[Editor's note: Starting tomorrow, Eagle Rants will no longer be edited for AP Style and grammar. That said, here are the Eagle Rants Rules. Rants in violation of the rules below will be automatically deleted.
For more information on The Eagle's terms & conditions, visit http://www.theeagleonline.com/more/terms/
•I think AU needs a line outside of MGC similar to the line to go to a frat party. Only the line will consist of people who don't have a meal plan and freshmen with too many swipes can pick out who they want to swipe in.
•Person defending "Tommy": Sorry this took so long, but I actually know all the lyrics to every song in Tommy. I am the girl who brought in her Tommy CD for show-and-tell in the second grade. My room at home is covered in posters of Pete Townshend, Keith Moon and Roger Daltrey (there aren't many posters of John Entwhistle available...). AU's production was in bad taste, and was also just plain BAD.
•I'm so tired of this semester but I don't want to be a second semester senior yet.
•Dear stepmother: you are not my mother. I have one, and she is alive and well, and doing a fantastic job. Just because you've been with my dad since I was two, doesn't mean you get to continue hating on me CONSTANTLY. I'm tired of being endlessly nice to you, just to have you make me feel worthless.
•@Michael Angelo painted the debt ceiling: It's Michaelangelo; know your ninja turtles :p
•Fat chicks complaining about fit ones in the gym has to be the most ironic Rant yet
•Hot girls with nose piercings actually get like 3x hotter
•YESSSS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PUT A WAWA WHERE THE MCDONALDS IS! (or possibly a Saladworks?) South Jersey girl
•Love all of these Book of Mormon rants. And the JRB debate. ("I could be in love with someone like you" is the best song ever. Just sayin'.)
•Neighbors: PLEASE STOP SLAMMING YOUR DOORS. ESPECIALLY AT THREE IN THE MORNING. MY BED IS NEXT TO THE DOOR; I CAN FEEL THE WALL SHAKE.
•I have a napping problem and I need to acknowledge it. We need a napper's anonymous on campus. The problem is, I probably would't show up. It would take up too much of my valuable naptime.
•Dear Hostage, Thank you for letting me take you hostage and then tickle you the other night...it made my night fun
•if there's anything better than a warm TDR sugar cookie, I haven't discovered it yet.
•I love you, you're a reminder to me that there are good and genuine people in the world. Don't ever change.
•I wish I were Asian, so I could smoke outside of the library and feel accepted.
•I will no longer play second fiddle to your bio class. If anything, your study of the natural world should have taught you how to love a woman. But I guess not. We're over!
•If you ban bottle water, than company's like dasani lose profit, than they fire workers, than unemployment goes up. Congrats!
•When you can't concentrate on the s**t you gotta get done because you exchanged digits with a really hot guy and you keep on staring at your cellphone in hope that he will txt you any second now... any second now... FML
•"Sax man, you may be among the creepiest students at AU. First you started hitting on everybody, and now you’re trying to get attention by blasting music while we’re trying to work. Please leave us alone!" Say that to my face. Go on, find me and say that to my face. I dare you. I double dare you mother f***er. Say that to my face just one goddamn time.
•Has anybody else noticed that in the men's room on the second floor of the library, when you use one of the sinks another randomly turns on? It freaks me out!
•@ “She’s an idiot because she acts as if nothing can be done! step 1, pick up phone. step 2, call lawyer. step 3, get money back. o look even someone without a trust fund can do it” No lawyer will take on the issue because IT ISN’T ILLEGAL for my mother to put money in joint accounts with my name on them and make it so only she can take out money from said account. If it were illegal, don’t you think the bank would give me my money back? Use your brain a little please.
•Thank-you for your request, I will have to arrange a time with my co-conspirators but don't worry, the whole campus will hear "Get Low" -LA Loudspeaker Bandits
•I think everybody on medication for mental stuff should know that the nurse practitioner in SHC is much more helpful than anyone else on campus. On a related note, why do they make it so hard to get accommodations through the ASC? Please make the documentation rules less anal, because it'd be awesome if I could get time-and-a-half on tests. That is all.
•Dear Upperclassmen, On behalf of the freshman class, I apologize sincerely for the things we do that people complain about. Yes, we're loud, yes, we're obnoxious, but we're new at this and hopefully won't suck as much the second time around. Regards, Nameless, Faceless Freshman
•REDWAAAAALLLLL
•are the eagle rant editors that busy that they can no longer edit the rants? id happily do this task for you. [Editor’s note: We’re no longer editing for grammar, stle, etc. Y’all can do that yourselves.]
•apparently I am a racist to vegetarians...for liking wingos way too much...can AU have meetings to help me with this apparent problem
•HELLO, MY NAME IS ELDER GREEN, I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU THIS BOOK OF JESUS CHRIST. (Ding, dong!)
•Hey preppy guy always wearing the orangish red jacket......you are always in tdr when I am, and everywhere else I go.....you are totally cute, talk to me!
•After three months at AU, I've discovered I'm super attracted to Jewish boys. Can I have a nice Jewish boy to date?
•Dear person next door, Stop singing horrifically off key. I do not care to hear your renditions of 70's music. I wish for peace and quiet in my own room while I type this essay. It's bad enough my space bar is stuck. Signed, Your pissed off neighbor
•Thank you name tags for saving me the embarrassment of not knowing that cute front desk receptionist's name.
•Phonathoners: If you want coverage, that's okay just don't send me ten emails a day saying you're too sick to work, and then show up at the Basketball game while the shift your "too sick" for is happening. I don't want your spam in my email.
•If I have to download safe connect 1 more time I'm going to kick a kitten! You have been warned OIT!
