•I got 99 poplars but a birch ain't one
•To whoever drew on my face with highlighter, then told me it'd wash off easily... you lied. Now sporting a pink smiley face and a blue heart on each cheek. :/
•Assassin's Creed Revelations Soundtrack + Arabic Homework = Feeling like a BAMF.
•that awkward moment when the bon appétit workers can't hear what you're ordering at the TDR ice cream counter or at Salsa because your voice doesn't carry over the glass pane because you're too short...
•The ignorance and elitism displayed by the person who said they were proud to be at a school with no football team because the players are all "mindless jocks" is truly astonishing. I feel bad for you, clearly you are trapped in an intellect-free bubble. I guarantee that the vast majority of college football players in this country are much better people than you.
•Again? AU decides to stick a private event in Katzen again? Seriously AU, get a (banquet) room! I pay to use this space, too, you know! God I hate this university.
•Tim McBride flooded my apartment.
•You helped get me back to campus on Saturday night, but I have no idea what you look like. I do remember your name, so Amory (sorry if the spelling is wrong), find me, I'll buy you appreciation food.
•Ah the sound of a constant, torturous stream of mouse-clicks without cessation... I want to jab a chopstick in my ears so I don't have to hear it any more.
•I find myself very disappointed by how much I am paying for housing when I have to: -Pay for my laundry -Have only one elevator working at a time. -Have an icky, run-down common room.
•I've been to New York City, I've never met so many rude, obnoxious, and overly-loud people in my entire life, it's nothing special. DC is better.
•I think I got my roommates sick. I don't feel bad about it AT ALL! Suckers should learn some hygiene, cause at least I can blow my nose.
•Male biddies, do they exist? Am I one? Scary.
•@NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!! -- I commend your quotation of Monty Python, however, it's "Nobody," not "No one." Please correct this in future uses. Signed, A Monty Python Fan
•All I'm trying to get is football scores while none of the Alumni pick up,and u act like i just committed a cardinal sin. jeez #phonathonproblems
•@ Who is this person playing Roller Coaster Tycoon? I want to get to know you! He is my roommate - Ignoramus Timmaeus
•@Oh my God. The hamburgers in TDR... the $16 swipe was worth it. just to be THAT guy... your swipe is only worth $8.... SMH
•I know it was dark in that frat, but come on now. have some standards!
•Why is AU buying wonk t-shirts, when mice are infesting on-campus housing?
•OK it's finals week. Time for library rants. 1.) WHY is the library closing at 9PM on a Saturday night? I need to study! 2.) If I am running a cord across a pathway to get to an outlet, PLEASE STEP OVER IT. WATCH WHERE YOUR LARGE FEET ARE STEPPING, IDIOTS.
•why don't guys make moves when you're cuddling in bed together?!
•@@Dec. 16 ranter: Actually I'm just looking forward to the end of classes. I haven't been excited about a movie release since Phantom Menace let me down. It let me down real hard.
•WHO WAS THE GUY I MET LAST NIGHT? heyheyhehyehyehey
•LA LA LA I wonder how many people this rant will annoy. muahahaha
•A boy ran towards me, picked me up, kissed me, put me down. Was I stoned or in shock?
•Roommate- Quit thinking I write eagle rants about you! I've never written one before! There's nothing to rant about. :)
•dear person who wants to get to know me (the one who plays roller coaster tycoon)...do you love math?
•Phonathoners get extra presents on Christmas/Hanukkah
•Obligatory Phonathon Rant.
•@@The girl who wants a Christian, Republican boy: AMEN. They don't exist :(: GOOD!
•Dear roommate, My ravioli can may stink up the room, but not as much as you do.
•@A Gal With a Plan Rather than act like a passive aggressive child, why don’t you just confront your “obnoxious” roomie and attempt to work it out? I had a roommate like you once. Just keep in mind, snitches get stitches.
•Mistletoe perpetuates rape. Women's Initiative, get on this.
•@"...you must have missed the snow back in October before Halloween..." I'm from Upstate NY...THAT WAS NOT SNOW!
•why don't we put gold on our pizzas? we need to get on top of this brilliant idea
•I hate that AU doesn't sell Smart Water any more. Dasani isn't the same.
