• The only type of discrimination AU does not give a crap about is viewpoint discrimination. As long as you write the US is wrong and white males are responsible for the worlds suffering you get an A, all others B+.
• I just found out there are cameras in the AU Library.
• I've had sex in the library.
• Dear Eagle, You rock. Love, An informed journalist
• Thanks financial aid, for taking five weeks to finally process my loans. I understand you take care of like, 6,000 kids, but my bank takes care of a ton more than that and they were able to get the papers in on time. If you were a class, you’d fail. (But thanks for the scholarship!)
• Dear AU Central, When you combine 3 departments, you’re supposed to make things 3 times more efficient, not 3 times slower.
• The frat boys on the shuttle next to me were blabbing about how old they were and how young all the freshmen looked — then they all started saying how cool life was going to be once they finally turned 21. Reeeal mature, guys.
• I missed Salsa’s delicious burritos this summer.
• The only way AU could be better is if they added another sushi place next to the new sushi place and made it free.
• I am SO ANGRY that there is not going to be a Dunkin Donuts on campus. There are 2 Starbucks within a 1-mile radius of this campus and NO Dunkins.
• Eagle’s Nest, thanks for closing at 6 p.m. this summer.
• Dear Leonard 3 Freshmen, Try NOT to be so antisocial. We won’t bite. Let’s be friends! Love, A Sophomore Sweetheart
• I don’t know about y’all, but I would love to eat a burrito for a meal swipe before 8. Make it happen, Bon Appetit.
• Stop and smell the arboretum.
• I hate everybody.
