Legal News

Sports

Wide World of Club Sports

By Kellie Cavalier | April 2

A brief from the Eagle Sports Desk about upcoming tournament games for AU Club Sports.

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News

The Rock cooks up a hot new career...

By Crista Scaturro | April 2

When Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson walks into a room, the walls breathe a collective sigh of relief. With his easy smile, soft baritone voice and unmenacing disposition, Johnson appears to be all that The Rock is not. There is no ego too large to fit into his opulent suite at the Ritz-Carlton - not even a twitch from "the People's Eyebrow."

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News

Metro Brief

By Emily Carone | April 2

Metro Brief: Carl Rove's house swamped by immigration protestors.

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News

SIS, MGC to be expanded

By Kate Oczypok | April 2

Construction on AU campus buildings is progressing well, according to Jerry Gager, director of the Office of Facilities, Planning and Development. McKinley Building Three academic programs will be able to move in to the first and second floors of McKinley and Room 208 by Thursday.

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News

FBI Agents storm SIS!

By James Jesus Angleton | April 1

On Wednesday morning, armed FBI agents stormed the School of International Service building and arrested Dean Julius Rosenberg and professors Azzam Azzam, Robert Hansen and Alger Hiss. FBI agents also took 40 boxes filled with documents and what appeared to be a weapons cache.

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News

New SC Prez plans to study abroad

By Victoria Astornaut | April 1

Colon Hennae turned down the position of Student Confederation president to pursue an opportunity studying abroad at Oxford University. Hannae announced his decision yesterday on several napkins left on tables in the Marketplace that he will not be serving AU's student government, or the SC for that matter.

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News

Entertainment News

April 1

This week in entertainment: Ben Affleck in denial, Tim Burton's narcissism, and more.

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News

Tenley traffic fines up 760%!!!

By Count Treppenwitz Von Lustigkopf | April 1

Recent changes to the traffic pattern near the American University shuttle stop at the Tenley Town Metro Station have increased city revenue while aggrevating drivers. The changes, notably opposing 'one way' signs, are part of Mayor Anthony Williams' controversial "More Money, Less Cars" initiative.

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News

Entire GA resigns to pursue lives!

By Kyla Broflovsky | April 1

The entire membership of the General Assembly, AU's student-body legislature, resigned yesterday in order to pursue social lives. "I really started to think upon viewing [Student Confederation] President Rick Toolzerlli's farewell address on ATV. You know, the one where he called us all 'a band of surly tools,'" said Jane A.

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Opinion

Our Take: The New 'Old' American Eagle

April 1

There once was a tale of a mighty group that came together and created the best student newspaper across all the land. We kicked them out because they were a bunch of dorks and decided to change things up a bit, and this is what you get. If you don't like it, well, we guess that is your problem.

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News

Former Public Safety Director Takes Job in Iraq

By Ida Ratherb Ahoya | April 1

Former AU Public Safety chief Carleen Colson, who was fired by the University last November after students and parents complained about her over-aggressive response to the sexual attacks that were occurring on campus, was named chief of the Iraqi National Police Force in a ceremony here yesterday.

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News

The Eagle's Eye

April 1

What's been happening on this ambiguously-named college campus since we last had issues. Much like news stories, but shorter.

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News

Police Blotter

By Lola the Bulldog and Ozzy Osbourne | April 1

Beware, students, all is not well around the campus of ambiguously-named University.

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News

Badner honors recent donors

By Lostin DeForest | April 1

Ribbon cutting ceremonies took place Saturday for the new Femina Petite water fountain in the Mary Graydon Center and the 1-800-COLLECT Quad. University President Len Badner oversaw the ceremony, which honored Petite for her generous donation of her milk money to the University's Capital Campaign and 1-800-COLLECT's gift of free long distance for the entire University administration.

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Opinion

April Fools!

April 1

Just a reminder to the University community that this is our annual April Fools issue. This year we have expanded to four fun pages allowing our edition to overflow with hilarity. This is all done in good fun and no harm is meant by it, so enjoy, and don't sue. For those of you looking for the regular issue that came out today, it will go online tonight as April Fools day comes to a close. Enjoy our coverage of the lighter side of AU.

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News

AU to be Site of Animal House Remake!!!

By Chicken Little Pox | April 1

Hollywood has decided to use AU as its site for a remake of "National Lampoon's Animal House." Rumors are also circulating that "Big Sam" Gilman, former SC presidential candidate, will be asked to play the role of John "Bluto" Blutarsky. To achieve success in this role, Gilman will have to channel his inner Belushi.

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News

Students look for jobs, internships at fair

By Aviva Perlman | April 1

Fifty percent of students who complete an internship decide that it is something they do not want to do, said Francine Blume, director of Experimental Education at AU. "It's not that it was a bad internship," she said. "But something about it made them realize they aren't interested in this particular field of work.

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