•C'mon guys, your Eagle Rants don't need to be that mean. A little meanness is okay (and sometimes completely warranted), but we don't need to get too personal? Let's all be friends, Eagle Ranters! :D [Editor’s note: Agreed! All the meanness is bringing this editor down and making posting Eagle Rants as fun as eating a bucket of scorpions.]
•Starting over next semester. Ugh, I don't know how to do this...
•Can someone please explain what guys find attractive in females? I've seen some rather unattractive ones get attention and I'm just not comprehending.
•@The person who just wants someone to rant about them: Me too!! It'd be so fun and exciting. :) [Editor’s note: See below.]
•@Person who wants a rant about them, THIS RANT IS ALL ABOUT YOU!! :)
•@Trust me. You don't want to be ranted about. I've been ranted about before. It wasn't pleasant.
•Shut up, Donald Trump. #RonPaul2012
•Fine. I get it. You do not want anything more than to be friends with me. But if that's true, geez goddman ACT like a friend. And if that is your way of acting like a friend, then I don't even want anything to do with you. And that will hurt more than anything, it will hurt like a knife stabbing me in the chest. But I can try and move on.
•I just want to be your friend! We have so much in common! But then that party happened and you're still you, and I'm still me, which means that even though you're super big on communicating, neither of us knows wtf is going on. When did my friendships become more stressful than my romantic relationship??
•Fourteen days and I'm home. I can do this, right? Fourteen more days abroad with a hellish roommate, five final exams and ice cold rain forecasted for at least a week? Please someone tell me I can do this.
•That awkward moment you discover your ex is on her second straight boyfriend since dumping you who SHARES YOUR NAME!
•Stop chasing him. He is clearly not interested in you. If you have to message him 3 times before he replies once (with one sentence), then he clearly does not wish to have a relationship with you. Stop seeing things that aren't there. And you two are not at all compatible anyway. MOVE ON.
•@ fellow Wisconsinite. I know the feeling. "Where are you from?" "Milwaukee." "Huh?" "Milwaukee. It's in Wisconsin." "Oh.OK."
•All I need to say is Aaron Rodgers.
•@"I'm kind of weirded out by the fact that people here find me attractive': Tell me about it! I'm a girl, and I feel the exact same way. No one here knows about my awkward past
•I put President Rangos on my christmas list. Can't wait to unwrap him under my tree ;)
•SOOOOOO MANY MEAL SWIPES!?!?
•@RangosHater: Really, our ONE daily rant is that inconvenient for you? You can't just glance over it and ignore it? Don't hate what you can't understand :p
•I adore my bed; I would like to never leave but classes await.
•To the antismokers- While I will give you your air space right outside of doors. I oblige and give the proper "20 feet" away from doors. However, F@!k your other thoughts on telling me to do it in my own home. I don't smoke in my place because I don't like to smoke inside. Secondly, you walk next to 2 busy streets where vehicles put out carbon monoxide. Thirdly, you need to spare me the expense at having to listin to your stupid banter all day long. I smoke because your drull conversations and utter stupidity and lack of concern for humanity piss me off
•That awkward moment when someone tells you all about someone's partying habits, not knowing how you feel about that someone.
•If you don't like soccer, simply don't play/watch it. Don't expose your close-mindedness and rant about how much it sucks.
•I can tell someone is a freshman when they say "OH MY GOD this paper is worth 25% of my grade, that's RIDICULOUS. I'm freaking out" oh hey, I'm writing a paper worth 60% of my grade right now. So glad I have you obnoxious voice to help it go faster.
•No, I want to be more than just friends.
•Are you not publishing these bad boys in the paper any more? Please explain what has happened, because to be honest the only reason I picked up the Eagle was for the rants... [Editor’s note: They’re still in the paper. Check out last week’s Opinion section for the best of last week’s Rants, and pick up tomorrow’s paper to read the best Rants of this week!]
•to dear person defending smokers.... smoking is nasty but please stop farting in our room! just as toxic!
•Instead of going to me for EVERY SINGLE QUESTION you can possibly come up with could you at least try reading the instruction manual or, if it's an assignment, LOOK IT UP? Christ almighty next thing you'll be asking me to wipe your arse.
•@Dec 16 I'm stuck here until the 19th :(
•Person who doesn't want AU to have a football team, I feel like you must be a guy. And in that case you're right, you probably need the odds stacked in your favor to get a girl. But I would like to have some testosterone SOMEWHERE in this school.
