• Dear "SPA kids in suits are douchebags," Unfortunately, some of us have commitments directly before or after class (internships, interviews, etc.) that FORCE us to wear suits. Sincerely, I don't want to wear a suit, either
• My diet now consists solely of Easy Mac and variants of Easy Mac.
• BRING BACK SNAPPLE!
• Imagine my surprise when I walked into the Eagle's Nest and saw a Vitamin Water refrigerator where the Snapple one used to be. Vitamin Water is a sham! Bring back Snapple!
• Wait … so there is no Snapple … anywhere on campus? Seriously? WHY must AU take away everything I love?!
• I am so sex deprived you have no idea. Fall break and my sexy long-distance boyfriend can't come soon enough.
• I see people in class taking notes on their laptops and their Word documents look like notepad paper? How the hell do you do that? Like what buttons do I press on a Mac? Computer geeks, help me out?
• I don't mean to be a spoil sport but sorority girls on the quad, the fact that your music and screeching are loud enough to disrupt my work on the second floor of the library is not making you any less biddie-like in my eyes. Some of us have work to do so STFU.
• Where's the Eagle article about the fall SG elections? I know it's not a *huge* deal, but I'd at least like to know who's representing me, since I couldn't make it to the announcement.
[Editor’s Note: The SG Senate is confirming the elections Oct. 2, and our story is in this issue with a list of all winners.]
• I get off the metro at Dupont and see an illuminated advertisement that reads "What Type of WONK Will You Be" … enough said
• Someone should draw political cartoons of Tom Smith.
• $60+ for a ticket to go get paint thrown on me and listen to crappy music … no thanks #AntiDayGlow
• So I'm standing in the elevator with this blonde and she says, "Ughh I hate when these stupid elevators don't close\ as she pushes one of elevator buttons. When I look at what she is pushing I see it is the "Door Open" button … #DumbBlonde
• YOU … PEOPLE
• I Just put my name on a rant! Please take it off, I'm sorry. I thought it was like an email.
[Editor’s Note: Don’t worry, we got you covered.]
• Really attractive men keep disappearing in my neighbor’s room and not coming back out. All I can think about is Jennifer's body. And I'm scared.
• The sun is up, my grades are good, I'm losing weight and AUCentral finally fixed my financial aid … today is a good day.
• STOPPPPPPP THE EAGLE YOU ARE CONSTANTLY SCREWING WITH RANTS. Enable comments you fools!
[Editor’s Note: Our comments are run through an external system (not our site), but we’re trying to get the issue figured out.]
• A stolen laptop is one thing, but who expects their abroad roommate to pee on the floor? AU, you are much classier than other schools out there.
• Am I the only person at 4400 Massachusetts Avenue who's annoyed that the desk clerks in the residence halls order you to swipe and show your ID but don't even bother to look up half of the time?
• The University of Maryland's newspaper has sudoku and comics … why not this one? C'mon and give me something to do in class!
[Editor’s Note: We have Sudoku and a crossword puzzle this week. Check it out!]
• Why is The Eagle taking a position on the death penalty on its cover? What happened to journalistic neutrality? Non-bias? Unprofessional guys.
[Editor’s Note: If you read the story, you would see that we wrote about an AU play on the death penalty, not the death penalty. That’s not bias.]
• Of all the words of Mice and Men, the saddest are "James Wigley"
be you hipster, "wit" or simply dumb-
cut the crap and quickly.
Step off Vonnegut, bro.
So it goes.
• I walked in on you doing the dirty, NBD. But to say you were "talking in your underwear" is a complete lie! Just because I wear a pappy robe doesn't mean I was born yesterday, idiot. Oh, and by the way, you're filthy — go wash your nasty sheets. #roommatedrama2
• I don't know why I'm doing this, since I won't be here after next semester … but please, for the love of God, END THE 10:40 BLOCK!
• Dear guy in Centennial on the sixth floor,
Thanks for flexing your muscles in front of the mirror. We like your abs as well.
Yours truly,
Anderson girls
• I'm not getting any better at climbing into or out of my loft bed.
