Editor’s Note: After repeated requests to publish Eagle Rants each day, rather than seven days worth of Rants once a week, The Eagle will publish Rants once a day this week. This is a trial period and Rants will not necessarily continue as such after this week.
•Where are the Nov. 4 Eagle Rants?! Eagle, why do you lead me on? What time should I expect the daily Eagle Rants each day? [Editor’s note: Rants will be posted by 11:59 p.m. We cannot guarantee they will be posted any earlier. The suspense will make them only that much more exciting!]
•Does anyone else notice the supreme irony that the Pepsi Girl goes to an all-Coke school?
•That awkward moment when you realize the person you've become isn't the person you want to be.
•Well, I feel foolish.
•I demand a nap room for off-campus students attached to the library! These library couches aren't cutting it, and I don't have time to go home. -Sleepy with two essays due by Friday
•Oh nooooo, there are bronies here?! I thought I escaped from my brony friends' attempts to induct me into their cult back at home. It followed to me to college!
•Hey professor, How about instead of your boring lecture that puts the class to sleep, we just cut to the chase and have a group nap?
•Sometimes I wonder if I know whom certain eagle rants are about. When one sounds familiar, I'm like odam. :o
•To the girl who tried the dating website and found some dope who thought pad Thai was Japanese food … I love Chinese, Japanese and Thai food and happen to know the difference between them all, so date me! lol jk … or am I?
•I approve of people who press the automatic door open button thing. Similar to how I approve of people boarding the elevators for their commute to the 2nd/3rd floors. Its not wasting electricity — they run 24/, regardless. If you're going up, their stop is on the way anyway. Also, using the elevator in general is weak-willed. You 6th floor hussies are no better. What if it was a 20-story building, would it be any different? K. Done. Oh wait, one more thing. The door close button doesn't work. It’s a myth. Top mashing it like your potatoes. lol
•@"Uh, that “color blur” is WAMU’s actual logo." Wow. I stand corrected. That's still some pretty hardcore logo fail.
•You know what this campus needs? Speed dating. On the Quad. That will solve all of our problems, indefinitely. Hell, I'd speed date for friends.
•That wonderful feeling when you finally send an email that you've been meaning to write for weeks.
•Buh-bye midterms … OH CRAP, MY THESIS IS STILL WAITING FOR ME.
•"Lets give a toast for all the s#&*h#bags, let's give a toast for all the @#4sholes, let's give a toast to all the dirtbags, everyone of them I know … " Didn't know K-West was BFF with a certain program director!
•Tim McBride, stop having your friends post Eagle Rants about you! You're too good for that.
•Two very good reasons I should get a dog by finals: 1) I can take breaks from studying to play with it and make me feel better. 2) It will eat my neighbor's tiny, interminably yapping dog so that the latter no longer interrupts my studying.
•I got a little too excited in class today about finding my favorite pen that I thought was lost forever. Even the professor judged me. That's a nerdy academic pot calling the kettle black.
•I wish I went to Hogwarts because everyone graduates school at age 17 and enters the workforce on an even educational footing. None of this "get a master’s and end up working at McDonald's" crap.
•Why can't a sophomore hookup with a senior?! Gosh. We both love coffee.
•To the person who quoted My Chemical Romance: You are my hero and made my night.
•Why are people in my class so incompetent? The professor shouldn't have to wait a whole minute before someone answers her question, "So what did you think of this reading?"
•Walking to campus has gotten old. Can I have my bus route back? Pretty please?
•To the demon currently haunting the back stairwell of Roper: If we all end up dead, you're to blame. Also, please stop turning on our basement lights. It's pretty creepy.
•Will people stop ranting about Tim McBride? He's obviously mine.
•Dear AU, I am not OK with having the last exam day be Dec. 19. Do you have any idea how expensive airplane tickets are that close to Christmas? Sincerely, I already pay too much for this school
•THERE'S A GIRAFFE IN THE MICROWAVE!!!!! Call 2fix.
•To whom it may concern, 1. My cat is awesome. 2. End of List
•I think it's really mean that people are saying such rude things about the AU play. Ya, you may not like the play, but a lot of people worked really hard to put it together. And one person's version of art may not be the same as another person's. How about you just complain to your friends instead of publicly hurting the feelings of people who worked hard at something they enjoy?
•Did some SIS student in front of me really just say that she thinks learning Chinese is useless?
•Could the president of the Anderson Hall Council take his shirt off again? Every time I see him without a shirt I am proud to have taken a part in the democratic process.
•Eagle, You are my favorite newspaper ever for posting Rants every day. This is probably the best thing to happen to me since I discovered “Boy Meets World” episodes were on YouTube. [Editor’s note: We are so happy that you are so happy.]
•I love it when I come up with mastermind plans to outsmart those who have wronged me. I feel such a rush right now. Too bad I have to wait until tomorrow to enact my plan. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.
•What is this whole spirit place festival thing going on downtown? I can't seem to get if it's a Wiccan thing, a Christian thing, a hippie thing, an art thing, a dance thing or just a large cult.
•ARE YOU REALLY TRYING TO ADD YOURSELF TO OUR PRIVATE STUDENT LED FACEBOOK GROUP TOO? YOU STALK OUR LIVES ENOUGH ALREADY. THIS IS NEW LEVEL OF UNPROFESSIONALISM. WHERE DO WE FIND THESE PROFESSORS?!
