• Yes, maybe some people in the greek system are different from the stereotype and decent people, it's hard for the rest of us not to group you guys together. So many of you are alike. It's impossible to identify each individual, as terrible as that sounds. I'm still going to stereotype you.
• You and your army of immature skanks don't even disappoint me. Because if you all did, then that would mean I give a shit. You used to annoy me, but now I don't care.
• I thought AU was supposed to be full of politically active, engaged youth. The Citizens United ruling, the death of the health care bill, the goddamn Tea Party - more than ever, students need to be fighting for the change we believed in. Unless you're all just AU Dems throwing out talking points, happy with being lied to and the corporate co-opting of the presidential administration we believed cared about students and their futures just a year ago.
• Dear Eagle: Is it true that Charlie's real name is Clark Kent?
• Dear Eagle: Ten students are MIA in Haiti, you lead with an IFC infraction. Is Katie Couric running your paper lately? EDITOR'S NOTE: Refer to today's Quick Take for our answer.
• Almost 7 years ago President George W. Bush ordered military forces to invade a country already suffering from nearly 10 years of near genocidal sanctions enforced by the United States. The invasion of Iraq was based on the "single question" as Bush put it. The question was, will Saddam Hussein end his weapons of mass destruction program? Well soon it was made apparent that there actually were no such programs, and the whole invasion was based on an entirely false pretext. However, 6 months after the invasion, the Bush administration announced that they were in fact lying when they claimed that they invaded to end the WMD programs, really the reason for invading Iraq was to bring democracy to the poor people living there...and nobody laughed. However, during all of this time it was never suggested in the corporate media that we might have been invading Iraq for the obvious motive of gaining further control over the world's most precious resource. Now, 7 years later, we have a president who has said he stands for change, but is in fact pushing ahead with Bush administration policies in Iraq, such as the massive U.S. embassy set to be built, a virtual city within a city, where naturally security forces will reside at all times. Furthermore, Obama is escalating the totally misguided war in Afghanistan to make it a never-ending conflict that could end in disaster for the U.S. In short, change never comes from leaders; it comes from the people who make their voices so loud that leaders are forced to make concessions. This is why the time for activism is now, right now, no more waiting around for our glorious leaders to throw us some peanuts, we want change, NOW!
• That guy who doesn't like "The Quick Take" is obviously the mystery man giving blow jobs in the Arboretum. TQT is fun.
• The new "campus beautification" shirts Phi Sigma Kappa made could be funny ... if those guys were actually hot themselves.
• I think AU should start random drug testing of Housing and Dining staff. I bet half of them wouldn't pass.
• Why are my student fees being spent on drag shows? If I wanted to see a bunch of ugly women I would go over to Georgetown University.
• To the dork who wrote about cylons: There is no way the library could be cylons, they've got to be Klingons with that noble sense of honor and pride. Kaplah!
• As part of the new Civitas program AU students aren't supposed to use the word angry, rather "grumpy" nor "stupid." They're supposed to say "Moody."
• Is it bad that my respect for people goes down the minute I learn they're in a frat/sorority? EDITOR'S NOTE: Doesn't that make you as 'close minded' as they are?
• I hate music. It's got too many notes.
• In the really awesome Wikipedia game that is sweeping campus, you can get from Hitler to Neil Kerwin in under four clicks. Just sayin.
• Yo, old man on the 2nd floor of the library ... what are you doing here? Why are you having such a loud conversation on your phone? Why do you have an iPhone?
• I've always been curious about fraternities. Are frats simply an excuse for guys to engage in homosexual behavior while under the guise of the "brotherly bonding experience" and the phrase, "no homo?" I'm not sure if that kind of fun is a national thing or simple an AU thing. Your frat brothers are your bros right? You can do ANYTHING with them.
• STOP TALKING ON THE GODDAMN QUIET FLOOR, IDIOTS! I AM ROBBED OF SERENITY AT THE ONE AREA OF CAMPUS THAT IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE GUARANTEED. Seriously, I thought I found a place where I could escape the inane dumbassery of my peers.
• Why have all of the Eagle Rants sucked this semester? And stop hating on the Ginger Kids
• Alex Knepper: Most hated individual at American University?
• Fire alarm, twice in one night in MGC? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.
• DID anyone else notice the hipster invasion? How did it happen with out anyone stopping them?
• Dear Quick Take Hater: Do you know that scene in Raiders where Harrison Ford goes through a lot of trials to find the golden treasurer? That's Charlie. Charlie goes through the muck and mess of the Eagle to find that one true golden piece in the entire issue and presents it to us to savor without the usual Eagle yypos. Just call him Connecticut Jones! EDITOR'S NOTE: Whoever wrote this clearly knows me well, so thank you anonymous friend.
• TKE had the first ever guido party. It was during welcome week and I have the pictures to prove it. Thanks for following in our footsteps everyone.
• If you don't believe in evolution, you should probably go fuck yourself.
• AU should administer a mandatory IQ test before admitting students. That way all of the idiots can be weeded out before it's too late.
• ATV: Bullshit.
• RE: Letterwearer in philosophy class ... since you're taking a philosophy class, you will at some point learn that rational beings would never sink so low as to join greek life. Face it, Socrates, a true Greek, is rolling in his grave over people like you.
• FUCK EVERYONE WHO OWNS A BIKE AT THIS SCHOOL AND NEVER RIDES IT!! Your rusting piece of shit fixed gear is taking up the bike rack space. When I'm rushing to my class after biking to school, I don't need to try to shove your bike as far away as possible just so I can lock mine up.
• To all of the upperclassmen currently living on campus: You can't depend on Housing and Dining forever. Get the fuck over it.