• Dear Google Chrome hater,
You know Apple is the evil company that\s going to take over the world, right?
Sincerely,
Somebody who still uses Windows XP
• Dear guys on the sixth floor,
I don't love being woken up to the sound of you coughing up mucus in the bathroom. You might want to get that checked out.
• What does Student Government even do? And why do they need 72% of the activity fee? Someone please explain this mysterious part of the AU bureaucracy. It seems people get elected to Student Government and disappear shortly after. What is this vacuum organization?
• Why is the Student Activities fee $73.50 in the first place? I mean really, on a $55,000 bill, the 50 cents is just annoying. Just make it $74 dollars already. There would be less of an uprising over a 50-cent increase than if the fee were increased so greek life could get funding.
• Where are the weird people at?!
• I just ranted my heart out :D, its so theraputic
[Editor’s Note: We’re so glad.]
• As I was casually strolling through the Quad earlier today, I stumbled upon a group of hipsters enjoying their daily smoke. Which is fine. I decided to walk around. I did not mind. You were 25 feet from the entrance of the building. It’s a free country, and I am a very accepting person. Until you decide to exhale just as I am trying to sidestep you. So I did the rational thing. I said excuse me, and proceeded to hack cough all the way to the EQB. So I would like to thank dark haired boy with the blue plaid shirt for contributing to my already terrible breathing condition.
• First, you all hold of your info sessions the same Wednesday, all at the same time right after the activities fair. But tell me: why do clubs email me the day of meetings, to tell me the meeting is that night? Do you think it’s a fun little surprise? Do you assume that I just sit around waiting for your emails day in and day out? Do you assume I have no life and will bolt down to wherever you happen to be that night? I understand that we are all busy people here, but this is ridiculous.
• Dear kid with the British flag hat that I saw forever ago and have never seen again :(
That is one awesome accessory. I would have complimented you in person but I thought it would be awk. I admit, the only reason I noticed the hat was the fact that you are actually really attractive. (And lets be honest, that’s a rarity around here.)
— Random girl who was walking into TDR as you were walking out a couple weeks ago
• Dear person who is mad at rants that talk about the colleges AU students turned down: I find it quite interesting to see where fellow students could have gone. I try to look for patterns in the college application choices to see if I can discern a cultural ideology from the choices. Maybe you're just bitter because you only got into sucky colleges. BTW, I turned down GW, UCLA, UW, WashU, NYU and UI for AU. And I'm so happy with my choice!
• People, LEARN CORRECT PRONOUN USAGE. Go back to 3rd grade if you have to. Last week's ranter, you aren't a person "that" wants to transfer, you are a person "WHO" wants to transfer. PEOPLE ARE WHOs NOT THATs!!!
• I HAVE NEVER, NOT ONCE, GOTTEN AN EAGLE RANT PUBLISHED! IVE RANTED TWICE A WEEK SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE SEMESTER! YOUR GUIDELINES ARE PURE LIES! THERE ISNT EVEN ANYTHING OF CONTENT IN SOME RANTS! THEY ARE JUST RANTING ABOUT RANTS! ALL THOSE STUPID FRESHMAN!
[Editor’s Note: We can’t fit all Rants in the paper due to space, but I’m sure you’ve had a few Rants printed online (unless they’re just insanely wrong or profane).]
• I swear AU expects me to poop a brick of $100s daily.
• Masked Vigilante: I wanna meet you. I wanna fight crime. On my own terms if you know what I mean.
• As a girl, I often feel judged in TDR. Seconds are not always bad. I am storing up blubber for the winter months, okay?
• Dear Professor (You know who you are)
I accidentally put a cover sheet on the paper I turned in when you had specifically warned against have a cover sheet. I am so sorry. Please read this and feel my forgiveness. I will NEVER do it again. I hate being publicly embarrassed, and I hate not listening to instructions. I will never ever, ever coversheet anything again. Ever. I'm sorry. Unless you instruct us too.
— Stupid freshman
• It’s weird because I feel like my social life is following me home. Oh yeah, it is. I live in a dorm.
