•Only Nate Bronstein can stop the League of Injustice!
•Who’s spending Thanksgiving on campus and alone because all her friends are going back home? I AM!!! WOOOHOOO to lonely Thanksgiving dinners.
•I don't understand. I'm attractive and not crazy. Why can I not find a steady hook-up buddy? Stop wanting relationships! I want your love, I don't wanna be friends!!
•Dear "Normal AU Student", I'm not a real senator here at AU. It's an inside joke with my friends. We were laughing. But I really do miss the jalapeños :(
•Thanks Eagle for Posting more rants everyday! The Phonathon loves you!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Editor’s note: We love you too!]
•I'd rather punch a baby than be oppressed by the SPA Leadership program director
•EAT THE GECKO. CLAWED, EAT THE GEICO GECKO.
•At [Editor’s note: Right now, we don’t have a writer who wants to write an advice column.] : umm Did you read the question? The ranter was saying he/she doesn't want an advice columnist. He/she wants the advice column to be open forum, where anybody (read no Eagle staff necessary) can comment and give advice to advice-needing ranters.
•Dear Eagle Rant people, way to screw up the Rant I submitted (the Eminem lyrics about dreams and screams). It made no sense when you put it into two Rants. [Editor’s note: Sorry about that. It’s fixed now.]
•I am so excited for Thanksgiving Eagle Rants. I'm pretty sure my family is more screwed up that all of your families put together. Who's up for a Thanksgiving Rant off?
•Dear Eagle Rants editor, I thank you for all of your hard work. Please don't let the criticism of ranters get to you. They are only taking their frustrations out on you because you are a convenient and anonymous target. We all love you very much. THREE CHEERS FOR EAGLE RANTS EDITOR! [Editor’s note: Three cheers for you too!]
•I'm lonely. :(
•My diet consists of three food groups. Ice cream, pizza and more ice cream.
•Um OK, if he doesn't want to put your relationship on Facebook, then IT IS NOT A REAL RELATIONSHIP. If he really cared about you and loved you, he would want to show you off to all his friends. You're being dumb.
•I miss AU so frickin’ much. You have no idea how much law school sucks. I mean, I think it will get better after the first year. But right now I'm pretty sure that I hate my life.
•What ever happened to Charlie? I heard he got recruited to run "CIA Rants," where government informants Rant about the subjects the government has assigned them to spy on. [Editor’s note: He’s at USA Today. Or at least he says he’s at USA Today …]
•Dear Eco-sense: If you want to reduce waste, launch a campaign against soda drinking. It's bad for physical health and environmental health. Your idiotic campaign against bottled water only turns people off from the “green" movement. Getting rid of bottled water will only cause people to choose whatever other drinks are now conveniently available (read: soda). This does not help the environment. It only promoted diabetes, obesity and cavities. Please use logic before you launch campaigns. K thanks.
•Dear Eagle Rants god, What is the word count limit on Rants? Will you delete my Rant after a certain number of characters? Or will you just shorten it to the best of your ability? [Editor’s note: The word count is 100 words. After that, it gets deleted.]
•Guy who's into Jewish Girls, How attached are you to Catholicism? -Single Jewish Girl
•Well dayum, well-fed freshman.
•I'm a sophomore, walking the line of running out of meal swipes, Dining Dollars and EagleBuck$ early. Help me out please! PS: I'm a good friend. :) - Potentially starving in Centennial
•Such a bummer not being able to go for hot guys because your gay friends called dibs on them.
•I wanna go to the JSA speed dating, but am working. Wahh.
•It's not Warrshington; it’s Washington.
•We're perfect for each other … so please make an effort to talk to me! I'm really nice and approachable. I know you're not shy, so stop pretending you are.
•I would like both: to have an advice column to ask questions on, and likewise, to receive questions and be able to respond. So I guess I either want to be a writer for an advice column, or I want to have an interactive system, where I can both, ask questions, and respond to questions. How do I start my quest to obtain such a glorious system? Kthxbai [Editor’s note: If you’re looking to write an advice column for The Eagle, stop by MGC 252 and we’ll chat. If you’re looking for a platform for such a column, perhaps Google can give you advice?]