•So I graduated from my small private high school three years ago, and I just found out today that my graduating class has had a Facebook group this whole time to keep in touch with one another. I was the only one not invited to the group. FML. Whatever though, I fit in much better with the other awesome nerdy people at AU. :)
•So I'm going to count today as a healthy eating day. Tomato sauce from the pizza counts as my vegetable. The strawberries in my ice cream count as my fruit. And the two boxes of cookies I ate count as my grain. Take THAT nutrition.
•I never knew it would be possible to love my school and my classes and my clubs so much, but yet be so incredibly lonely because the one person I love doesn't love me the same way.
•How does one become an Eagle Rants editor? What qualifications are required? What kind of secret rituals must you partake in?
•I am addicted to 36 different TV shows that I stay up until 6 a.m. watching on Hulu. I feel like it's my escape from all my stress. I mean I could have picked a worse addiction like crack cocaine or alcohol. But TV is taking over my life and I don't even own a TV. What do I do? I'm too embarrassed to go to the counseling center. Advice column please!
•My best friend keeps telling me about the dreams she having where her adoptive father is coming into her room at night to sexually abuse her. I am wondering if she is trying to tell me something in a hidden way, but I don't want to ask her our right because that would make it totally awkward when I go out with her and her family.
•Why do I feel like everyone else studies 100 times more than I do. #idontlikefeelinglazy
•Dear AU, Thank you for using the following criteria as a means to select program directors: incompetence, ability to stalk and, most importantly, the ability to have no soul. Love, A very happy student in a very well-run four-year program.
•Dear girl working at the ice cream place by my apartment: I admire you for staying all alone, in the cold and rain, in a sketcky area and when clearly no one but me is buying ice cream.
•Why do I have a constant feeling of anxiety? I feel like if I make one small slip, I will fall off the tightrope and plummet to my death. I mean don't get me wrong, I love all the opportunities. But seeing everyone else so successful makes me feel less successful.
•I take passive-aggressive ranting to a whole new level!
•Whenever I get annoyed by terrible AU advertising campaigns, I daydream about holding a sign by Ward Circle with "Honks, not Wonks" written on it.
•Really, professor? A midterm in November? How mid of term is that?
•CAN'T I JUST GRADUATE ALREADY?! (This is a general Rant, no offense to AU.)
•I miss the Daily Jolt. It was Eagle Rants before there were Eagle Rants. Personalities like CynicGiraffe, VanHolt, JoltPiddy, needmorechocolate and our favorite troll, Ajay Bruno. We need a new Daily Jolt.
•CREAMY YOU ROCK!!! I want to email you everyday, all day.
•I have been trying to find the link for ranting for over a week, and now that I FINALLY have, I just want to leave hundreds of Rants ranting that I couldn't rant before.
•The Eagle empowered my by responding to my email about the lack of a ranting box. Now I know for sure I can make a difference in the world! [Editor’s note: To infinity and beyond!]
•Why doesn't Eaglesecure work in McDonalds, even after I called OIT? Someone needs to start indiscriminately firing people.
•Take off your clothes. … Please?
•All of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again. And again.
•Donate to Colbert PAC. Now.
•Just watching as the number of students attending my anthropology class seems to be divided in half every time I go … why I am still here?
•To the Phi Mu lover — you obviously do not know the girls personally. They are so full of hatred. Their "nice girl" reputation is true because all of the other sorority girls are so much worse.
•gAyU drag show is an embarrassment to the GLBT movement. Being flamboyant to incite attention has caused many problems for the GLBT community from the general public. Let's not portray GLBT in such a stereotypical manner. While many of you believe that being as loud and proud as can be is helping, it has a series of undesired repercussions that teenage GLBT must face in high schools across the country.
•When I clicked on the article about math-rockers Battles, I was truly hoping it was a band about Math. :[ Fortunately, the band wasn't a disappointment. -Only person at AU that likes math
•We found an umbrella … but we decided that since it was abandoned for a couple of days we could care for it better. -The League of Injustice
•Way to post the criticisms of AU's Production of “The Who's Tommy” and NOT the compliments, Eagle. [Editor’s note: Sorry but the compliment was really long! If you write a shorter one (or lots of shorter ones), we’ll post those!]
•I am going to go broke from Panera's fuji apple chicken salad.
•I'm beginning to think that dorming with my friend was a bad idea.
•It's always really awkward when you go to take a poop, only to realize that the person in the stall next to you is also trying to poop, but neither of you can do anything because you both really have to poop, so you just sit there in silence, each waiting for the other to finish and leave.
•Sitting in the Tavern and just saw two people walk out of the closet adjusting clothing. Don't you people have a dorm room or something?!
•It's almost 5 p.m. on Nov. 4 and still no Nov. 4 Eagle Rants. HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME EAGLE?! HOW COULD YOU! [Editor’s note: Chill out. It’s not even 7 p.m.]
•I really want a baby.
•I'm so in love with him, but I have to keep ignoring him so that he realizes I am serious about this fight. Not saying anything when you know I expect something means you consent. You have to say NO or else it is leading me on.
•Dear professors who keep giving extensions on assignments, You are gods, please keep this up. Thanks.
•Dear large economics class: There's these great things called cough drops that could cure your 300 cases of loud, hacking coughs that seem to plague the room ONLY at the time of our tests. Use them, please.
•Sooo … Nov. 4 Eagle Rants … where are they?
•RE: Person who has only used 38 meal swipes, let's be friends.
• - Dear starving senior, I have only used 38 meal swipes, but are you worth being friends with? - well-fed freshman
Rant here!