• Dear College Republicans,
On Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), you hosted a pig roast on the quad to celebrate your right to eat meat. Perhaps a little more sensitivity would serve you well. I'm sure it wasn't purposeful, but the lack of awareness is equally shocking. You don't need to be Jewish or liberal to see how this might be offensive. By the way … your right to eat meat? Rather inflammatory towards an entirely different group … and nothing to do with being Republican. Happy New Year.
Thanks,
Student who never expected this at American
• The condoms given out at the health center are too small. It's like shrinkwrap for your schlong.
• What do I think of Tim McBride? H- … He … It's terrible! He has beautiful eyes, and his hair smells like cinnamon!
• I do not want to write this philosophical paper on why Socrates is antagonist. I just want to snuggle up with some popcorn and watch "Amelie" and not think of philosophy for a. damn. second.
• I really want to join Chi Alpha, but I don't know jack-mc-diddly-squat about Jesus. #catch22
• I transferred from AU and am loving it! The politics and d-bags were just too much for me. It's good to know that all colleges aren't like AU. But I still find myself checking Eagle Rants …
[Editor’s Note: We’re so proud.]
• Dear freshman that wants to transfer,
It is not AU's responsibility to make friends for you. Have a personality and go out and make some.
Sincerely,
Happy AU student
• How about someone bring cookies to the Phonathon? We do such an important job down here and even though we get paid cookies and milk are just a thank you. Without us that library book you just got would not have been there.
• Hey buddy, I understand that you're drunk and all, but could you please refrain from calling my friends "flublovers"?
Thanks,
— Sober on a Tuesday Night
• In response to the elevator rules Rant:
In an Elevator: Women enter first. Look straight ahead. No phone calls. No talking to others unless spoken to. Even then, keep it brief. And we know you're in a rush, but don't crazily hit the close button as if you're about to piss your pants. That's annoying as hell
Love,
Esquire Magazine
• My room smells of elderberries.
• Guess who I hate?
a. my roommate
b. my neighbor who records my conversations through the wall
c. James Wigley???
d. Hitler
If you answered B you are correct, though I will also take D.
• You Can Own the Earth and STILL all you'll own is earth UNTIL you can Paint with all the colors of the wind …
• It's got to be the caffeine …
• WHEN WILL MY REFLECTION SHOW WHO I AM INSIDEEEEEEEE!!!!!
• For all your talk about involvement, you guys sure won't let me get involved in anything. I'm not good enough to join a club team (even though I figure "what's the harm, we never win"). Won't let me join the undergrad council. (Thank's for interviewing with us!) And I don't want your religious fervor, so can the Gathering and others can just un-friend me on Facebook? I don't belong apparently …
• It makes me antsy when I can't see my roomie, but I know she's in the room...
• When the pressure on the showers is too high, it makes the curtain blow in on you. I know this now, but if you've ever seen “A Haunting in Connecticut,” I basically thought I was being strangled by a paranormal ghost for a few days.
• One day, I'm going to go to the zoo, and the gorillas are going to remember me, and they're going to put their hand up against the glass, and I am going to have a Tarzan moment.
• AU Central is where dreams and hopes of a college education go to die. Not only do they encourage indirect communication, but they say they’ll do something to help and do the opposite!
• @Lonely North & South side
Apparently you've yet to met the all encompassing friendship/passion that is James Wigley
• -Wigleyfan083I looked into his eyes. I told him I loved him, and he replied: I can't love you.
• I cried for days. Why do you do these things, Wigley?!
• One of these Wigley rants is bound to make it in.
[Editor’s Note: Who is James Wigley?? And almost all of them made it in.]
• Why can't my life be more like James Wigley's. I wish I had a sports car like him.
• Who's the leader of the club
That's made for you and me
J-A-M-E-S-W I-G-L-E-Y
• This James Wigley stuff is getting old.
• I see you driving 'round town
With the girl I love and I’m like,
James Wigley!
• We don't want the McDowell card swipers. Just take them out. Whoever’s breaking them is a hero.
• Oh how I wish that someone would post something about me a likealittle …
• One of my neighbors is a rapper and the other is a vampire sex-fiend. I guess this is karma for being the loud neighbor last year. :(
• Dear person who wants physics friends: You can have the kid who I thought was going to ask me out a little while back. Turns out they were already going steady with physics. Maybe you'll have more luck?
