Political science and government students learned last night that when they return to AU this fall, they will be affiliated with the renamed Eliot L. Spitzer School of Pubic Affairs. AU President Keil Nerwin announced the name change during remarks Saturday night at the close of the university's annual cage fighting tournament on the roof of the Ward Circle Building.
The second annual All Students Swim Meet took place at American University yesterday and had a big surprise for all competitors as well as members of the crowd. The meet is open to any student wanting to swim in a competitive race who is not on the swim team.
Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick promised supporters he would not succumb to prosecutors' efforts to remove him from office, stating he is only guilty of "having mad game," the Associated Press reported Friday. Kilpatrick appealed to crowds gathered Friday night in Detroit's Joe Louis Arena.
News flash: If you have the misfortune of reading this elegant prose, you are probably ugly. And before you blame your disgusting appearance on something inconsequential - like the free-trade coffee stain on the "I Dorothy K. Mantooth is a junior in the School of Communication and the only attractive person at AU.
Judicial Affairs and Meditation Services will now only punish students by grounding them in their rooms, according to JAMS Director Tatsura Lurita. Lurita said she implemented the changes because the Heads Up alcohol and substance abuse education program had a 100 percent rate of repeat offenders.
Four Student Government officers found themselves completely covered with fecal matter and sewage after a pipe burst over the SG's Mary Graydon Center offices on Sunday evening, according to Georgio Thomson, MGC's facilities manager. SG President Voe Jidulich was playing Scrabulous on his computer when the pipe burst.
Students were shocked Friday night to see Clawed Z. Eagle dragged out of the Ward Circle Building by Public Safety officers. "And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids!" Eagle shouted at the slowly forming crowd as Public Safety strapped him to the back of one of their new motorized scooters.
Sunday, March 23 A giraffe escaped from the National Zoo and sought refuge in the Terrace Dining Room. When the animal reached the front gate, an attendant refused to let him in because he did not have a meal plan - or $12, which the mammal thought was overly expensive.
The Washington Nationals are admittedly excited to move into the brand new Nationals Park on the banks of the Anacostia River, but shortstop Christian Guzman let his enthusiasm show before their season opener against Atlanta in the ballpark. When asked by a reporter before the game about the Nationals' chances of making the play-offs this year, Guzman fervently responded, "I'm calling shotgun on first place in the NL East right now!" "Last year, [Philadelphia shortstop] Jimmy Rollins called it for his Phillies, and look what happened," said Guzman, a lifetime .
Comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres announced over the weekend that she is abandoning her life as a lesbian and is pregnant with Chuck Norris' baby, the Washington Observer reported Sunday. "There are no lesbians, just women that haven't met Chuck Norris," Norris told the Observer.
Evil corporatists and robots from the future will continue to rule the U.S. if Ralph Nader is not elected, the Independent presidential candidate told the only student who attended his speech in the Ward Circle Building Friday. "Do you like big oil and androids pillaging your neighborhood, looting your house, kidnapping your mother?" Nader asked the student, a Dodo reporter.
The School of International Service announced its secession from American University, a startling decision made in its 50th year as part of the institution. SIS formally stated it wishes to become its own institution and plans to take over most campus buildings in order to save them from the so-called disaster that plagued the recent MGC renovations.
Citing a recent study by the AU anthropology department, more and more AU males are identifying themselves as "douchebags," said Dr. Marvin Nillson, a professor in the department of anthropology. "We found that many students were not content with the more constrictive terms like 'mook' or 'bro,'" said Dr.
A violent brawl erupted between two disgruntled members of the National Conference on Organized Resistance at Mary Graydon Center during the session "Yoga for Peace" March 12. Yusef Smith, a southern California native also referred to as "Brother Yusef," was leading a class on the movement for free mini vegan shampoo bottles at all Holiday Inn hotels when he spotted an arch-nemesis in the environmentally friendly hotel toiletries movement in the audience.
Documentary filmmaker and School of Communication Professor Chris Palmer died Saturday from injuries sustained in a tragic campus handstand accident. To promote his standup comedy act, Palmer was posing for a Falcon photographer by doing one of his signature handstands in front of the Katzen Arts Center.
Keeping in touch with friends, or even viewing anyone's profile, on the popular social networking Web site Facebook.com will soon be nearly impossible now that the FBI recently announced it will begin using the site to search for and poke possible terrorists.
The AU shuttle system will now run a continuous 24-hour loop, only slowing down at designated stops to permit students to board. The Student Government passed this measure by a large majority vote last week in an effort to make the shuttle more accessible and reduce wait times.
After years of complaining the Health Center doesn't actually do anything, students are finally seeing results. In the last month, 50 AU students have reportedly become pregnant after visiting the Health Center for treatments ranging from mono tests to routine allergy shots.
In yet another turn of scandal involving the American University Club Council, it was recently discovered that the AUCC's executive board had been keeping large portions of its $500,000 club allotment funds wrapped in aluminum foil in their office freezer.
Solutions by The State News
