• Yuuuuss. Three rants referencing dubstep. And @the editor ... Bassnectar is a half decent place to start. womp womp wubwubwub woooomp.
• Dear whoever decided to change our shower heads, WHY WHY WHY I don’t know if it is just Anderson, but when I left for spring break I had a lovely, high powered, very nice shower head. I come back and now it takes me 2x as long to shower because you have taken away my wonderful shower head and replaced it with a pitiful excuse for a shower head. WHY oh WHY
• My parents don’t believe in what I'm studying, but that's not going to stop me from achieving my dreams. In fact, it makes me want to prove them wrong.
• Why does the AU website suck so much? so user un-friendly
• The new low-flow showers make we want to light myself on fire.
• I will faithfully keep ranting until you publish mine, I rant rant rant can you rant rant rant?
• To whomever runs the Roosevelt Institute-lay off on the Facebook events and messages. I am not part of your organization and do not need five messages per day saying the same thing What do you even do?
• Why does student activity fee have to continue to fund SUB. They obviously don’t know how to manage money. Was there any punishment for their fiasco?
• I have the constant urge to scream and cuss in class ... just to make it interesting and to get attention
• The next time you come into my room to ask me where my roommate is, it would be nice if you could at least bother to ask me how I'm doing first. I get that you and her are super tight (at least you think you are) but you could at least acknowledge my existence as a human being. I'm not asking to be your best friend – I'm just asking you to show some courtesy. Just say hi and ask me how I am. That's it. We don't have to have a conversation. Just be polite, or did your mother not teach you that?
• I hate it when professors assign things due right after breaks. Why do you think we get a break? So we can GET A BREAK, not do more work for your class! especially assigning a 10-page paper due the Monday after spring break? Do you honestly think anyone would spend their spring break doing work instead have having fun and relaxing? I blame you for my all nighter this sunday night, yes I could have spaced my work out better and not procrastinated, but you shouldn't have made this assignment in the first place.
• OK, so moral philosophy ... it's about moral philosophy! not about whether the example our professor uses is completely correct, do not waste our entire class dissecting whether Japan right now is really in a state of nature, just accept her example and learn what Hobbes would say about the people in the situation! Don't go on and on about how there are still technically "leviathans" set up, even in civil wars. This is not the debate we should be having! Just shut up and let the professor talk! Thank you!
• Why is it that I seem to only meet the guys at AU who just want sex? Who use women for their bodies and then leave them? AU men suck.
• So, can someone tell me why I had a care package waiting for me since Dec. 2, but didn't know about it until Feb. 23? I mean, all of the food in there is freakishly preserved, but still. Good work, desk receptionists, good work.
• I'm all for being green and saving the world, but do the Green Eagles really think the only trash we have in residence hall restrooms is paper towel? Where am I supposed to put my empty tubes of toothpaste? Where am I supposed to put my dull razor heads? Where am I supposed to put my empty bottles of body wash and shampoo? Can't we just have two bins in bathrooms? One for paper towel and one for other, non-compostable waste?
• To the Dav employee who played Schubert's Ave Maria: On the day where I aced a midterm, handed in a perfect paper, and was about to embark on spring break, it was YOU good sir or madam who made my day. Thank you
• To the guy who sat behind me in nutrition class today: I could feel you breathing on the back of my neck. It was super creepy. And I'm pretty sure you coughed on me once or twice. I also heard that you were Skyping THE WHOLE time. Even though there are 40 of us in the class, it's not a huge lecture hall ... try to be a little more considerate next time? Thank you.
• I've been in love with this girl for quite some time. After word got out of it, I think it's safe to say the feeling is not mutual. And if for some reason it was mutual, I'm broke as shit and won't be able to take her out on dates. Life sucks.
• To the person telling people to drink D.C. tap water instead of bottled water: You obviously don’t read the news. The EPA released a recent study that cities across the country have unsafe levels of toxic chemicals. D.C. was one of the worst. Please educate yourself before you make foolish accusations please.
• Why does public safety NEVER enforce the smoking rules? There are pregnant women at AU and the disgusting smokers are polluting the air!
• I don’t understand why Phonathon people are so obsessed with Eagle Rants …
• To the selfish cougher who says staying home when sick isn’t an option: Is something pointing a gun at your head and making you go to class? Staying home and not spreading your sick germs is ALWAYS an option. Take some responsibility for your actions.
• If you seriously think AU doesn’t care for its students, then you really need to try going to a different school. Your spoiled attitude makes me sick. AU is amazing at responding to student needs and many departments have implemented my suggestions upon a simple request. I have never heard of a school offering so many student input surveys and quality control measures as AU does. If you don’t like AU, then please transfer out. The rest of us are more than happy here.
