Comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres announced over the weekend that she is abandoning her life as a lesbian and is pregnant with Chuck Norris' baby, the Washington Observer reported Sunday.
"There are no lesbians, just women that haven't met Chuck Norris," Norris told the Observer.
Degeneres' announcement came in the midst of a turbulent legal battle between herself and the "Walker, Texas Ranger" star. According to Cordell Walker, DeGeneres' attorney, Norris has repeatedly refused to pay child support. He claims it is impossible that he and DeGeneres ever slept together.
Norris said he does not consider it sex if the woman lives. When the judge inquired about the measures Norris had taken in the past to prevent unwanted pregnancies, Norris maintained that he has never used a condom.
"There is no protection from Chuck Norris," he said.
DeGeneres told the jury no paternity test was necessary, as the father is "undoubtedly Chuck Norris."
The baby roundhouse-kicked its way out of the womb during birth and shortly thereafter grew a beard, according to her court testimony.
-K.C.
