Editor's Note: After repeated requests to publish Eagle Rants each day, rather than seven days worth of Rants once a week, The Eagle will publish Rants once a day this week. This is a trial period and Rants will not necessarily continue as such after this week.
•I like to think of each Rant as one course of an exquisite meal. I savor the misery, word by word, until the end of the page. And I never have my fill.
•Please publish Rants by posting them each day on the website instead of all at once on one day a week. Please learn from the psychology of pleasure, which says that the value of anything that makes a person happy decreases when there are many of those things present. Spreading out the Rants would result in greater happiness overall and each rant itself would have more value. [Editor’s Note: Your wish is my command.]
• Dear roommate Febreeze ain't gonna make the stank go away wash your janky clothes!!!! Sincerely, Pissed off Roommate :D
• Hi, I'm a ranter who (yes WHO, not that. You're in college now; learn your grammar) likes to Rant about unimportant things like how I don't like my roommate or how I miss my dog. I'm going to publish the same Rants every single week because I like adding to the monotony. And I know The Eagle will publish me because they like to publish a zillion Rants once a week and then make students sort through them to find the funny ones, which takes much longer than it used to. k bye. I'll be sure to Rant again next week about more useless stuff.
• Dear straight men at AU, I'm not looking for love, I just wanna have sex.
• Tim McBride is the hottest girl on campus!
•I hate Eagle Rants and everything they stand for, can't we all just get along?? -Governa
• Dear intelligent/creative person who likes to thrift/party people are out there. You have to find THEM.
• @"With all the rants on loneliness and virginity, it sounds like people could get a friends with benefits system going": This says more about the desperate weirdos putting personals out on Eagle Rants than it does about the student body as a whole. I never thought I would meet a virgin outside of high school. I miss the good old days, when Eagle Rants were devoted to the sleep-deprived children on the second floor of the library, putting of writing that 10-page research paper as long as possible by b****ing about obnoxious roommates and unfortunate run-ins with Tavern employees.
• Tim McBride makes a hotter girl when he is in drag, than most other women here at AU.
• All the get rid of the SG Rants are cute because people don't realize that the students would be even more screwed than they are now without it.
• Whoever said that #clublibs only pertains to the Mudbox has their facts WRONG. #clublibs applies to partying aka stu(dying) in ANY part of the library. Get it right!
• ANewAU is a joke. Less than 30 liberals at this socialist school attended your events. Quit wasting your time.
• After two and a half years at AU, gave up on the boys here and decided to try online dating. First guy I went out with thought my Pad Thai was "Japanese Food"; second guy it seemed like the date went reasonably well, but he stopped talking to me immediately afterwards and I had to text him to find out he "didn't feel a spark." Is it even worth trying at this point?
• Why are Microsoft Certification classes now only one credit? I'm just trying to coast by senior year and still keep my scholarship …
• "Dear people who kick the handicap door button. STOP IT! You’re breaking it and there are people who REALLY need it. I know that pushing a door gets in the way of you looking like a slime ball, but until being a douche bag is listed as a physical disability." 1. Those doors are damaged if you manually open them. 2. Not all disabilities are visible. 3. Stop holding down the shift key. 4. ???? 5. Profit.
• @"American, quit trying to make WONK happen, its not going to happen.?Sincerely,?Regina" Best rant ever. Period.
• Everyone drop what you're doing and make ramen and chili. I'm dying right now …
• Please, if you have any jobs on campus please stop pretending that you work so hard. Ohhh, I sit for 8 hours straight working on homework getting paid a wage that is probably $2 to $3 higher than the federal minimum wage. We all know college costs money, sack up.
• "American, quit trying to make WONK happen, its not going to happen.?Sincerely,?Regina" You are my new favorite person. Also, I agree.
• Dear Hughes 6, Please stop running around and dropping things every single day at 2 a.m. It's annoying.
• Dear Hughes 6: Shut up. We don't want to hear screaming, footraces, moving furniture, and whatever else goes on up there at all hours of the night. -STFU
• Everyone else is crazy. There are so many attractive guys at AU. Seriously.
• Dear former friend (?), We used to hang everyday and be super close, then you rejected me and now we never hang out. We can still be friends even if you have a new girlfriend. Sincerely, Not sure if we're still friends
• Mission: Improvable makes me sad. I want to put a blanket around the member with the beard and tell him that one day, if he really tries, he might be funny. Somebody will like you one day!
• Why do I periodically still see the "your" vs. "you're" grammatical error in some rants? We're in college now; KNOW the difference between the two.
• The Taco Tuesday line.
• #things that lasted longer than Kim Kardashian's wedding
• People I'm Facebook stalked by: my family (totally creepy that you guys mention what I do on a specific day that I didn't tell you about), my boyfriend's family (great to know you already don't like me by my Facebook) and future employers (will nothing remain sacred anymore?). And why is everything now interconnected by it? Soon we'll be voting for the next president on it.
