Sunday, March 23
A giraffe escaped from the National Zoo and sought refuge in the Terrace Dining Room. When the animal reached the front gate, an attendant refused to let him in because he did not have a meal plan - or $12, which the mammal thought was overly expensive. Public Safety responded, took a photograph of the giraffe and barred it from campus.
Two Public Safety officers collided with each other after racing their three-wheeled scooters on the quad. Both sustained significant injuries. The D.C. Fire Department transported both officers to Sibley Hospital. After being examined, the officers generated a report on the incident.
Monday, March 24
Public Safety officers responded to numerous reports of a student whose stomach exploded after consuming a dangerous mix of Pop Rocks and Diet Coke in TDR. When they got to the scene, they found the student's stomach had not exploded, but he was foaming at the mouth. DCFD transported the student to Sibley.
Tuesday, March 25
A student reported he needed medical assistance after he injured his member while engaging in sexual intercourse with a jar of mayonnaise in TDR's Georgia O'Keefe Room. Public Safety responded to the scene. They found the mayonnaise uninjured in the incident and returned it to TDR custody. DCFD transported the student to Georgetown University Hospital.
Wednesday, March 26
A male student attempted to pay for a female escort with his EagleBuck$ account. The escort told the student she did not accept that form of payment, only Visa. She threatened to call her pimp to have him smacked. The student panicked and reported the incident to Public Safety. Officers interviewed the escort for an hour and paid her for her services. They then took photographs and generated a report.
Thursday, March 27
A faculty member reported an unidentified U.S. senator attempted to solicit sex from him in the men's restroom in the Asbury Building. Public Safety officers responded but were not able to find the senator on the premises. They found a copy of a recent anti-gay Senate bill in one of the toilets, took photos and generated a report.
Friday, March 28
A student reported someone stole his crack pipe out of an unsecured locker in the Jacobs Fitness Center. Public Safety generated a report and referred the student to Judicial Affairs and Mediation Services after finding a rock of crack cocaine and a Whitney Houston album on his person.
Saturday, March 29
A resident assistant in Leonard Hall reported two students were stuck together by their nipple rings. Public Safety responded and attempted to detach the students but was unsuccessful. They took photos and generated a report on the incident. DCFD transported the students to Sibley.