•All the Rants about pooping are making me feel better. I thought I was the only self-conscious one in the bathroom.
•Where is the couch?
•I check out a lot of movies from the AU library. I wonder if the employees recognize me and talk about me after I leave, like "oh, its that kid again … he checks out the weirdest movies." lol
•Do any other lower-middle class people feel out of place sometimes going to AU? I feel like I can't go do anything with my friends, because I can't afford it.
•I sometimes get the urge at Phonathon to ask the alumni to donate to the help me pay for college fund. @__@
•I tried writing an essay and couldn't work up the motivation. Then I put on the Braveheart soundtrack.
•Five pages in an hour and a half? Done.
•Dear "Sometimes I get jealous of rape victims," your incredible level of stupidity has given me a migraine.
•Dinner break - do I want TENDAS!!! a taco salad that is really nachos. or a burr(that's cold)-ito? such is what plagues my mind working at Phonathon.
•How did life even exist before daily Eagle Rants?
•Schweddy Balls!!
•Love when people make the study on the floor a dance party when I'm trying to do work.
•How come no one comments on Eagle Rants anymore when people rant questions? You guys know that you can comment at the bottom of the page of each Eagle Story (including Eagle Rants) right?
•There are more songs in the world than Mona Lisa. No need to play it over and over again. And headphones are a great investment.
•To the Indian accent speaker. Me and my suitemates would love to meet you … We speak with Russian accents while getting ready for bed. Soul mates? I think so <3
•Dear DC, Cherry Dr. Pepper exists. And it is heavenly. Get with the program.
•A third opinion on AU Abroad: No, I did not find the TWO people I tried to work with "fantastic.” (I emphasize two because one could have been an aberration from the norm but two is questionable.) I had to take a certain class for my major while I was abroad to stay on track, and they were both very unhappy about it. Gee, sorry I want to graduate on time.
•"Again with the same question: How did the Eagle Rants editor become the Eagle rants editor? [Editor’s note: By slaying dragons, rescuing princes and just being an overall BAMF.]" So being Mario made you editor? [Editor’s note: That’s about right.]
•I'm trapped in a cycle of slothfulness followed by frantic work, all wrapped up in self-loathing and despair. Hello senior year …
•I am a little shy but love meeting new people. It drives me nuts when I am with someone I know, and someone that they know but that I don't approaches us, and we don't get introduced. In this situation, if you're the common factor between the three people, step it up and introduce everyone! It's just the least awkward option.
•SPA Leadership is ridiculous. It doesn't cultivate leaders as much as it identifies who might be successful in the future. For god sakes, their curriculum includes enneagrams - a fake-science personality typology.
•I have my problems with the SPA Leadership, but I'm generally happy with the program. But, please, when some students vent on EagleRants, don't send out a program-wide email demanding that no one say anything negative about the program. It just makes me want to Rant more.
•Generally, if someone is trying to be polite, albeit by asking a relatively "dumb" question, it only makes you look like an @$$ if you're rude in return. And would you prefer I say, "Can I have a No. 5 please?” or, "GIMME A SANDWICH, WOMAN"? On a related note, Get. Over. Yourself.
•The awkward moment when someone explains to you what a biddie is at a party, and when you wake up the next morning and realize that you're a biddie.
•Dear TDR ice cream lady, thank you for telling my roommate that her voice was deep and sexy. The sarcasm was lost on us and it made for a great conversation.
•Oh. My. GOD. The Alpine Greek yogurt that's now at Megabytes, etc, IS SO TERRIBLE UGHGHGHHHH IT TASTES LIKE SPOILED MILK. I thought it had gone bad. I'm sticking with Chobani; I don't care if it has more carbs. Gonna go throw up now.
•To the people who were complaining about Hughes 6: At 2 a.m., we're in our lounge doing homework and walking in the halls like the rest of the dorm. So stfu about us being loud. - Hughes 6.
