Editor’s Note: After repeated requests to publish Eagle Rants each day, rather than seven days worth of Rants once a week, The Eagle will publish Rants once a day this week. This is a trial period and Rants will not necessarily continue as such after this week.
•Officially in a war with mice. Thanks for all the support 2FIX, but not.
•Eagle editors: this week of Rants has been swell. Even just one week of daily postings a month would be a nice change of pace.
•You posted Eagle Rants on the weekend?! You are beautiful souls, Eagle staff. Keep up the good work. [Editor’s note: Your thanks are greatly appreciated.]
•Dear "From the office of a Senator" I want to pour ice water on you. You are not a real senator. Shut up. Sincerely, Normal AU student
•We have had a retro video game night, “Rocky Horror Picture Show” and a Harry Potter movie night … Where are all my Star Wars people?!
•Dear registrar, Those Asbury rooms you love to stick Spanish classes in? Yeah, they don't actually have a room capacity of 25 like you claim. We barely fit even 15 people in the classroom. Please learn to count. My elbows are getting very sore from being packed like a sardine for a block class.
•It's Saturday night and while my roommate is at a frat party, I'm watching “Aladdin” on ABC Family. I think I win this one.
•Thank you Eagle Editors for listening to your readers and deciding to post Rants every day. I LOVE YOU!
•Dear Eagle, What is the status of thee advice column? Would it be possible to make it open forum so that anyone in the AU community could provide answers to questions rather than just one pretensions advice giver? [Editor’s note: Right now, we don’t have a writer who wants to write an advice column.]
•Dear couple that loves to fondle each other in my forensic psychology class, Please stop. Just because you sit on the side of the room does not mean we all notice. Love, The whole class
•I can't remember that last time I ate a dinner that wasn't frozen and then microwaved. #probablyonmywaytocancer
•You say you love me. So SHOW IT! COME AFTER ME! I'm not pouting because I want to pout. I’m pouting because I want YOU to MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!
•Again with the same question: How did the Eagle Rants editor become the Eagle rants editor? [Editor’s note: By slaying dragons, rescuing princes and just being an overall BAMF.]
•AU really needs to expand their secret society. As in more non-Jewish secret societies.
•Dear ___: You are not "innocent" because, whenever you hook up with guys, you let them go down on you and then do nothing in return to them. That just makes you an unethical tease and a slut. Get some standards and stop leading guys on. P.S. You know you can still get STDs from oral sex right? It's called herpes. Google it.
•So I went home for the weekend and, while I was in the kitchen, my mother smacked me when I took a slice of pizza (there were nine slices left and no one else was home). She said "I didn't invite you to dinner." Sorry, I didn't know you had to invite your own daughter over and give her permission to eat. It's not like we can't afford pizza. We're millionaires. Why is my family so fucked up?
•What is the Eagle Rants policy on cussing? Do you delete the whole Rant if it has a cuss word in it? Or do you just delete the bad word or replace it with symbols? [Editor’s note: Depends. Typically, we delete the cuss word or substitute them for things like “crap” or “screw.” If the entire Rant is profane or if it doesn’t make sense without the profanity, sometimes we put symbols and sometimes we delete it.]
•Why were Eagle Rants not ALWAYS a daily thing? Like why did it take four years for this to come to fruition? Not saying I'm not grateful though … [Editor’s note: Rants have been around for less than three years.]
•Is Eagle Rants editor male or female? Or is it more than one person?
•Why are there crisis hotlines for rape but no crisis hotlines for any of the painful stuff I am going through in my life? Sometimes I get jealous of rape victims.
•I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it. And when you dream, I hope you can't sleep. And you scream about it. I hope your conscious eats at you and you can't breathe about it.
•AU = best school ever. D.C. = best city ever. AU students = best people ever. AU professors = best teachers ever.
•I NEED SOME WORDS OF AFFIRMATION! [Editor’s note: YES.]
•Dear Lois Lane, I'm not very good at guessing games — just at leaping tall buildings. If you want to talk to me, just go for it. I’m really not intimidating. -Clark Kent in Understanding Media
•Yes I am listening to Christmas music. I need the uplifting vibes, due to all the stuff going on in my life. Stop judging me. And while you're at it, bring me a candy cane.
•To the ranter with Asperger's: you are not pathetic! Plenty of AU students, including me, have invisible disabilities and struggle with day-to-day tasks. Just focus on your accomplishments and don't give up.