• Adam Gallagher doesn't speak Arabic. I lived in Madrid and speak three languages! Native Speaker? Nope. I wasn't gonna brag, but hey …
• Just got serenaded with some humming-half-singing-rather-tone-deaf-song while in the shower. Please … stop singing … even the showerheads weren't that impressed.
• Re: “freshmen suck at everything,” not every freshman is at this school to impress douches like you. But then again, you wouldn’t know since you were never a freshman, right? Grow up.
• FINALLY! Someone who appreciates Snapple as much as I do! Eagle's Nest needs to get its act together. I went in yesterday and all they had was lemon. LEMON! For shame.
• Hey library kid, it was fun reading next to you today. I wish I had gotten to talk to you more, but it was the second floor! I didn't want to get disemboweled. Same time and place next week?
• So they're out of TDR boxes. AGAIN?! Oh, well! Guess I'll just have to start bringing my own tupperware more often. SEE WHAT YOU'RE MAKING ME DO, TDR?!
• Hey really cute, really tall boy I see everywhere, I wish you weren't constantly surrounded by pretty girls. Stud muffin. Why does AU have to have such a limited selection of guys? :(
• I'm obviously becoming a teacher for the fame and the pay. (But seriously, please don't patronize me when I tell you I'm an elementary education major.)
• I'm a CAS girl in an SIS world.
• Dear bro wearing a "Cool Story Babe (Now Make Me A Sandwich)" t-shirt outside the library, I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your demands.
[Editor’s Note: Like.]
• I'm a virgin … and a senior … and a man. How is this possible?
• Sometimes I feel really stupid, but then I remember I am stupid, so then I feel not so bad.
• "Why are there mosquitoes here? There are mosquitoes in Africa; why are there mosquitoes here?" Is this a joke?
• Tim McBride refused to buy me a sex toy from the Women's Initiative Passion Party. How rude! :(
• I want to meet @fakeneil_kerwin
• To the person who moved to DC, is not an AU student but rides the shuttle for free AND says we're are not good looking.
GET A CAR!
• I'm so confused by all of this WONK hate. Am I the only person who likes the campaign? It's unique, clever and a bit dorky, which is exactly the AU spirit I know. Whatever, I love it and I wear my shirt with pride. #Sorrynotsorry.
• But seriously, my dorm neighbor sucks. I can hear her getting’ frisky with her man friend, but when I watch Tarzan from my iPad I'm being too loud.
• I HATE MY NEIGHBOR
• Voting is for Squares
• Mr. Takinoshi is my stuffed animal horse, and I feel judged that he has a position of honor on my bed.
• I hate that every time I rant I have to backspace through the thing that says "Rant here.”
• Dear AU Masked Vigilante,
Please find me. I have a mask and a "particular skill set" that I think would help you.
— Hopeful Sidekick
• Dear AU,
Stop hating on hipsters. They're people too, just without souls.
Love,
Me
• THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID
• Hey person that just rides our shuttle,
YOU DON'T EVEN GO HERE, but I get it, you have a lot of feeling, right?
[Editor’s Note: We are so glad you said this. It’s exactly what we were thinking.]
• Dear Blackboard, let me know when you grow a pair and can be honest about my homework for that evening.
• I'm hungry … but I can't get out of bed … the problems I have to deal with.
• Why can't Chipotle just be a little closer?
• Mr. Perch and other Perch staffers,
Get a handle on the hot chocolate situation. I cannot drink caffeine after 8 p.m. What does that leave me with? OU ARE LOOSING MY LOYALTY!!! If you're having trouble figuring out how much hot chocolate for how many costumers, I know a great game that helped me when I was young, it's called Lemonade Stand at coolmath4kids.com
• Weather Bothers me!
U bother me!
Headaches Bother me!
BOTHERED
• Dear Perch,
I love you but please get your hot chocolate machine fixed!T his is the only way I can come there with a purpose!
