseball's powers that be, disgraced muscle-bound 'roid-pumpers have given something back to the fans in the form of this catchy album featuring euniched athletes.
"Steroids let players mash dingers but their marbles wasted away," said MLB Commissioner Bud Selig. "But the lack of testicles gave them such sweet choir-boy voices, so how could we NOT capitalize on that?" And so with "No Balls," fallen sluggers with shriveled sacks show off their newly girlish tones in classic children and falsetto songs. Twelve classic songs are re-envisioned by acne-scarred ballplayers who no longer need cups to play sports. And after listening to such lucent singing, even the most cynical steroid-basher's heart will melt.
If you've always wanted to hear hulking meatheads sing like the Hanson brothers, definitely pick up "No Balls."
- FERNANDO MARTINEZ
The Masking Tape Trio "We Like 3M Products" StickyStuff Records
*** 1/2
The first track of 12 on this album begins with a catchy, upbeat riff that just, well, gets stuck in your head. The trio takes turns tapping their toes and tossing tunes as the audience ascends above any other level of happiness. Glee-extracting songs like "White Out Rocks" and "Paper Clip, Paper Clip," are some of the best on the album.
We're proud to share that the Trio's latest album surpasses the standards set by the group's previous two albums "Duct It" and "Rounds of Scotch," leaving other aspiring artists, like Hoobastick, wondering why their work can't stick to the charts. The glue holding this band together exists in the form of great lyrics, talented musicians and a fabulous fan base.
A staple to any CD collection, "We Like 3M Products" should vanish from the shelves faster than you can say "Glue Fighters."
- ANNASUS DIER and ETTENNAEJ LEMMIK
Christina Aguilera "Skanktified" Notso/Virgin Records Christian
**
Christina Aguilera has gone in an entirely new direction on her new album "Skanktified," singing for a higher power than Redman.
The album includes 12 hymns, including a version of "Amazing Grace" in which only two words are sung. She holds one note during the word "amazing" for an astounding eight minutes.
One of the best songs is the one co-written with P. Diddy, "Getting Down on My Knees (To Pray)." P. Diddy's grunts, with occasional "yeahs," really accent Aguliera's vocals.
The album is moving, reducing listeners to tears as they listen to Aguilera constantly sing single words in multiple octaves, but her sudden genre switch may turn off some of her pop loving fans.
"See, there was like this guy with flyers, and he was all 'have you found Jesus?' and so I thought he was talking about this guy I hooked up with at a club two years ago, but he was totally talking about God and stuff," Aguliera wrote in a message to her fans on the cover jacket. "So yeah, now I'm singing the good worrrd."
The album is a travesty, but it's getting four stars - at least she didn't make another horrendous Christmas album. Praise the Lord for that!
- EMILY BUSTWO
Ma Kettle and her Jug Band "Live at the Acropolis 2004" Cousin Jethro's Records Hick Rock
*
When a dignified sort like myself attempts to listen to a jug band CD, I expect the same level of sophistication that I myself have. Ma Kettle and her Jug Band do not deliver this level by far.
The astonishment was all mine when they turned glorious pieces of musical wonder into a series of jug tunes butchered worse than a pig on Christmas. Their rendition of Outkast's "Hey Ya!" left much to be desired, as Ma Kettle and Earl on the gourd banjo could barely keep up with the rhythm set by Billy Bob on lead jug.
Just when the record seemed like it couldn't get worse, they had a special guest vocalist named "Voicebox" Joe. The raspings of a 71-year-old recovering from throat cancer is not something that should be performed in public.
For those true jug band fans out there, and you, too, Uncle Dan, avoid this record, because it is just wrong.
- DONIFAT CAT