•Backpack got stolen. Someone's a Thief Wonk.
•I get my revenge on TDR and the Student Health Center by stealing bananas and putting condoms on them. My 50k is not going to waste.
•There were two groups of civilians playing capture the flag on the Quad last night. Guess who won? The League of Injustice.
•"Hell, I'd speed date for friends" aka formal Pan-Hellenic recruitment? Go greek!
•@multicultural affairs email recipient: Congratulations, most ignorant Rant yet. You don't have to be of "color" to be multicultural … culture and skin color aren't necessarily related. But I guess you haven't realized that yet.
•Jewish girls are sexy. (I'm Catholic.) Any single Jewish girls around?
•To the girl in TDR who was wearing the purple and black striped winter hat. You were wearing a shirt branded Lucky Brand Jeans. I smiled as you passed by, which I think you misunderstood or thought was creepy. But I actually was laughing to myself because I was wearing Lucky Brand jeans at that time. Maybe you'd like to get in my Lucky jeans sometime. Ha ha ha … :)
•AU's Production of “The Who's Tommy” was excellent. You were supposed to be offended. You know why? Because sexual assault is offensive, and millions of children live with it as a reality worldwide. Any attempt to sugar coat that reality would be dishonest to the message at the core of the show.
•@"AU Abroad is dumb." Um, have you actually worked with AU Abroad? They are fantastic.
•Can you fight for 15 minutes straight? Because I can. And have. Osu!
•Re: Re: economics test coughing, That is completely fine for the people who actually have a legitimate hacking cough. I'm just really having a hard time believing that 250 people all have the same cough that ONLY seems to show up at the time of the test. If all 250 people all have the same cough — man, we're screwed for flu season.
•LISTEN. PA on the sixth floor who has an obsession with the RA … YOU have a boyfriend. HE has a girlfriend. THAT is all. THANKS.
•Screw Tim McBride.
•Yes, we ARE the one percent and proud of it. Love, centennial occupants
•To all the people wearing puffy North Face jackets. It's Nov. 5, grow a pair.
•Can’t we hook up when were sober too? I’m hot, you're hot. Let's do this more often.
•I lost my wallet on the shuttle on Saturday night. It's OK if you take the $6 in cash, I just really, really need my key, ID and driver's license back. Please, please return it to Public Safety if you're the one who found it.
•(Makes my heart break) sick girl, no matter how sick you get, and how much hair you lose, you'll always be too beautiful for me. Forever and always. - Your centennial crushee
•@"Donate to Colbert PAC. Now." Uh, It's Colbert Super PAC. Get it right!
•It's a little hard to offer constructive criticism when your program director is a former attorney and makes you feel like you just robbed a bank.
•Most SPA Leadership students are pretentious, humorless and unimaginative. Don't take yourselves so seriously.
•It's not that I love SPA Leadership. It's just that I don't feel the need to anonymously whine about it all the time.
•I hardly think any of the Eagle Rants about AU's production of "The Who's Tommy" were rude. I personally enjoyed the show, but people are entitled to their opinions. I think most people in theater know that you shouldn't get offended by a couple of negative reviews.
•@Someone who doesn’t have their head up their butt: I am the one of the people who answer the question. However, I feel like three people in a class of 30 shouldn't have to do all of the work. -Someone whose participation grade is not suffering
•Dear Abroad TA, Why don't you spend your time abroad actually enjoying abroad. No one here wants to listen to your opinions. There was a reason people clapped when you said you were going abroad … Everyone hoped you wouldn't come back. Sincerely, Your in Spain, LOVE IT
•I'm a little confused as to why the review for AU's production of “Tommy” was published two days after the last performance. I was under the impression that the point of a review is to either persuade or dissuade the reader to see the play.
•My boyfriend from GW told me if he had met me after the WONK campaign started he wouldn't have dated me. WONK sucks.
•When do we find out what is replacing McDonald’s? [Editor’s note: Probably not until the end of the semester or the beginning of next.]
•I don't know if it\'s a terrible coincidence, but every time my neighbor and her boyfriend are having sex loudly, I'm reading the scriptures for my religious studies class. #dormlife?
•I'm really sad, and all of my friends are too preoccupied with their own lives to care. - Lonely at AU
•Went to CVS for pudding because Eagle’s Nest didn't have any, accidentally bought sugar-free, then came back to my dorm to find out I ran out of spoons. And all my friends are too hungover to go to TDR. Happy Sunday!
Rant here!