• The crusade to remove bottled water from campus is beyond idiotic. If there is no water sold, people will buy unhealthy drinks like soda and sugary sports drinks. With all the reports in the news about the EPA findings of unsafe drinking water in DC and other cities around the US, you would be a fool to NOT drink bottled water. Why don’t you do something sensible like eliminate soda on campus. That would sure “save plastic.”
• To the person who doesn’t know what to major in: I was in the same boat. You don’t have to figure it all out right now. Most people work in a job that has nothing to do with their major. A well-rounded education is never a waste of money. Just take classes in lots of different areas that interest you until you find something you love. Do well in your classes and you will be fine.
• Stop your bratty complaining about the AU food service. AU’s dining hall has the nicest food of any college I have ever been to, including Ivies. AU was voted best college for vegetarian and vegan food offerings. If you don’t like the food, go to the grocery store and make your own damn food.
• OK I usually don't pay attention to SG elections, but their Facebooks have wonked all over me so I started looking at some of the presidential candidates platforms, and boy is it a bunch of crap! One of them wants to do a survey ... um I think AU already does that. It's called the campus climate survey ... READ YOUR E-MAIL!
• Dear Dav, Sell water bottles, and take credit cards ... Hipsters are not cool and neither is your trendy green environment movement.
• Subway, I want RUSSIAN DRESSING. SERIOUSLY HOW HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF RUSSIAN DRESSING? Call up your franchise owner and demand Russian Dressing. Until then I boycott you.
• We all know spring is almost here with the sight of plants awakening and the wonderful lingering scent of cow poo hitting our nostrils once more.
• Clawed won the Mascot Madness 2011 ... I'm happy our mascot is a BAMF : )
• I just looked at the Course Registrar and the new time slots make me want to cry a little bit.
• Dear Dav workers, Your loyal patrons love you too. Greatest place on campus, especially since you all are always so friendly and stylish. Please keep smiling at me when you hand me my croissants and chai. It makes my day every morning. So much Dav love right here.
• Another phonathon rant ... The guy who answered said the man I was looking for had been dead for 17 years or so. He then proceeded to scream at me about how four others from AU had called and he had told them, too, that the prospect was dead. I apologized and said I did not know how it had happened, and he informed me that I was "Full of crap." Thank you, sir. I appreciate your assessment of my character via a five minute call in which all you did was scream, and I politely attempted to assuage your misplaced fury.
• It feels as though my accidental habit of skipping Arabic once a month has become more than just a gift to myself. It's a necessity for my sanity.
• I am secretly in love with SG president Nate Bronstein. Maybe love is an overstatement, but the worst part of this infatuation is that I am actually a part of SG. I talk to him maybe once or twice a week and yet he fails to notice that I did my hair that day. So sad the day when Nate will be replaced as SG president.
• Charlie Sheen for commencement speaker???
• Just because you arrive 20 minutes late to class EVERY WEEK, doesn't mean you get to take the 10:40 class and make it end at 11:00. People have to Metro home before it closes at 12. Stop being such a disorganized professor. You wear a watch. Learn how to use it.
• I keep trying to forget how much I messed up a good thing. I know I can't fix it and the more I try, I just seem to make it worse. I think you're amazing and your eyes just absolutely kill me and the smell of your hair? It's intoxicating. And even though I'm just babbling through for the right words to say, maybe you were right and I'm just another guy but it doesn't mean I don't regret it.
• "WONK Talks." Seriously? Is it just me, or is AU going out of their way to make those of us who hate "WONK" feel continuously pissed off?
• Dear Girl Down the Hall, I know you love these so don't pretend you're not getting this. Yes, I am ignoring you. If you really want to start talking to me all of a sudden after everything you’ve put me through then you owe me one real sincere apology with a lot of explaining to do. I've already wasted the first half of this semester trying to fix things, I'm done with that. Maybe someday one of your close friends will decide that they no longer need you and leave you in the lurch, and you'll finally understand what you've done to me. Sincerely, Heartbroken and Finally Moving On
• The way AU is inundating us with WONK is literally making me crawl in my skin. Make it stopppppppp.
• You'd think with the HUGE surplus of girls a nice guy like me would have a girlfriend. Alas, SOMETHING always gets in the way ...
• To the girl on her bicycle thinking she is a car: YOU ARE NOT A CAR. Get out of the street. All you're doing is making people in cars angry. Good for you that you are using hand signals and respecting the traffic light, but I repeat: YOU ARE NOT A CAR. What's so hard about riding on the sidewalk?
