•This Rant is currently longer than my paper due Friday. :/
•These hands don't even look like mine anymore.
•I always thought SPA Leadership was like the honors program (i.e. useless and annoying) but without the scholarships … I may put up with crap but at least my tuition is free? Oh, I guess you guys did sell us Taco Bell a couple times freshman year … I did enjoy that. Is there a financial reason to stay in the program … If not, why don't you disgruntled folks bail?
•Dear "Every time I try to get “Beauty and the Beast” out of the library, it’s checked out. I need to meet my fellow Disney-lovers." I'm the one who had it checked out! It's my favorite movie of all time! Let's be best friends?
•What if we had Eagle Rants categories like "relationship rants," "roommate and friend rants,” "school rants,” etc.?
•Eagle sucks for getting rid of anonymous commenting two years ago. Now no one comments on articles or Rants because they don't want to register. And now no one gives me advice on the issues I rant about. And Eagle still doesn't have an anonymous advice column. Major fail.
•@SHINee and U-Kiss fan: If you're cool with 2NE1, Brown-Eyed Girls, Outsider and BIGBANG, you might be interested in hanging out with my roommate and I. Our room=K-Pop zone
•True bliss is finding someone that you love more than you could ever possibly love yourself, and knowing they feel exactly the same way. That they would take a bullet for you because they would rather die than live without you. I'm not much for bragging, but that's what I have and that's why I'll always be happy :)
•Men: Stop encroaching on my space in class! You are not entitled to any more desk space than any other student, so CLOSE YOUR LEGS!
•"I’m trapped in a cycle of slothfulness followed by frantic work, all wrapped up in self-loathing and despair. Hello senior year …"
•I feel you completely. As a freshman.
•I just read CS's op-ed, "Six packs are no match for social norms," and it was so well-written that I became instantly turned on by him. I've never met him but I want to now … badly. Find me, stat.
•I only read Eagle Rants to make sure people aren't ranting about me
•"You know your life is strange when you’re excited to go back to OHIO so that you can Rant about Korean pop music/dramas. V.V I need more Kpop friends at AU so that I can blast some SHINee and U-Kiss with them
•Who the heck from Ohio listens to Korean Pop????
•You're an amazing photographer … I think that's sexy. We should hookup again sometime.
•I don't want to listen to you talk with your dad. I don't want to wave at people on Skype every time I walk in. I don't want to hear the awkward breaks in conversation when the door opens. Thanks. Now I know what grades you got on your tests … This isn't high school, sweetie. I don't care.
•I am sick of the trust fund babies in the school spending their parents’ money while not learning a thing. I can’t afford to have AU friends
•That was NOT AVOCADO that I just ate. I don't know what it was, but it was NOT AVOCADO.
•Ironic how "Pronto" takes a long time to make paninis.
•"Yes" does not count as "words of affirmation.” You need to read "The Five Love Languages,” Eagle Rants Editor. I need to be told how special I am. [Editor’s note: You’re special.]
•Can someone please start a Disney movie appreciation club, during which we watch Disney movies once a week and then maybe play a board game of Disney Trivia? This would make my life.
•The clothes you lent me are going where they belong … with the homeless guy by Z-Burger.
•I hate when you forget to turn off your swag at night and wake up covered in girls …
•Hey Hughes 6 — LIVE A LITTLE. Your Teddy had the time of his life on Hughes 5.
•Hughes 6 … no.
•Hughes 5 wins again. And again. And again.
•Dear nice Jewish boy, Find me. Love, nice Jewish girl
•OMG I love ranting. Why is this the first time I've done this??
•Met a cutie at JSA speed dating. FIND ME, JEWISH BOY.
•ONE WEEK UNTIL ASSASSIN'S CREED REVELATIONS COMES OUT.
•Justin Bieber has a Christmas Album -Signs of the Apocalypse
•Dear people who #hashtag everything, please restrict this to Twitter. You're obnoxious — especially when you say something like "Hashtag first world problems." That's infinitely worse than typing it anywhere that's not Twitter. And stop complain about living in the 'privileged' world, dignity people geez … Love, Conservative 'Hashtager'
•I'm so horny I could cry. You're a guy AND my boyfriend; that means you should always be down to have sex with me. Am I dating the only guy on the planet that doesn't want to have sex daily???