•To the two SOC girls in a Tuesday evening politics and media class who sit together and giggle- we can ALL hear you. You mock other students for making legitimate comments and then practically try to go down on the professor with all the sucking up you do (when you're not on your blackberry with your feet on the desk, blondie). We all talk about how you think insisting the professor is your BFF will get you a good grade. Just shut the frak up, thanks.
•AU needs to stop whoring out Katzen. There are, you know, STUDENTS who need it and don't appreciate being yelled at for the horrible crime of existing in the hallways.
•There are no hipsters at AU. There are people who want to be hipsters.
•Dear Asian Girl with Yale Hoodie in the library, Leave.
•leadership program has reached a new level of disgrace- kicking out students who are a voice for others and using that action as a scare tactic to the rest of us. Why am I even in a program like this? completely distasteful.
•Who would have known the SPA leadership program could reach a whole new low by dismissing the ONE student who was not afraid to speak up for the rest of us.
•thank you, SPA leadership program for finally proving to us that having a voice and being an advocate of change will result in the loss of one of our finest students.
•Guy confused at girls bad texting habits: Maybe it's just phone problems :) or she is bad at texting... if there's potential in person try to communicate in person more.
•The internet speed has been absolute garbage for the past few days. I feel like I'm dealing with dial-up even when I use an ethernet cable. 2 minute youtube videos in 360p should not take 3 minutes to buffer.
•this will be my first and last SPA leadership eagle rant...disgusted for the actions of a director in a valuable student's release because of reasons not good enough in my eyes.
•Why are you soo terrible AU Registration?? Now that you won't let me register, all my classes might get filled up :(
•That awkward moment when you realize you really do have to spell everything out for guys.
•I haven't reached the point about posting about myself on LAL to make me feel better. Yet.
•Hey why don't you guys talk to Rangos in real life?
•When is the relationship advice column coming back? I really need it. PLEASEEEEEE!!
•Pretty sure my life is about to get really messed up.
•What re the early signs of painkiller addiction? If I take them a few times a month is that addiction? Obviously a few times a day would be addiction? But what about a few times a week?
•Why does my boyfriend refuse to make any plans until THE VERY LAST MINUTE every single time we need to plan something. I hate being the annoying nagger who has to keep pestering him. WHY CAN'T HE JUST DO WHAT I SAY FROM THE BEGINNING! Grrrr
•I feel like my girlfriend is hiding me from her family. She always has some lame excuse for why we can't visit them and why it isn't a good time for me to meet them. I've concluded that they are either nudists or devil worshiping wiccans.
•I wish the cheerleaders would take those damn bows out of their hair! It makes them look like Japanese anime characters, not to mention stupid.
•I can't handle a phone relationship anymore. I'm sorry. I need physical contact. It's not just about sex. And it's not just about cuddling. I need to look into your eyes. I need to see your smile. I need to smell your skin. If all we ever do is talk on the phone, then every time we fight, the whole fight is 100 times worse because I can't make up with you by holding your hand in your sleep.
•#trustfundissues
•I didn't know it was possible to love you so much.
•Dear girl with the idea to put a camera in the gym and post it online so people can know when the gym is crowded: Put that idea in the suggestion box at the gym. I put a suggestion in the box every few days for a year and they finally took my suggestion of keeping the gym open later than 10:30. You have a good idea. Fight the fight.
•AU WHY U NO LET ME REGISTER?
•What other school websites have rants? And is there a rant contest to see which school has the coolest rants? If not, can we start one?
•The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. ~George Bernard Shaw
•Re: Work at 5 am I have work at 6 am, but regularly have to wake up at 5 to get ready. My motto happens to be work hard play harder, not complain complain whine whine.
•@People complaining about college radio being "indie" It seems like you've never heard of a college radio station before in your life. If you don't like music outside of Top 40/classic rock can I suggest every other radio station in the world?
•Four all-nighters in a row and I still can't get all my homework done in time. I oughta just drop out before I end up killing myself.
•SPA Leadership is such a cult. You're led by a director who tells you everything you have to do. It sucks up all your time in life the longer you're in it. And the people in the program don't question it nearly as much as they should. Get out while you can, little Spleaders.
•@We the Kings fan - is it also possible that you are now a follower of CTFxC? if not, find them on youtube! - fellow WTK fan (because of charles and alli)
•@crush in TDR, You will see me again. This is a small campus after all.
•When Nick Rangos becomes King of American, I'll be his Anne Boleyn ;) [Editor’s note: You’ll get beheaded after a three-year marriage?]
•Dear Milwaukeean Ranter, You absolutely made my day. I'm a fellow Milwaukeean and talk about Kopps to my friends all the time and none of them understand how it actually is THAT good.
•The people I respect least in this world are the people who refer to WVAU as "hipster music"
•They shut down half the quad for a WONK ad? How much can they cheapen our school? I don't see other so called "top universities" with ads that look like the only place they deserve to be is the back of a generic cereal box. [Editor’s note: It was filming for the AU holiday card, not a WONK ad.]
•The student health center is ridiculous. I go there looking for some medical advice beyond WebMD, and I am told that the next available slot is five hours later. Here's the best part, the waiting room was EMPTY!
•I wish Alex Rudolph would allow more Lenny Kravitz to be played on WVAU.
•I don't *get* WVAU, I mean, we all have iTunes right? Who needs an annoying voice every few minutes?
•so you asked for my number, now use it!
•@"Fat Girl At The Gym:" some of us 100lb girls are working out because we're serious athletes who need to stay in top shape for races. Or we just want some muscles...
Rant here!
