Lester Russell Allen IV


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The Rusty Nail: The Nail turns screw final time

Let's start things off today with some bad news: This will be my last column printed in The Eagle. No more Rusty Nails. Perhaps if I knew my job was on the line, I wouldn't have written a column that mocked my editors, but what can you do? (Actually, three semesters is a lot out of a college columnist. It's time to pass the torch.)

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The Rusty Nail: You're so vain, SC

Did you hear the exciting news? Did you? Maybe you missed it but, apparently, they are trying to change the Constitution. Of course, I am not speaking of the U.S. Constitution - you know, the one where you can't have slaves (good) and foreigners can't run for president (bad). No, AU's General Assembly has decided to make some very important changes - so important that the student body has the opportunity to vote on them after Thanksgiving break. My loins are quivering in anticipation.

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The Rusty Nail: Facebook facts awe, inspire

Indeed, I have decided to dedicate the rest of my very short AU career to meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends. And what better way to do that than to get a facebook profile? Indeed, after weeks of undercover research and this ham-handed introduction, I have finally decided to come out with my irreverent review of this Internet fad.

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The Rusty Nail: Subsist on a diet of freebies

I have always assumed that a universal truth in college life is that you're always hungry. Most are too broke to eat well and the underclassmen with meal plans get mighty sick of TDR mighty soon. This is where I come in. I am going to do my part to feed the hungry hordes of students. How can I do this, you ask? Well, you see, I have connections in the food industry.

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RED SOX RED SOX

Every now and again, I find it important to reprioritize the things you find important in life. Things like friends, family, schoolwork, and religion are all important, but it helps to figure out which of these things is most important to you. Personally, I reprioritized on Tuesday night, and I decided that the Red Sox were truly the best thing I had going for me.

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The Rusty Nail: AU's Sox reaction was fair game

Something in that Eagle article really got my attention though. The Anderson Hall resident director was "mad." How dare sports fans disrupt study sessions? Absolutely ridiculous. She thinks this is anger-inducing? Perhaps she didn't see the cover of the Boston Herald featuring the bloodied corpse of an Emerson student in Kenmore Square. That would make me mad. All the RDs have to be angry about here are loud students celebrating. We weren't lighting fires and we weren't tossing cars.

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The Rusty Nail: LIVESTRONG for the weak

Yellow bracelets that cost a dollar. You never know where the next fad will spring, do you? Indeed, these LIVESTRONG bracelets are this year's bell-bottoms or Starter jacket. Yellow could even be called the new teal. The best part? That dollar goes to charity! Finally, a way to look cool while showing your support for cancer patients.

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The Rusty Nail: Freshmen need to bond

I was recently at a kegger attended by hundreds of freshman. I did not do this on purpose. As you should know, I am totally against underage drinking (ha, ha). To make things more fun, it was a theme party. A Catholic school theme. Good times. I actually went to a parochial school, but I never had any experiences with jungle juice or even girls with pigtails. What a shame.

News

The Rusty Nail: Word games

The fine folks of Whole Foods Market have taken the euphemism ladder up another notch. They call me a "team member." I think this would be a lot more fun if I were allowed to call my bosses "Coach," but they tend to frown on that.

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