• To the ranter complaining about sorority girls: As someone with a total crush on a sorority girl, I can say many of them are fairly easy to talk to … when they aren't doing sorority stuff. -Phi Mu lover
• @"An Eagle Abroad": That's the best part about going to American! Everyone thinks I'm trying to troll them when I'm really not …
• To the person calling AU's production of Tommy "art": The Who is awesome. In second grade, I brought in my Tommy CD for show-and-tell. Minus a bit of standout talent, AU's production was a poorly-done sick joke. - Someone to whom art means more than just trying to be offensive
• Forever alone, you are obviously not looking in the right places on campus. I haven't seen D&D this semester, but that was because the DMs couldn't find enough players to run a good campaign. And there are plenty of people who play 40k and World of Darkness, too. Just because you think we don't exist doesn't mean we're hiding from you. Please come find us. - The (ironically) LG Bard
• Are there no bronies on campus? I need to share my friendship with someone who will understand.
• I was horrified when I saw The Eagle's article about the Autism Speaks walk. Autism Speaks is the leading group in autism awareness and research, yes. But their primary goal is to develop a cure for autism, while the leading scientific research very strongly indicates that autism is genetic in origin. In short, the primary reason for Autism Speaks's existence is for eugenics research. Not only is the organization's agenda dehumanizing to autistics, the organization itself is a for-profit one, not a charity. Is it any wonder that the vast majority of members of the organization are not, in fact, autistic? - A Closeted Autistic
• Maddie Beard = Fashion Wonk
• We joined SPA Leadership thinking it was, well, SPA leadership … not SPA Dictatorship.
• Why cant ALL guys at AU be tall, athletic, and (somewhat) fluent French speakers? *le sigh* Is that asking to much in life?
• If ONLY I could be a fly on the wall during my neighbor’s late night retellings of that frat party where she hooked up with nameless boy … oh wait.
• Hey, look at the stupid freshmen standing out in the snow trying to get into a frat party in miniskirts and stripper costumes in 35-degree weather.
• Why doesn’t The Eagle have an Ask Alice type column? I volunteer to write it!
• The frozen yogurt at Megabytes sucks.
• And here I was thinking that none of my Rants ever got published, when I click a random link and TADAAA there they are. The 10/4 rants read like my own personal rant diary :0 #thesimplethingsinlife
• I've talked to about five people during my four-hour Phonathon shift. The adorable voice mails recorded by people's children make up for it though.
• That awkward moment when you can hear someone repeatedly vomit in the bathroom of the library's silent floor …
• You're 24 years old. Learn how to put together coherent sentences.
• @PracticalApplication … I'm not a freshman, though I am in SIS. And now you can spot me on campus with my brand new Desmond Hoodie …
• Tonight, I searched the television for Comedy Central. Disappointed that the station wasn't working, I flipped to the next channel, C-SPAN. I guess I shouldn't be so disappointed. After all, both stations' programming revolves around jokes, right?
• Do you like my roommate or me? I'm just really confused because you act like you really like me and we spend a lot of time together, but it seems like you are flirting with my friend/roommate. Basically, if you're trying to make me jealous, it's not working and your going to lose me. Ask me out! ¿Qué estás esperando?
• That awkward moment when you hook up with a guy while his roommate is asleep and then hook up with his roommate under the same conditions and neither of them know about the fact you hooked up with both of them.
• Stop the f*** asking me where my roommate is. I'm not her keeper. It's so annoying, find out yourself!
• Rant Wonk. I wanna T-shirt that says that.
• The awkward moment when your roommate likes the same guy as you.
• There's probably been a thousand Rants about this, but TDR food is not my cup of tea.
• As much as I love eating empanadas, milanesas, asado and dulce de leche everyday in Buenos Aires, I miss the mass produced, hit-or-miss comida from TDR and the obnoxious sound of the unnecessarily angry Tavern workers yelling 'TENNNDDEEERRRRRSSSS!!!' and getting pissed at me when I order a turkey burger 10 minutes before close on a Friday night. *sigh*
• I think, I'm in love.
• Disgruntled Dem, Dem's has brought the president of the national organization of women, Freedom Riders, Donna Ddwards and Planned Parenthood to campus. We are keeping up with CRs. -(Non-disgruntled) Dem
• I know people give me dirty looks when I press the button on the handicap doors but let me make two points: 1. They are really heavy, and I'm usually carrying something that requires both arms. Why not be polite and open the heavy doors for me instead of judging me for pressing a stupid button? 2. You can actually break some of the doors by opening them over time rather than just pressing the stupid button.
• To the guy from my Understanding Music class: I'm sorry for being an epic-fail at all-things romantic.
• There is a chalk message on South Side saying that people in Anderson and Letts are apathetic about Occupy D.C. This makes me feel very happy. Keep it up. Sincerely the 1% P.S. Are people in Centennial apathetic too?
• My cat is more interesting than most people I meet on campus … And she sleeps most of the time.
• The frosting/icing rant from like two months ago — “I could handle the cuddling. I could handle the sleepovers. But spreading ICING on each other just doesn’t fly with me. At least keep it classy and use Hershey’s syrup … #roommatedrama” — was about me and my bff that lives on the same floor as me, his roommate dropped college. #winnning
Rant here!