Sincerely,
Chocolate Obsessed
• Right after The Eagle published its cover article of “Dead Man Walking,” it sold out. Curious.
• How is the evil Google empire any more evil than the Apple empire? I feel like I loose more money to Apple than I do to this university.
• Dear Salsa, please work on your chicken quesadillas; I have had a few unsatisfactory ones and am quite angry.
• Dear wookie man,
Please make your wookie noise at exactly midnight every night so it can help me gauge how much more I need to procrastinate. Sometimes I've notice you wookie at 12:15 or 11:54. I just want some consistency.
P.S. I am your father.
P.P.S. I didn't want you to have to find out like this.
-DeathStarCrew
• Hey neighbor who sings obscure Disney tunes horribly, yes I can hear you.
• There was a point there where I thought I saw a good looking guy and then I remembered … oh yeah, this is American.
• Where is the Police Blotter? I miss reading about the antics of drunken college students over the weekend.
[Editor’s Note: Public Safety discontinued the blotter, saying their new crime log provides sufficient information for students. We’re trying to get it back.]
• Dear smokers,
Be considerate and stop smoking while walking directly in front of other students therefore killing them!
Sincerely,
Bothered!
• It's really hard to poop without feeling self-conscious
• My Dorm Room ate my sandal!
• BOTHERED!
• I just feel so judged at McDonalds sometime; it's like they know I don't belong, but their chicken nuggets are so addicting.
• My dorm neighbor is recording my conversations …
• OCD SUCKS love someone with ocd …
• To Why the Hell Would Anyone Want to Rush EI: They have the sweetest brothers I have met here. Before you get the wrong idea: no, they are not interested in getting in my pants. I sincerely hope nobody would be interested in someone so close-minded like you.
• I'm from Texas so maybe I just don't understand, but why do we not even care about sports?
[Editor’s Note: Our Sports writers ask themselves the same question every day …]
• McDonalds Monopoly is back. Great. Another month where I get myself addicted to McDonalds food out of the vain hope of winning big money, only to wind up with 10 copies of Marvin Gardens.
• Why do ALLLLLLL the clubs I am interested in joining meet at the exact same time?!?!
• South side,
You know what's great about North side? We don't have drunk frat guys soliciting minors in front of our buildings every other night, our buildings don't smell like crap and we don't have stupid nicknames like "the letto." We feel for ya, we really do.
— North side
• Dear Math Department,
Although your classes drive me crazy, I love all of the different accents the professors have. Also, all of the professors are very nice and willing to help me with any questions I have. You are the unspoken heroes of AU!
— Happy to be Confused
• It's pathetic how many of these Rants revolve around AU students wanting to have sex with one another but not doing so. Can't all you would-be fornicators pick some central location and time and all just unabashedly show up and pair up? Put your crotches where your mouths are already. #meetupthenhookup
• dyslexics untie!
• There are screens on the windows in our room in Centennial, but they're either the wrong size or whoever put them in did it incorrectly, because there's a slight gap at the top of it. It's unfortunate. I just want to be able to get some fresh, mosquito-less air every now and then.
• Dear Freshman that Wants to Transfer,
Don't be lonely. Don't be sad. Come to Hughes 7. We will accept and love you.
Sincerely,
Freshman that Loves AU
• Was there really an article in the Eagle last week about a Pie Club?! The only thing worse than that is that the club exists on campus. Really people? God, I hope AU doesn't give those people money. I know of so many clubs that deserve that more than a bunch of idiots baking pies. Do it on your own dime!
• Dear AU Shuttle IMPOSTER,
In response to your Rant last week with the clever Simpsons line (what are you 5?), if you don't go to AU why in the world are you on Eagle Rants? AND clearly the "lookers" do not take the shuttle, try walking.
Sincerely,
Sassy AU Female
• The Eagle EIC is really cute … *sighs* … if only she were single
• Dear Professor — The Constitution does not say that "all men are created equal." I believe you\'re thinking of the Declaration of Independence. Please don't confuse the two if you want me to respect you as my instructor.
• Dear Sally Student — The Davenport Coffee Lounge is seven syllables long and 23 letters long. It makes sense to shorten it to Dav. Tavern is two syllables long and only six letters long. No real need to shorten it.
