As fans of this column know, I have been a huge ATV fan ever since I (and, subsequently, my grade point average) was hobbled by mononucleosis a few months ago. Between episodes of "Between the Headlines" and "What the F---," ATV continues to be AU's greatest source of unintentional humor.
This brings me to the newest train wreck on ATV: "Marvelous Things." The show's first 15-minute episode premiered last week. The topic: teenage pregnancy. The show seemed to have been based loosely on "Sex and the City," as the lead actress writes in her LiveJournal at the end of the episode, just as Carrie writes her sex column. (I am glad to see "Sex and the City" is as popular as ever. Now they're tackling breast cancer! Thank God for comic relief!)
During the credits, the address of her LiveJournal Web site is listed (www.livejournal.com/users/ marvelouschick/). After visiting this poorly written grammatical disaster, I was definitely left with the impression that more entries will be added as more episodes are created. Oh, joy.
Anyway, on to the plot! Chapter One of "Marvelous Things" begins with some cute banter between our main characters, Courtney and Ashley. It's obvious that we are not dealing with drama majors here. I guess film is expensive these days - not enough cash for a little something called "take two." Some guy walks in and announces that Courtney is with child. How does he know this? Her drunk boyfriend told him so, of course. Scandal!
Chapter Two has Courtney freaking out, dumping her bastardly boyfriend, and apologizing to her best friend for not telling her about the pregnancy. Courtney admits that unsafe sex is foolish and can only lead to bad things. Then, Courtney conveniently realizes that she isn't pregnant. She just misinterpreted the colors on the home pregnancy test! It's hard to imagine someone doing that when it comes to such an important issue, but after considering her poor acting and writing skills, it's really quite plausible.
Chapter Three has Courtney writing in her LiveJournal. Don't even bother to check the Web site. It's incredibly frustrating. I mean, whose idea was it to end every entry with "See ya toots"? She even does it while answering the hateful responses left on her LiveJournal account. (Actually, you should visit the LiveJournal to see feedback of the show that is far more negative than anything I could ever publish. I am incredibly jealous that they get more hate mail than me. The Eagle's circulation is supposedly 8,000. Do you think 8,000 people watch ATV? So if you think I'm bad, imagine something so bad it gets way more hate mail with a smaller audience.)
The least marvelous thing of "Marvelous Things" is that some cinema student actually tried to make this crap poignant. There are multiple angles in each scene, meaning that someone actually took the time to make a good show instead of just letting the "actors" talk into one camera. There is also a rather lame soundtrack, but it suggests someone cared about the mood in each scene. Someone put a lot of time into making "Marvelous Things," but no one bothered to write a script! Granted, memorization may be outside the realm of the actors' abilities, but I think a script would be nice.
Then, there's the plot. Why isn't a guy allowed to tell people he knocked up his girlfriend? I think you should tell people that. Let's say I knock up my girlfriend (this is also known as willful suspension of disbelief). I would have a lot on my mind: Would I have to leave school? Would my significant other have an abortion? Would I have to pay for it? Why didn't I follow Tim Meyer's advice and end the hook-up culture here at AU? As you can see, there are a lot of rhetorical questions here.
I would confide in a friend of mine to help take some of the weight off my shoulders. If this friend tattles on me, how can I be blamed? Puh-lease.
Thankfully, in the world of "Marvelous Things," the girl I knocked up can't tell the difference between pink and blue, and I am saved. If only real life were like "Marvelous Things." Nothing like a happy resolution to end a pregnancy crisis! See ya, toots.