•Incident Number 2 of conditioning my neighbor to stop pounding on my wall. Similar to Incident Number 1, as the first pounding began I preceded to blast my music and obnoxiously high levels until I felt she had learned her lesson. Pounding on the wall=more noise.
•This one goes out to the NAVY, because somewhere, at sometime today they did better than the Air Force.
•It's official, drunk me=puke
•There is a hair monster growing the the second shower. A HAIR MONSTER people. And I don't know who's hair it is, but I don't want to touch it, but it attacks my feet and I'm afraid that one of these days it will breach my shower shoes. Please pick up your hair. Ew.
•If you have a problem with me, then come at me. Don't pretend we're still friends.
•The big guy, bald, who goes to the men's basketball games rocks. I duno why it looks like he's always there alone, but I hope he keeps going to games, cause he's got spirit. ROCK ON BRO
•I just need someone to crack fart jokes with...and talk about video games...and have spitting contests with...and wrestle or something. I'm a girl who's tired of being surrounded by other girls.
•Hither not yonder.
•It's about time we find out the truth about Kristen Stewart.
•Frustrated that the Letts vending machines suck
•Turns out Takinoshi, the stuffed horse (try to keep up people) was once a human, but was turned into a horse by an eagle. And that's why he's so afraid of Clawed. And eagles are turning people into horses.
•No dice, Gambler. No frickin dice.
•All that I know about basket ball I learned from One Tree Hill. For those sports challenged I recommend it.
•@Dannyboy When the mind is enlightened, the spirit is free and the body matters not :-P But... I'll be sure to fly my puddle jumper through the gate and search out your location.
•Good Christians aren't Republican. They're busy loving their fellow man.
•Letts 4N: Hell on earth.
•"I strongly suspect that some portion, be it large or small, of the students at American University claiming to be homosexual are lying through their teeth and are just pretending to be gay so that they can get in with the ladies." Actually, I, who claim to be homosexual, am lying through my teeth and just pretending to be gay so that I can get in with the men. Waitwhat?
•Things that seriously. Do. Not. Need. Further. Discussion. Here. Or. Anywhere: Nick Rangos, where smokers should or should not stand, fur, people who sniffle in the library. SERIOUSLY.
•@anonymous, so many apartments and dorms to choose from. don't get me started on the biddees in this district. hopefully I'm yours, and I hope you've had a joyous winter thus far. -(one of the many) 4th floor biddies
•i absolutely hate writing essay, just felt the need to put it out there!
•Did i really just waste my whole weekend trying to do hw and end up only writing one page for my essay? Oh... procrastination
•Dear "If i could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together," There's no need for that because "N" and "O" are already together. Sincerely anonymous
•X,Y Crush problem. Text Y! Try to hang out with Y. Talk to Y in person or on facebook or something else!
•@Katzen ranter: Yes, that sh*t was ridiculous. I understand it was a private event but the organizers could have been a little more understanding about students trying to get into the building the week before finals. Why doesn't the building manager warn us about these events ahead of time?
•Stop singing over my song when I play it damn it, if I wanted to hear you sing it I'd take you to a Karaoke Bar!
•You are a psychopath. Just because someone entered your room while drunk, doesn't mean they did it on purpose. I'm so sick of you being so freaking emotional all the goddamn time. Stop being so bipolar!
•The only reason I go to so many concerts is because my "friends" never bother to hang out with me :[
•I really hate animated movies! Why doesn't anyone want to watch gory horror movies with me?
•That awkward moment when your roommate catches you pleasing yourself...and you continue
•I hate listening to biddies talk about blacking out during review sessions. I'm sorry I actually want learn!
•This weekend was amazing.
•i've been sitting in the formal lounge for three hours with the hopes that you'll come in. please just come in! how else am i supposed to talk to you, you suck at texting...
•I hate my graphic design history teacher. Doesn't she understand that this is a freaking GEN ED? For the first time in my life I'm going to get less than a B in a class. Thanks for killing my want to be a graphic designer.
•is it weird to ask a girl to go on a jog as a first date? i want it to be casual, but part of me doesnt think this is a good idea... feedback?
•How the hell did I not ask you out? The opportunity practically presented itself on a silver platter and I didn't take it. I'm an idiot
•Write All The Rants!