• Dear calculus professor, Despite all the stereotypes you might of heard, just because I'm an SIS major doesn't mean I'm incapable of doing math. It just means I chose to major in IR. Please stop acting all surprised and amused when I do well in your class.
• Hey cute guy with the scruff in the art class before mine, smile! You're too cute to look so gloomy.
• RE: "such a shame, not a looker in the bunch": First of all, YOU DON'T EVEN GO HERE. Stop being a creeper and hanging out on our shuttles and tracking down our anonymous rant boards. Second, *I* can complain about the lack of attractive men, but YOU may not. Call it arrogance or pride, but if someone is going to s#*t talk the student body, it should be someone OF the student body.
• Dear person who doesn't go to AU, GET OFF OUR SHUTTLE. If you didn't notice the first time you got on, it says i\'s for AU students, faculty/staff and visitors. You are apparently none of the above. We have a hard enough time fitting on the shuttle as it is, get off and give us a little breathing room. And if all of us are uglier than you, don't you think someone would have noticed how gorgeous you are by now? But that doesn't seem to be the case now does it? Now who’s the ugly, rule-breaking bus rider. Just take the damn N2 (or 6).
• Saw Tim McBride in TDR with some kid the other day … Don't you have some fancy private dining room where you don't have to deal with the riffraff? I'm kinda glad you don't though; that way I get to see your pretty face.
• When I didn't get a good number in the dorm lottery ,I had no problem living a mile off campus. There was a bus stop right in front of my apartment. Now WMATA has decided to get rid of my beloved N8 … Would it be so much trouble to make the N2 or N4 loop down and pick up the rest of New Mexico and Tunlaw? The closest bus stop is a 10-minute walk up hill!
• Wanted: A boy who looks like Maksim Chmerkovskiy. In my bed. NAO.
• Entertained myself for fifteen minutes on the "silent" floor of the library, watching the students sitting in the group of armchairs by the stairwell slowly lose their minds listening to the doors swinging closed with an ear-splitting wood-on-wood screech every time someone entered and exited, only to have that topped by witnessing a librarian, apparently oblivious to the fact that a capybara was presumably being stabbed to death in the stairwell, tell off a girl for whispering two sentences into her phone. Priceless moments are priceless.
• Anyone want to organize a cyan shirt flash mob?
• Wherefore art thou Diablo 3 beta invite? The sun dost not shine, and mine very soul withers without thee.
• Thanks to AUNP, I helped solve the Israeli-Palestine conflict in a little over four hours. What have you done lately?
AUNP rocks!
• This isn't a rant … but to all who are wondering why the Library computers are so slow, it's not the Internet. Apparently it's because "they" installed language packs for pretty much every single language that exists on the planet and they have to load every time the computer starts up.
• Yo dawg, I heard you like live news feeds. So I put a live news feed in your live news feed so you can perpetually procrastinate while you perpetually procrastinate!
• Dear Frustrated McDowell resident who's sick of shelling out more money for what you vandalize,
I am sick of it as well. I believe that we need to either put in the card-touch locks we have installed in the dorm rooms or just remove the card swiper all together. Double layer security can still be compromised when people just sneak in, and they just ask someone "Oh, can you swipe me in?" I am also of the opinion that we should put security cameras in the elevators so we can catch who ever does it next time. I mean Jesus. I was drunk this weekend to the point where I was throwing up, but I did not remove the card swipe thing from the elevator. I controlled myself. Perhaps not with the alcohol consumption … But that was because I felt so lonely this weekend … Oh woe is me … Lol … :D
~Lonely on North Side (Sax Guy)
• Isn't there already Like A Little? Unless of course we want to make an AU version of eHarmony or Match.com.
~Lonely on North side (Sax Guy)
• Why is it that girls dump cute, nice guys for ugly douche-bags? Smh.
Lonely On Northside
• I like physics. I like math. But I'm not majoring in it.
