SATIRE: Your ‘third place’ SUCKS!
(03/07/24 1:00pm)
The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued for actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental.
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The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued for actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental.
Editor’s Note: Alice Still is an opinion columnist for The Eagle. Still was not involved in the reporting, writing or editing of this story.
The following piece is an opinion and does not reflect the views of The Eagle and its staff. All opinions are edited for grammar, style and argument structure and fact-checked, but the opinions are the writer’s own.
Mass layoffs and a drop in digital subscriptions continue to rock the news industry. Countless explanations exist for these issues, but the public often overlooks the culpability of private investment funds.
American University has hired Huron Consulting to launch a strategic workforce assessment, according to a December email to staff and faculty supervisors of staff that was obtained and verified by The Eagle. Huron has recommended layoffs and program cuts at other universities in the past.
The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued for actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental.
Water will be shut off in Roper Hall until approximately 1 p.m. due to an “emergency issue” with the residence hall’s water main, according to an email sent from Housing and Residence Life to the hall’s residents Jan. 26. Roper Hall is home to about 50 residents in the University’s Black Affinity Housing program.
The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued for actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental.
Thousands of pro-Palestine demonstrators gathered in D.C.’s Freedom Plaza on Jan. 13 as part of a “global day of action” to demand an immediate ceasefire in Gaza and a halt to United States aid to Israel.
Editor’s Note: Rebecca Oss is a former managing editor for Online for The Eagle.
From the Newsstands: This story appeared in The Eagle's December 2023 print edition. You can find the digital version here.
From the Newsstands: This story appeared in The Eagle's December 2023 print edition. You can find the digital version here.
From the Newsstands: This story appeared in The Eagle's December 2023 print edition. You can find the digital version here.
An American University student was assaulted and robbed by three people, one of whom was armed, at the AU shuttle stop in front of the Department of Homeland Security at approximately 9 p.m. on Nov. 28, according to an email from Assistant Vice President for University Police & Emergency Management Phil Morse.
The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued for actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental.
The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued for actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental.
Theresa Runstedtler, an associate professor of African American history at American University, discussed the labor battles of Black players in the NBA in a SciPop Talk titled “When The NBA Became Black” in Bender Library on Oct. 25.
The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued for actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental.
Students gathered on the American University quad Nov. 1 to demand administrative support for Palestine and an end to the University’s funding of Israel.
Almost exactly a year ago, The Eagle wrote an article and subsequent Staff Editorial regarding the importance of having Narcan, the name brand for naloxone HCl, on campus. We asked that American University begin supplying Narcan immediately or, if that was not possible, provide fentanyl test strips and helpful resources regarding overdoses instead. Until recently, we hadn’t heard any updates on this issue. On Oct. 19, the University announced that AUPD will begin to carry Narcan for students in crises and that training for officers is already underway.
Solutions by The State News