•Berlin from Salsa dressed up as Lady Gaga in her bubble costume. This officially makes her the most epically awesome person ever.
•To paraphrase a “Friends” episodes, I haven't had sex, I'm worried it's changed and I haven't gotten the memo.
•So my best guy friend is totally awesome, but lonely and single. And my best girlfriend is totally awesome yet lonely and single. Yet neither one is interested in being set up with the other.
•We had a really legit, albeit drunken, conversation the other night. Because AU social life is weird, I'll probably never see you again.
•Just when I was starting to feel good about my body for once … I start feeling fat again.
•"asdfjkl;" Should be officially added to the dictionary. I know of no other words to describe the feeling "asdfjkl;" describes.
•Death to all past ignorant Eagle Rants. This is to address some of the most idiotic rants I've read in the past.
•1. TDR, Tavern and Aramark workers are NOT your personal maids. Stop complaining that they do not bow down to your over-sized egos. We're all big kids now; clean up after yourself. 2. Why is the "suspect" in almost every "crime alert" described to be a tall African-American male? AU you need to step up your creativity. 3. Congratulations to American University's increase in diversity … I'm no longer the ONLY black person in class. There's two of us now!
•I wonder how many rants I can get published in one day …
•Is it ironic that I am procrastinating on my Civil Disobedience readings by ranting?
•Students, when you are in TDR and drop a utensil or food DO NOT try to pick it up quickly and put it back. You are not slick. Most likely someone will see you and call you out.
•Also, when hovering over food do not sneeze or cough period. But at least, if you have to, cover your mouth. Cough into your elbows, not your hands then try to touch all over the food that we all have to eat. Who raised you? Cover it up!
•Oh no no nooooo don't funk with my heaaaart.
•Lunch at Tenley Cafe is seriously underrated. Stir-fry FTW!
•Laundry Thef t(caution this is a true story):
•If I'm doing my laundry and I come back three minutes after my laundry is finished, DO NOT touch my clothes. At the same token, do not leave your laundry in the machine all day. And do not go shopping through people's laundry. I’ve been robbed of half of my wardrobe and I'm sick of it! If I find you wearing my shirt that I've had since gymnastics in the 7th grade, I will find you and it will not be pretty.
•Free things from Panera: baguette, coffee thermos, cookies. It's like they're compensating for something …
•Dear Cars in Ward Circle, Do NOT honk and curse at me when I cross in the crosswalk when my light is green and your light is red. Next time I will jump on the hood of your car and proceed to imitate a gorilla until you understand that red means stop. Sincerely, A Law-Abiding Pedestrian
•Dear jealous of rape victims: rather than get into a debate, I’ll just say LOL.
•To the Phonathon inquirer: actually, both.
•Dear AU Central, why do I have to come to your office and communicate with people who do not know what they're talking about? Talking in circles about nothing? Yeah, real helpful, guys. On top of that, why do I have to stand in front of the entire office like a convicted felon trying to get on parole, while you scream all my business so loudly? Like, what happened to confidentiality? I think the whole office overheard my Social Security number, birthplace and future college debt, yeah. Thanks, AU central.
•Shout out to all the classes with deceivingly cool titles but consist of lousy professors, boring material and long unnecessary readings. For example "The Roots of Racism.”
•Dear RPG geek, we actually play World of Darkness quite often in ATV …
•To all the people ranting about Tommy, How many of you actually listened to the original album? Actually, without looking it up, name eight songs on the album. I'm fairly certain most of you don't actually know what it's about.
•Dear League of Injustice, Get your act together. -Butts Ma Buttsface
•What kind of Subway runs out of bread?!
•Toothpaste makes me thirsty.
•If The Eagle can't do the police blotter anymore, I think much more care should be given to select good Eagle Rants. Seriously, this last selection in the paper edition was deeply unfulfilling. Not only am I disappointed in the ranters, I am disappointed with the editor's choice to put in non-Rants. The "notice the pleasant things in life" type quotations. This isn't MLIA or MMT, these are the Eagle Rants, WTF. Have some integrity!
•Its funny, the end of daylight savings seems to have resulted in a decrease of DARKNESS!!!!
•I know its tough, but lighten up DARKNESSSS!!!!!!
