Right now it's Thursday as you read this. You're starting to think about the weekend, what you're going to do, where you're going to eat, who your beer pong partner's going to be. Yet before you make plans, let me give you a little advice on what you're going to do for the next five nights.
Nothing. I don't care if there's a party, I don't care if you're meeting your long lost twin, I don't care if you're scheduled for liver transplant surgery, all of this can wait.
This is a can't-miss television weekend. It's one of those weekends where the TV Guide looks like a work of art and you thank whoever invented the "last channel" button on your remote.
Why all the excitement? Let me give you the run down.
Thursday Night: The two-time defending Super Bowl champs New England Patriots open up at home versus Randy "because I got high" Moss and the Oakland Raiders in the first game of the NFL regular season. Many people out there do not like Moss, but I'm one of his biggest fans. How can you not love someone who, when asked how he was going to pay for a fine he got, said "straight cash homey", and that "what's 10,000 dollars to me? Next time I'll shake my (expletive deleted) at them"?
With everyone saying how athletes need to be role models for American kids, who better represents American kids today then Randy? A Brash, unforgiving, arrogant, recreational drug user? Plus, did you see his Afro last year?ÿ
Friday Night: In a series with major playoff implications, the Red Sox begin a visit to the Yankees in New York. Do you ever listen to a song that when you hear it, memories that were made while you heard that song come flooding back?
I have a similar experience, except I see the Red Sox celebrating in Yankee Stadium after winning perhaps the greatest postseason series ever played. So go ahead Yankees, beat the Red Sox this weekend, I don't care. I can always wipe away my tears on my 2004 ALCS Champions t-shirt.
Saturday Night: In these two national college football powerhouses first ever meeting, Texas takes on THE Ohio State University. When watching big time college athletics on television from your AU dorm room, I think you can have two reactions. 1: Wow, so that's what it's like to go to a real college. Or 2: Well yeah, they may be good at football, but we'd kick there ass in field hockey!
Sunday: NFL all day. Enough Said.
Monday Night: Falcons vs. Eagles. By this point you've eaten 10 bags of chips, drunk five six packs of soda, got on first-name basis with Domino's delivery guy, and ignored homework and the shower for the whole weekend.
So what do you do? Watch Monday Night Football of course. Don't the people who put together television schedules realize that it's because of weekends like these that people fail out of school?
One final note from last week's Beane Ball: I offer my apologies to Florida fans for picking on them for scheduling Wyoming. I didn't see Texas' game against Louisiana Lafayette on the schedule, whom they beat 60-3. I guess the local Austin middle school football team was busy last Saturday night.