•Idea: replace the WONK campaign with one that showcases AU's best features: our ultra-friendly squirrels.
•Panera Rant.
•Note to anonymous 5th floor agitators: I don't care about your rants, but don't f*** with my stuff. Seriously, I will end you.
•I am the walrus.
•SPA Leadership sent an email over the listserv complaining about us ranting about SPA Leadership. Freedom of speech, baby. The program is an obnoxious resume line.
•What is the policy with advertising in Rants? I don't feel like searching for the answer, so: "Just do it" "Have it your way" - We'll see if this gets posted. If it is, know that I will relentlessly post about random stuff every day. [Editor’s note: No advertising/pyramid scheming/etc. allowed, for future ref.]
•Today I had elevator-bonding time with Tim McBride AND Nick Rangos! <3 <3 <3
•Eagle Rants are degrading into a sort of pathetic eHarmony knock-off for college students too poor to pay the monthly fee for the real thing.
•Ice.
•Dear life, Why must you be so complicated in so many aspects? As if I don't have enough worries in my life and then I have to deal with guys. Oh boys. You make life so complicated. -girlproblemsatAU
•I am a catch.
•One of the best things about having classes in Katzen is stealing food from the events held there. On the one hand, they are totally disruptive to my learning environment … on the other hand these mini fruit tarts are amazing!
•Who else is really psyched about the new Muppet Movie? I cannot wait to see it!
•Why is there never any milk in TDR? How about you guys spend less on bread and more on milk.
•"Most SPA Leadership students are pretentious, humorless and unimaginative. Don’t take yourselves so seriously." That's quite an over-generalization, don't you think? As a new student in SPA Leadership, I have found that the majority of the people in the program are friendly, driven and honestly don't take themselves too seriously. The majority of the problems that people Rant about have to do with the way the program is set up, not the people. If you have an issue, speak up instead of making anonymous attacks!
•I love how the AU Dems is hosting a Republican debate watching party to attempt and make a mockery of Republicans, while they really are just trying (albeit, in a lackluster manner) to show up for their lack of events. Maybe if they got back from OccupyDC, things would get done.
•That awkward moment when you've hooked up with two different people in the same house …
•"WHY DO PEOPLE COME TO AU FOR THEIR PRE-MED PROGRAM?! JESUS. MARY. & JOSEPH. DID YOU GET REJECTED THAT BADLY?!" Eighty-four percent of AU pre-med students get into med school. This is the same figure as at Georgetown and higher than at GWU. I also wouldn't go around bashing them, not only will they be making 10x more than you ever will with your SIS degree, but they will be there to save your life.
•Why does the Eagle not publish my rants about my Rangos fever? [Editor’s note: Depending on the Rant, we try not to publish things that may invade someone’s privacy, which is why we no longer allow the James Wigley Rants, for example.]
•I got to TDR just after they stopped serving omelets today :( I really wanted one. They didn't have any blueberry bagels either. Also the OJ tasted nasty. It was a very disappointing breakfast.
•I should have kissed you yesterday when we parted ways at the metro station, C. We hugged each other good bye and I had a clear shot at your neck at the very least, but I didn't take it. I hesitated when I heard your surprise at the situation. Expect a kiss coming your way soon. ~D
•This isn't a Rant, so much as a shoutout. Kudos to all the soccer girls, who still manage to look good, even when limping around TDR with bags of ice taped to themselves.
•We are the 99 percent who love President Rangos … and his abs.
•People who use LAL for late night "study breaks," are you ever really successful and satisfied?
•If I ever find out who stole my wallet I will end them. I didn't even leave it lying around. Whoever it was took it out of my backpack. We've got some theft wonks around here.
•Blargggg. I have a rather large paper due in two weeks and I have yet to start reading any of my sources.
•To the cast and crew of "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog," it was absolutely fantastic. One of the best things I've seen at AU. I knew it was going to be good, but I had no idea it would be that good. Congrats on a great show.
