Satire

News

Satire: New University-wide participation policy requires students to deliver impromptu State of the Union speech in front of the entire United States citizenry

By Nora Sullivan | December 15

 'I just don’t see how I can make a State of the Union speech and interrupt a peer in the same class period'

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Opinion

Satire: SPA requires great deal of begging to be re-subscribed to digest

By Jared Bowes | December 13

Begging, bribing and breakdancing: One student’s attempt to be resubscribed

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Opinion

Satire: American University claims it was preparing Jewish students for the professional world by ignoring their most important holidays

By India Siecke | November 30

'From being bureaucratically confusing to ignoring minorities, American does our utmost to mirror the real world as possible'

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Opinion

Satire: AU Provost issues concise email

By Nora Sullivan | August 24

University committed to increasing length and frequency of emails

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Opinion

Satire: Leaked draft of 2022-2023 budget proposes paying adjunct faculty in unshelled peanuts

By Nora Sullivan | June 23

‘The decision to pay our faculty in actual US currency was egregiously wrong from the start’

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Opinion

Satire: The Smirkshire accidentally triples cost of rent due to clerical error

By Nora Sullivan | May 23

“We are experiencing doubts as to whether we are truly sorry at all”

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Opinion

Satire: Building that time forgot discovered on campus

By Owen Boice | April 28

Sports Center Annex never before seen by student eyes

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Opinion

Satire: Nine questions never to ask a graduating senior

By Owen Boice | April 18

‘Are you seeking gainful employment?’

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Opinion

Satire: American University’s perpetual midterm season

By Nora Sullivan | April 13

Efforts to secure one singular, midterm-free moment fail

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Opinion

Satire: Top 5 ways AU students spent spring break

By Ian Thornbrugh | April 12

'I couldn’t wait to get back to campus and not have to worry about mandatory testing'

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Opinion

Satire: Incoming Tenleytown supermarket offers students new chance to sell labor power to capitalist class

By Owen Boice | March 23

Students to have more capitalist exploiters to choose from

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Opinion

Satire: White male student gives University heads up before filing bogus discrimination complaint

By Ian Thornbrugh | March 14

Office of Equity collectively sighs and stares at floor

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Opinion

Satire: Jaded juniors realize college is nothing like the movies

By Nora Sullivan | February 23

College is a place for learning, right? Wrong.

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Opinion

Satire: AU alum doing something that reflects positively on University

By Owen Boice | February 22

Communications officials have yet to release name, what the alum is doing

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Opinion

Satire: Defective U-Pass experiencing existential crisis

By Owen Boice | February 18

The pass told The Seagle it was subject to teasing by functional U-Passes

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Opinion

Satire: AU men’s basketball team reflects on virtual start to season

By Nora Sullivan | February 17

‘When I saw an opportunity to pass, I lobbed the ball at my screen with total confidence’

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Opinion

Satire: McDowell hall elevator’s revival perceived as a prank after nearly a semester of construction

By Emily Brignand | February 7

'I was betting on the end of next semester for the elevator to be fixed'

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