•Occupy Eagle Rants!!!
•Not only do the banks loose all of our money but they also have the gall to take out a 7.7 trillion dollar loan from the American people without asking all the while padding their CEO's wallets and charging us exorbitant fees. Problem?
•WHY U NO LUV ME!!! I GIVE U SWEET LOVIN'!!!!
•Step One: Write Rants, Step Two: ?, Step Three: Profit!
•Does finals week happen turn on some "try to get laid right now" button that solely those with a penis have?
•This is not a party lounge this is a study lounge. If you are not going to study, do not ruin it for others with your skyping and complaints about your "mountain" of work.
•I still think about you even though we haven't even seen each other for a long time. To top it off, running into you after a long time just makes me want to be with you more, even after convincing myself to let it be. I'm crazy about you, and you don't see that. Yet how could you know? We don’t see each other. I've had dreams, written poems, a love letter... I miss you so f**king much. And I find it crazy to think that I'm falling in love with someone who I rarely see, if at all.
•I just want to go home. Screw my final papers and exams. I just want to go home and never come back. (but of course I have to come back...)
•Dear Roommate.. I shouldn't be able to hear the person on the other end of the phone line as if she is in the room with us.. Please learn how to turn down the phone volume..
•A limerick for the Editor: Thanks for publishing all of my rhymes Writing daily is a joyous time I'll keep pumping them out But just give me a shout And I'll sell you these poems for a dime -Local Leprechaun Esq. [Editor’s note: This editor hasn’t got a dime.]
•Great job OccupyDC; when you built that wooden monstrosity in the center of McPherson Square out of plywood, you most likely used Georgia-Pacific plywood, the leading producer in the US. It's owned by the Koch Brothers. Without them, you wouldn't even have an attempt at relevancy. Go home (and take a bath).
•Wow, Clark and Roper Halls were the ones that saved the most energy last month. Because they're the smallest on campus! They probably turned off like 3 lights to catapult into first place.
•Performing and Visual Arts students, Let's take back the building that is basically our second home. I don't know about you but I'm tired of Katzen being whored out for private events. #OccupyKatzen
•I wish I could date a girl on the field hockey team...sigh....
•I find I learn about my fellow American U students just by spying on their computer screens in the library.
•I knew papers were taking their toll when I asked a taxi driver if he accepted Eagle Bucks.
•that awkward moment when you friend a person on facebook and then their parent, who you've never met, friends you.
•Seriously, can someone tell me what the St. Joseph's mascot was doing for the ENTIRE game? That bird is haunting my dreams!
•Attention roommate: Stop taking huge, froglike gulps of your drink as if you're on the edge of dying of thirst, for God's sake the sound of you deep-throating your coffee is just plain grotesque.
•I find myself worried that the one person I want to avoid by moving off-campus just expressed an interest in moving off campus, and talked about how he needed someone to room with him, sure won't be me...
•If you talk to me can you at least bother to swallow that mouthful of food first? I've taken anatomy, I know how digestion works, I neither need nor want a review of mastication.
•@The girl who wants a Christian, Republican boy: They do exist! I am one, I'm just taken. But I'm friends with some and they're single. Don't give up!
•meowmeowmeow
•I just want to be a farmer.
•MEOWMEOWMEOWWW [Editor’s note: What’s up with the meowing?]
•Jeepers creepers! Why do I always get stuck with the awkward roommates?! #MegaFail
•That awkward moment when you are the ONLY one that does not want to go home, and you're crying a lot in the next 2 weeks because you love the people and this place so much. Yeah, awkward. Please miss me as much as I'll miss you.
•I'm still hungover and the party was two days ago...
•She's mispronouncing the state, should I tell her? Or just let her keep saying Oregon all weird?
•That awkward moment when your roommate walks in as your jumping up and down for joy because you found an obscure link to the full text of an article that will make your essay perfect instead of having to pay for the article.
•@ person annoyed about sniffling: I KNOW. BLOW YOUR FREAKING NOSE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
•Desperately trying to email myself a paper to print it in time for class, when I see that familiar message: "Please download safe connect." But I have already downloaded safe connect! Look! Here it is, right here on my hard drive! I already have it, I promise. "Please download safe connect." I HAVE DOWNLOADED IT 16 TIMES SINCE AUGUST. "Please download safe connect."
Rant here!
