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(04/11/05 4:00am)
Looking out my apartment window, I see the "Now Leasing" and American flags at half staff. They've been that way since Pope John Paul II's death on April 2. Anyone with his ear to the ground or his eyes on the news has noticed that the death of the pope has been the biggest news story in recent memory, even rivaling the death of our 40th American president, Ronald Reagan, last summer. The news has been very hard on some. Prayers have been said and tears have been shed. To those who have been affected by the pope's death, I give you this simple message: Get a grip.
(03/21/05 5:00am)
At an impressionable young age, many of us may have heard our first non-Raffi album. And for some, it was "Flood" by They Might Be Giants, and it was magnificent. They Might Be Giants taught us all sorts of life lessons about Turkish history, pet rocks and how racist jokes are never, ever funny. Everything the seminal band threw at our minds stuck like glue. They Might Be Giants appears fully aware of its youth market, as the band has taken to releasing educational albums and DVDs directed toward preschoolers.
(04/22/04 4:00am)
So what are you doing next Sunday? For the first time since February, the correct answer is not "watching the NASCAR race." As everyone knows by now, Sunday is the March For Women's Lives. Folks, there is nothing better than having a totally black-and-white divisive issue rear its ugly head on our campus. The Eagle covered the debate on campus last issue. Unfortunately, the two editorials were decidedly "anti-choice." It saddens me that no one out there was willing to write an editorial about the importance of a women's right to choose. I have a humor column, so it's out of place for me to address the issue in a serious manner, but I would like to make some points to refute some of the contentions made in the previous Eagle.
(04/15/04 4:00am)
I'd like to begin this column with a little anecdote. Two days ago I went to the vending machines to pick up a delicious can of ginger ale. Upon my arrival, I saw a group of hungry youths attacking the candy machine. Apparently, it didn't give them the king size bag of Peanut M&Ms they requested. As they shook the machine, one of them recognized me and pointed out how I had described how evil those machines really were. I thanked them for reading the column and told them I wish they had followed my advice.
(04/08/04 4:00am)
Every now and then, I need to take time off from complaining to give out some well-earned kudos to groups at AU that have made our time here that much better. Right now, the one group that really deserves the lion's share of "thank yous" is the Student Union Board (SUB). You know SUB, right? It does the programming around here.
(04/02/04 5:00am)
I finally figured it out. x2716. That's what you dial when the stupid vending machines take your money. 2716. It rolls off the tongue so nicely. I think about calling in and demanding $20 for all the Diet Cokes I was never given. 2716. The promised land.
(03/25/04 5:00am)
I sit here, past my deadline as usual, watching the Eastern Sports and Programming Network. (Now you know what ESPN stands for). I'm watching my first Boston Red Sox game today, and I couldn't be more excited. Granted, it's an exhibition game. Granted, it's against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Granted, the regular season start is marred by my 15-page paper due the night before. But that doesn't matter.
(03/18/04 5:00am)
Welcome back from Spring Break everyone! Is there anything better than coming back to school with midterms and papers weighing you down? Of course there is! There's coming back, with all those assignments due when the AU server crashes. Awesome!
(02/26/04 5:00am)
Somewhere down the line, February became a month devoted to diversity. This being February and all, I thought it would be appropriate to write a Rusty Nail that dealt with equality, understanding and, of course, brotherhood. Instead, I am forced to write about a place where such ideal values don't exist. A place where the "haves" look down upon the "have-nots" with anger and disgust. Of course, I am speaking of the American University Jacobs Fitness Center.
(02/19/04 5:00am)
This may be a shock to some of you AU Eagles, but this school attracts a fair amount of political junkies. I say this at the risk of offending all of the literature and biology majors here, but political science is what really pays the bills.
(02/12/04 5:00am)
I often ask myself, "Is AU really below the Mason-Dixon line?" Despite the evidence to the contrary (liberal attitudes, no accents, black people regularly winning elections without white interference), the District of Columbia really is a Southern colony.
(02/05/04 5:00am)
I assume every decent college or university has them. We all know the type: The ones who say ridiculously random and offensive things just to say them - not to improve dialogue or fuel a debate. It's kind of like me mocking sororities, but on a much larger scale. Being an avid reader of The Eagle and, occasionally, of Benladner.com ("AU's top tier news and views source," ha, ha), it's clear to me that AU's No. 1 "stunna" when it comes to being nasty is certainly Tim Meyer.
(01/29/04 5:00am)
As fans of this column know, I have been a huge ATV fan ever since I (and, subsequently, my grade point average) was hobbled by mononucleosis a few months ago. Between episodes of "Between the Headlines" and "What the F---," ATV continues to be AU's greatest source of unintentional humor.
(01/22/04 5:00am)
WOW! What a great couple of days for Massachusetts. First, the New England "Team of Destiny" Patriots defeated the hapless Indianapolis Colts, paving their way to their second Super Bowl in three years. What a feeling! Then, Senator John Kerry (D-Mass.) takes the Iowa Caucuses, hammering the Vermont Madman, Howard Dean. I am really going to enjoy smiling at all those college students with "Dean for America" stickers. Do you think they feel a little bit stupid after giving his campaign 20 bucks on their Daddy's credit card?
(12/04/03 5:00am)
Bad news, faithful readers. This is going to be my last "Rusty Nail" for a whole month! Think of all the fun times that we will miss: finals, the holidays, and of course many opportunities to attack sororities on a random basis.
(11/13/03 5:00am)
Over the last couple of weeks I have been plagued with a tough case of the ol' mononucleosis. Yeah, mono. That's right, the kissing disease. Rusty had the kissing disease. Please refer to my picture and refer back to that last sentence. Believe me, getting the kissing disease is a small miracle.
(10/02/03 4:00am)
When I got this gig at The Eagle I made some promises to myself. Perhaps my most important rule I made was to never editorialize. I mean, anyone can get a silly column and use it to talk about how crappy capital punishment is or how handicapped ramps should be steeper. I just wanted to write and hopefully be funny, and hopefully offend some people, and hopefully everyone would be happy.
(09/18/03 4:00am)
I have a small bone to pick with one of the sororities here at AU - Alpha Epsilon Phi.
(09/04/03 4:00am)
I sure do love opening week. The air is full of excitement and the tingle-iest of all emotions, anticipation. As we surge into this new semester, I am sure that both the new American Eagles and the seasoned veterans have been looking forward to making this a year that wont be forgotten.