•WE DO NOT SPEAK THE NAME OF THE DARK LORD!!!!
•I was working and lost track of time, so that when I looked up from my computer and went outside, I was surrounded by DARKNESSSSS!!!!!
•11/11/11. GET SOME!
•Dear League of Injustice, You have a piece of food caught on your braces. -Butts Ma Buttface
•Since it seems all people can do it complain about The Eagle, I'd just like to say I think you guys are doing a great job! There's the occasional epic misprint, but for the most part nothing that ruins publishing a bunch of great articles every week. [Editor’s note: Thank you very much! We appreciate your kind words.]
•The reviewer for “Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog” has a Ph.D. in Horrible Writing.
•I saw you on the 31st around 5 p.m. on the Quad kicking a soccer ball around. You were wearing an auburn sweater/skirt with boots. You are beautiful and I want to know your name.
•This schools spends how much money on an ad campaign, but they can’t replace the toilet seats in the girls bathroom on the second floor of the library? Really?
•Dear outside observer of SPA Leadership's "Rantgate 2011,” Would you rather just read the redundant complaints about Phonathon and the AU dating scene? Seriously, if you’re tired of hearing people whine, it might be time to cut back on the Rant-reading. Sincerely, a recovering Rantaholic.
•Dear Lonely Ladies no longer on the Quad — I would love to meet you in the second floor lounge, but alas I don't know which building this second floor lounge is or when you'll be there -sadface- -A Warm and Cuddly Male
•My first crush on an Irish girl, I was ten years old and her name was Elaine. Little redhead girl, well, she looked like you if you were ten. Which you're clearly not. Not that you look old, but you get my … I'll just stop now.
•@I think it’s really mean that people are saying such rude things about the AU play: Part of being in the theater industry is dealing with criticism. Sometimes that criticism is harsh. It's an important skill for performers to develop a tough skin. Also, most of the criticisms I noticed were about directorial decisions, and not about the performers themselves. The director is a big boy and can take care of himself.
•Before there were schweddy balls, there was the SCHWEDDY BEAR!
•I'm always shocked when people say "I'm pretty" or how surprised they are that I'm not getting any. Hopefully this "datemycampus" will be the new CollegeACB, because clearly LAL hasn't been doing the wonders that it should for me. - Sexually frustrated in Centennial
•Contrary to popular belief, most people actually love being in the leadership program. Just sayin’.
•Dear Wednesday, I understand that you are happy, but burning my corneas while I am trying to sleep at 7 a.m. isn't the way to go. Sincerely, Someone who personifies weekdays. And hates the time change.
•For the third time in a row I am going to have classes everyday. What have I done to displease you schedule gods?!
•Why does a bagel with cream cheese cost over $3 at Einstein's? And they don't even prepare my order with love … I should head back to Jersey where a bagel and coffee is $2
•I am going on a water-and-Ramen diet until further notice, because I'll be damned if I remain "the fat American" while I'm abroad next semester.
•1. This is the stupidest assignment ever. We are in understanding MUSIC, why are we doing a play that has NOTHING to do with music?? 2. This is the WEIRDEST play I have ever read. WHAT DOES IT MEAN??? 3. Why are we doing this??? This is a waste of my time.
•@Even The Eagle writers can’t spell “definitely” correctly. I thought I had escaped this issue in college, but apparently, this word shall haunt me for the rest of my life. "If you put an "a" in definitely, you're definitely an A-hole" -The Oatmeal
•@Nick Rangos, why don’t you appreciate my Rants??
•I appreciate you, Rangos-Ranter. You're very creative, not to mention persistent!
•I need more artsy friends. Nobody wants to go to art house theaters or the Kennedy Center. Or if they do, they're busy.
•I'm sorry, but I don't want anything more than friendship with you. You're just too … nice.
•Who is Liz Richards? I don’t know who this girl is. It says the vice president of our school … does she do anything? Seriously, who are you?
•Anderson 3: Keeping it classy one transport at a time.
•Why can't we have a cat? We're going to adopt a cat that's part fish so we can keep it in my room. MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MOEW ~ Ando 3 North
•To my fellow Anderson 3 North Family, Please STOP throwing up in the sinks, showers, washing machines, lounge, study lounge, hallways and babies.
