Editor’s Note: After repeated requests to publish Eagle Rants each day, rather than seven days worth of Rants once a week, The Eagle will publish Rants once a day this week. This is a trial period and Rants will not necessarily continue as such after this week.
• I've got an uncontrollable urge to throw tomatoes at AU's big screens every time they play the WONK TV ad. Fortunately, my student debt has made me so poor that I can't afford to buy tomatoes.
• Dear Anderson 3 North,
Glad you got rid of the printer that was sitting in the hallway,
Sincerely,
I tripped over that printer weekly.
• Dear whoever left a box of Girl Scout thin mints in the Perch. We ate them, and they were good.
-The League of Injustice
• "Rant Wonk. I wanna T-shirt that says that."
Can we please make that happen? That would be fantastic!!
(Also, I'd also just like a free wonk shirt. Is it bad that I have a little school pride?)
• @“Someone to whom art means more than just trying to be offensive"
I totally agree with you about AU production of Tommy. With the exception of a few scenes, I was a little disappointed … At least the band played well.
• My most visited website last month was Tim McBride's Facebook. :/
• Re: the front page of this week's Eagle — So glad to hear that color blur is celebrating their 50th anniversary! I get that you're trying to be avant-garde, but using letters in headlines is OK sometimes, guys.
[Editor’s Note: Uh, that “color blur” is WAMU’s actual logo.]
• For almost the 5th year in a row I have done nothing for Halloween. LAMMEEEEE.
• Person who has only used 38 meal swipes, let's be friends.
- Sincerely, Starving Senior
• Dear my entire floor,
I've noticed the honeymoon stage has ended and we're moving into a new stage: passive aggression. I have heard so many loud, public complaints about roommates and 6th floor's noise and other people's habits and it's getting out of hand. Let's just be honest. I know most people you complain about would be fine if you just talked to them.
- Frustrated Freshman
• Just came to terms with the fact that I'm a biddie.
• To the girl in my art history class,
You're dumb as a brick. PLEASE STOP SPEAKING. You have absolutely nothing to offer. Continue hiding behind your laptop, and shut up.
- Disgruntled Senior
• To the guy who killed the wasp on the shuttle: You are my hero.
• I miss the days when I used to use Eagle Rants to write secret messages to Charlie Szold …
• RE: Can alumni give donations to very specific causes? I don't want to make a donation unless it will be spent on power strips for the library.
Yes! Well, you can donate to the Library … but I will personally make sure that they use your donation for more power strips if you donate to me.
• Monster and Pepsi will one day ruin me … can't wait for that day.
• Seriously, bro? My nipple looks NOTHING like the 6th floor elevator button …
-Sober on a Tuesday Night
• The right guy/girl will be around some day people worried about it now, just relax.
• PANERA IN TENLEY, GET IT TOGETHER. NOW.
• Where are all the lipstick lesbians! You think they would be easy to find in the most populated gay college in the nation! If you are single and looking please reply. I'm cute and sassy and a big nerd let's talk Star Wars.
Sincerely, about to turn straight … oh, wait there is not enough straight men here for that …
• "I never thought I would meet a virgin outside of high school." Really?? Are you that ignorant and small-minded? Not everyone has the same experiences, including sexually. I can't even believe this was said.
-Disappointed
• Didn't wear a costume at all for Halloweekend … anyone with me? I wish it wasn't true but didn't wanna die in the cold + not having anywhere to go. Oh well, there's always next year, right?
• "Leonard is full of the most awkward people in history, and I'm sick of them." UGH, agreed! Is it because we all got screwed on the housing lottery last year? I don't understand the rude stares & endless silence.
• Macro. You suck.
• A note to whoever has the job of catching typos in The Eagle: please, for the love of god, resign.
• Dear warm and cuddly guy,
If you still waiting for us at the Quad, we have retreated into the lounge, it’s too cold outside. Find us on the second floor. Occasionally we dance on tables.
Sincerely, Lonely Ladies no longer on the Quad.
P.S. Hope to see you soon!
• To everyone that is posting their love Rants about me, just talk to me ;)
- me
• I can occasionally hear the bed creaking from the room above mine. I'm more annoyed that it reminds me I haven't gotten laid in a while than hearing the people upstairs doing it.
• In the most recent print edition of The Eagle the video game review was wrong — the game is Arkham City NOT Arkham Asylum.
[Editor’s note: We apologize for the error in the typo. The headline was wrong but the article has the right title.]
• Dear person complaining about non handicap people pushing the handicap button on doors, Actually opening a door that has a handicap button installed without pushing the handicap button makes the handicap button less likely to work. I will continue pushing the handicap button.
• I'm pretty sure I've become anorexic.
• It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. La la la la la …
• This is the 21st century. Technology allows us to open door with a push of a button. I will not waste that technology. Get over yourself dumb person who dislikes when people press the button. You don't NEED to take an elevator. You could walk to the 7th floor each day. Why don't you worry about real problems in the world other than door opening.
• Please don't ask me to be quiet when you chose to work in the group room, the ONLY place on the WHOLE silent floor that allows talking.
• Um the grocery delivery service is actually a very "green" service contrary to what last week's ranter said. Rather than 10 people driving their cars to the grocery and back, one delivery person can get everyone's groceries and then deliver them all in one trip. You are lacking in logic skills, my friend.
• Eagle: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for publishing Rants each day instead of each week. This has totally made my month.
[Editor’s note: You are very welcome.]
• I second the idea that The Eagle needs and advice column. I have been wanting that badly for years now. But it needs to be completely anonymous the same way Eagle Rants is anonymous. (Emailing a person does not count an anonymous because I don't want to use my real email, and I am too lazy to create a fake one.)
• At the person who said his/her cat was more interesting than AU students, AU students are the most engaged, fascinating, intellectual people you will ever meet. Hate to break it to you, but it's you who is uninteresting.
• My mother is stealing my trust fund money again. Why do I have to deal with this every single month? I wish I had a normal middle class family with a normal mother.
• Eagle, for publishing rants every day I now award you my unconditional love and affirmation.
• What does a certain four-year program at AU and Iran have in common? They are both run by crazed despots!
• So you know how they bring kittens and puppies to old people so they aren't miserable? My great idea: Kitten and puppy fairs on the Quad during finals week. You know it would be well attended.
• You like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini and croquet.
You can't swim, you can't dance and you don't know karate. Face it, your never gonna make it.
• I love AU. I was an Early Decision student. I'm getting all A's, but I probably can't come back next semester because my parents are having a hard enough time paying rent right now, let alone the bill for this semester. It breaks my heart.
• Cute guy wanted for completely platonic backrubs. Because my back hurts and I like cute guys. Will pay cash!
• I love kicking those freaking handicap buttons to open doors. Sometimes when you have an armful of books and laptops, it's the only way to get the door open. But mostly I just like kicking things.
• If more than one person in OIT wears a suit to work (and they do), then there are too many people talking and not enough doing!
• I sold my soul to Republicans to meet upstanding, rich, straight men I could bring home to mom. WHY AM I ONLY ATTRACTED TO DIRTY HIPSTERS?
• Dear Editor's-note person (that is what I shall call you now), you saved me from an anxiety attack. I am now looking forward to the week after Thanksgiving as I am abroad and don't get to experience the awkward Thanksgiving moments myself this year. Oh happy day!
Sincerely,
A now very happy abroad ranter
[Editor’s note: So glad I could help.]
• Where are the November 3rd Eagle Rants?! I thought we had a DEAL Eagle. You said you were going to post them every day? What did I do wrong to deserve this?!
[Editor’s note: Yo, dude, chill out. They’re right here.]
Rant here!