~Lonely on Northside (Sax Guy)
• I am in love with my RA … I can't help myself … I think I'm seriously falling for her and I want to ask her out … I almost went in to kiss her when I was drunk this weekend …
• Dear "Lonelier than Lonely on South Side and Lonely on North Side,”
If you are lonely (and as you claim lonelier than both of us), than perhaps its time that You, Me and South Side get together. And I won't be wearing a cyan shirt and plaid shorts for a whole week to do it. Mmmkay? Wearing the same clothes over and over again is disgusting … Thanks again Eagle editor for putting words in my mouth before … Appreciate it … Anyway … If you see someone playing saxophone on campus (or someone who usually does play on campus and you recognize him from before), that’s me. Come talk to me, "lonelier" and "lonely on south side."
~Mr. Lonely on North Side (Sax guy)
• WHY DO SO MANY CREEPY PEOPLE LIVE HERE
• Why the hell are the comments for the Eagle Rants closed? They were always opened last semester. Jesus Christ …
[Editor’s Note: We’re not really sure. We’re still trying to figure this out …]
• Dear suit-hater: Some people have reasons to wear suits besides the fact that they are douchebags. Stop acting like you're 12.
• FRANK CALIENDO!!!
• To the person with a gum-infested desk: I don't think you understand what a Catch-22 is.
• To the girls staring at me on the shuttle bus: make a frickin’ move; I'm shyyyyyyyyyyy.
• I hate the Phonathon.
• Dear A- Blues, PREACH. There are pluses for every other letter grade, why not A's?
• To the person who thinks that all the upperclassmen are on North side … I don't know why you think this because there are a lot of upperclassmen floors on South side. Plus why wouldn't you have the Internship and Job fair prep at the Perch? It rulezz. #UPPERCLASSMEN #SOUTHSIDEPRIDE
• Tavern charges me 50 cents for a cup of water? When will AU stop being so greedy?!
• I love AU, but I miss my puppy.
• Christmas Break can't come soon enough.
• I miss Toon Disney Channel. :(
• The Student Health Center website sucks and I just spent 10 minutes on hold trying to set up an appointment. I'm really sick, and if I spread my cold to other people, it's your fault.
• I think I'm in love with my RA … If only I ere older … and not a frickin’ campus resident … :(
• I came home really drunk this Saturday. I told myself I wouldn't have too many drinks, but I couldn't help myself after the week I had. So thank you to my roommate, my friends on my floor and other friends in the dorm building for helping me survive the night. If you guys weren't there, I seriously don't think I would have survived the night. And if I had had one more drink than I had that night, I probably would have needed to be transported. So seriously, thank you. Sorry for deciding to be irresponsible. I need start just talking to people about my problems instead of talking to the bottle.
• I enjoy pretending to open the automatic sliding door to Megabytes with the Force.
• "Screw you, ATV. You suck" — a WVAU DJ at 1 a.m. (Yes, I listen to WVAU at 1 in the morning.)
• I'm so ugly on the inside. Thankfully I'm hot on the outside.
• @MRS Degree Candidate: We only offer GBF (Gay Best Friend) degrees here at AU. Sorry you chose the wrong school.
• The Sprite in Subway needs some serious help … if I wanted to drink flat club soda, I would get it on my own.
• Ain't no party like a Casa Negra party.
• @SpottedatAU keeps me from yelling at all these freshmen that dress so poorly. I love that I have a place to vent
• Dear girls who complain all the boys here are gay and taken. I just went to all-guys school for 4 years, I'll meet ANYONE, lonely freshman guy
• I don't understand all these complaints about "nothing to do" on Saturday nights. Every Saturday night at 8:00 for the past two years, I have been able to enjoy playing board games on the second floor of MGC. Why can't anyone seem to find us?
• Loved seeing Robert Gibbs last week. Was so impressed! But was also surprised that there was not a bad looking person on the KPU Staff. A bunch of hotties for sure ;)
• Nice girls exist in plain sight. You just have to make an effort to get to know them.
• Wanted: a nice, cute boy. We'll spend our fall afternoons studying and cuddling together. We can drink tea and hot chocolate together, listen to classical music, have meaningful conversations and go to jazz clubs on weekends.
Rant here!