• Why does the University add red tape to events and discourage students from coming by putting "registration" information under the events in Today@AU. Everyone knows you never need to register. The events are welcome to all. Why not let that fact be known?
• Every time I go into TDR for breakfast I see people standing spreading butter or cream cheese on their toast or bagels and then getting crumbs in butter and causing long lines. I don't want to sound rude, but could you please just put the cream cheese or butter on your plate and spread it when you sit down to prevent this from happening? To be fair I know that some plates are so hot that the butter will melt by the time you sit down, but if not, don't ruin the butter for others and make long lines. From an annoyed student in TDR.
• I detest AU and Washington, D.C. in general. I have never met so many superficial, blood-sucking, horrible people in my life. I can't wait to leave and never see this gulag again.
• The athletic department puts out an app. And they expect us to pay $2 for it? I think not, Mr. Gill. I think not.
• Nate Bronstein CAN divide by zero
• Dear neighbors, Go ahead ... it's 3 a.m. on a Wednesday ... play your music loudly. I can't wait to blast my favorite morning soundtrack for you both before my 8:30 tomorrow! -Love a passive aggressive midwesterner that's not going to lose this battle : )
• To the people complaining about their roommates who play loud music: I play my music loud so that I can't hear your annoying complaints about everything. You want it to be quiet? Go to the library.
• To the Dav worker responding to the keychain person: I have worked in retail, and guess what? These jobs exist because the customer is kind enough to buy what we sell. So stop complaining just because you have to deal with a keychain for the entirety of three seconds. Accommodating such a small request is the least you can do, considering the fact that the ID card attached to said keychain is paying for your job.
• Why do so few AU alumni pick up the phone when the Phonathon calls them? I promise, we're very nice people. Even if you don't get money, I'd rather be yelled at then listen to an endless stream of answering machines!
• Can someone please tell me why the library is left at frigid temperatures? Is that AU's sick way of trying to get us out earlier rather than later. Trust me, if I wasn't being tortured by my economics professor, this whole article library thing wouldn't mean shit to me.
• Take your hood off in class when you want people to take your seriously, hoodlum.
• Did you really just take the shuttle from South side to North side!?
• Nice article, Robert Ruszczyk. Don’t know if what you say is true, or partially true, or not, I just think you point something important out. Kudos.
• Yes, it's SG election season again. Yes, most of the campaigns are pathetic. But look at the bright side: none of the candidates are calling themselves WONKS.
• @everyone who's ever worked in food service or retail: PREACH. Yeah, working in the service industry IS service, but we deal with a lot of crap and long hours. It's not that hard to take your ID out off of a keychain or get off your phone for your transaction. Just practice common courtesy. And don't make a mess in clothing stores, I haven't left work before 11:45 at all this week.
• I hate college kids.
• I don't approve of pluralism.
• Why does everyone on campus have such a rude attitude?
• God Save the Tsar!
• To everyone complaining about the low flow shower heads. There are people who shower with a bucket once a week in this world. Realize that this is college, and you have to deal with it for ONE measly year before you get a nice fancy shower. Learn to suffer a little, get a little perspective, and remove the stick from your a**. Love, A student who realizes how lucky she is to be a college student.
• Hey down front, it's usually considered common courtesy to NOT talk on the phone during a movie. Get your head out of your petite, selfish world and recognize there are other people here trying to watch the movie.
• Whenever I e-mail a paper to myself to print, I write nice notes to myself in the subject line so I feel like there are people who love me and think good things about me.
• Ran into two tour groups on my way to the shower. I was wearing nothing but a towel. Oh college.
• PUBLIC SAFETY STOP KICKING ME OUT OF KOGOD AT NIGHT. I’M JUST DOING HOMEWORK. LET ME STAY THERE. MGC IS NOT THE SAME!!!!!
• PHI ALPHA DELTA ... Are ya trying to kill me? I walk outside and I trip over all this string! PUBLIC SAFETY WHY DIDN'T YOU DO SOMETHING?! IT'S DANGEROUS.
• To the jerk who spilled out the contents of the Letts 6 North men's bathroom onto the floor: [Insert title of famous Cee lo Green song here.]
• Hey, thanks for being a drunk jerk and literally throwing your garbage AT me instead of the trash can.
• Dear jerks who stole my table in TDR while I was up getting a drink and a cookie, My stuff was there! Why would you think I was not coming back? And when you realized I was still sitting there, you didn't even attempt to move elsewhere, you made ME move. WHO DOES THAT? I know. Rude people like you.
Rant here!
