The School of International Service announced its secession from American University, a startling decision made in its 50th year as part of the institution.
SIS formally stated it wishes to become its own institution and plans to take over most campus buildings in order to save them from the so-called disaster that plagued the recent MGC renovations.
"Have you seen the spaceship they morphed the place into?" questioned one representative of the SIS council. "When we renovate, we do things right. We add internationally inspired fauna and use sustainable building techniques. We only hope we can bring the rest of campus up to snuff."
Not everyone is focused on the campus itself as reason for the rift. One student, who wished to remain anonymous so as not to invite attack by his School of Pubic Affairs roommate, said, "This spring, as I read Samuel Huntington's 'Clash of Civilizations' for the umpteenth time, I realized something. I realized AU was in a culture war. That's what my professors have been getting at all along. With four of us to every one of them, we should attack while we're on top."
The students of SPA, the Kogod School of Business and the College of Arts and Sciences don't seem very concerned on the whole.
One Kogod student commented, "Finally those idealists have decided to get out of our hair. Maybe we can get SPA to secede next. Then not only will I not have to hear about saving the world anymore, I won't have to hear about my classmates' future bids for the presidency."
One fear does loom in the distance, however, vocalized by one distressed SPA student. "Are they going to take the Dav with them?" Cathy Jitters asked. "Where am I supposed to get my super-cheap caffeine fix?"
The answer was snappily provided by her Kogod comrade.
"We'll open our own on-campus coffee shop. And now that those global citizens are gone," he added disdainfully, "we won't have to worry about any of that fair trade mumbo jumbo. Your triple-whip, no-foam, double-shot iced soy caramel mocha choca latte will be even cheaper"
