[Editor's note: Starting tomorrow, Eagle Rants will no longer be edited for AP Style and grammar. That said, here are the Eagle Rants Rules. Rants in violation of the rules below will be automatically deleted.
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•Michael Angelo painted the debt ceiling thats why that shit was so expensive
•as if my abroad semester hasn't seen enough unfortunate circumstances, i was apparently bitten by bed bugs last week. lets just hope they stayed at the sketch hostel and not in my suitcase.
•Is it bad the two things that I miss the most from home are my bathtub and my cats?
•When I say I want to listen to youtube, I do not want to go to the america.edu site. I thought that was implied when I typed in youtube. Why can't eaglesecure figure this out?
•Obnoxious boy in my class, do you really not really realize how rude it is to continuously interrupt the professor? You talk so much and argue with her all the time in an extremely rude way. I can't tell if you don't realize how rude, pretentious, and obnoxious you come across as to everyone else in the class, or if you are just one of those people that really likes to argue with professors NONSTOP and irritate the entire class.
•Starting midnight this Sunday, I am not leaving my sword/bottle of bourbon until Hyrule is saved yet again. The real world can wait.
•Other Milwaukeean: I don't even need it to be Kopp's, I just want some frozen custard and fried cheese. Although Kopp's would be great...
•Why do all the good guys have girlfriends??? She's not here and I am. break up already. pleaseee.
•Sorry, I was too nervous to introduce myself today. Maybe tomorrow. :S
•If someone bans bottled water, I'm going to rally against AU. #OccupyAU
•You feel asleep, but you're still pretty hot. I still kinda want to do you, but I don't want to make that much of an effort...
•Person playing music in the LA quad at 11 pm, Some of us have to work at 5 am. How would you like us to wake you up at 5 am?
•I think AU smells wonderful most of the time
•Dear Comm Major-hater, Good luck getting anyone to read your ideas Latin American Development without us.
•LOL @ B1A4 fan who's picky about engrish lyrics >.> I did mean "jjoom jjoom my hot like a locket." it was just a typo ;). BILASA CONQUERER OF THE UNIVERSE! DEVOURER OF TEENAGE GIRLS' HEARTS! ^^
•I do what I want!
•I used to think that these Eagle Rants about the SPA Leadership Program were completely unjustified and offensive. Now I completely understand why my fellow SPALeaders are writing them.
•I left the SPA Leadership Program for a reason...
•Um to the person complaining that the stolen trust fund victim get a lawyer: How is she supposed to pay for a lawyer when all of her money has been taken? Just sayin..
•Obviously some people didn't read my rant correctly. I can't hire a lawyer to stop my mom from funneling my trust fund money into joint accounts that I don't know about and don't have access to because IT ISN'T ILLEGAL. Unregulated financial system to blame. And narcissistic mother.
•@"Dear Trust Fund Baby: At least your parents aren’t borrowing your money, long-term, to buy basic items. You certainly didn’t have to buy your own birthday gift and wait a month for your dad to get his next paycheck and pay you back. Just saying." Um actually it's probably better to have your parents borrow money long term than steal it forever. Just sayin.
•Does Charlie still consult for Eagle Rants or has he passed the torch completely? [Editor’s note: If we have questions, sometimes we consult him. Generally, though, he’s passed the torch.]
•Dear boyfriend, If you don't visit me for Christmas break, I am going to visit a guy friend who you know has a crush on me. Just because you're in law school doesn't mean you can't spare a few weeks A YEAR to PUT ME FIRST. I work hard at this long distance relationship. You need to work hard at it too.
•SKYRIM
•Bros at gym: Get out of my way. Thank you.
•Honestly, why won't AU update the "AU By the Numbers" portion of the website homepage to more impressive statistics? How about #1 in internships, #1 most politically active students (cite 2010 PR), SIS and SPA program stats, Career Center stats, etc? We have some impressive numbers, let's show them off to those prospies and other site visitors.
•Why don't people want to live on campus? I'm not old enough to have a backyard. Next thing I know, I'll be driving a minivan too. NOOooo
•Boys: I like hanging out with you in your/my room but I also like hanging out in public. Like the perch or the mudbox or the dav or the quad or the roof or the metro or the natl mall. until then, no sex.
•Is this guy seriously drunk in the library? It's Tuesday, and it's not even 5pm...... #lifechoices
•There should be a gym cam so I can see how crowded it is before I go
•I hate having to take wild guesses as to when the gym will be packed with freshman, and people who don't what they're doing. Is there any way to avoid walking into this sea of ignorance?
•It doesn't matter how skinny you get, nothing is ever going to fix that busted face of yours
•Teddy McCullough post on your blog already! Your posts are almost better than Eagle Rants and its been an ENTIRE MONTH!
•A certain Philosophy professor needs to stop holding his class 5 minutes late every class. I HAVE STUFF TO DO. I'm so sad I took this class to fulfill a Political Science requirement...
•@ Um she’s an idiot because she’s the victim of embezzlement? Or just because she has more money that you? Jealous much?-No she's an idiot because she acts as if nothing can be done! step 1, pick up phone. step 2, call lawyer. step 3, get money back. o look even someone without a trust fund can do it
•Why can I copy my passport but AU's transcript has to say VOID all over it when I try to scan it to my employer? THEY ONLY ACCEPT TRANSCRIPTS ONLINE YOU IDIOTS. I'm so glad my AU transcript is more criminally protected than my US government issued PASSPORT.
•when one night stands are just that.....one night :(
•Dear girl giving me the stink eye for coughing and making too much noise in Ward, This is why I'm not sitting on the silent floor of the library. Back off or sit somewhere else. -non contagious girl with pneumonia.
•Jerry, I just don't know sometimes...
•Why didn't you publish rants on the print edition? I like the daily rants, but I also like the best-of-the-best print rants too! [Editor’s note: We ran out of room this week with all the print stories, columns, crosswords and ads. Print Rants will be back next week for sure!]
•@The day I legitimately need medical attention the health center is completely booked. Great. I once called because I needed to see a doctor right away and they told me they had no openings. I went in and Voilà! They had an 11:30 opening. You should keep harassing them.
•If a girl is bad at texting, or doesn't text me back, does that mean she's not interested? Because when we talk face-to-face, it seems like there's potential, but when I text her, she hardly ever responds. Either way, I'm confused..
•@LookingForVeganRestaurants Try Soul Veg and Everlasting Life on Georgia Ave, Vegetable Garden at White Flint, and of course, sticky fingers.
•@Dear, Centennial Occupants, You’re proud to be the 1 percent? But you’re not, your parents are and there’s nowhere to go but down for them. Quit being pretentious, or my foot will occupy your butt. That doesn't make sense...
•The trash can woman wears nicer clothes than the look of this week? Guys, really? Does someone even look at vogue before writing this stuff?
•To the person saying to end the Rangos Rants: Not a chance. WE love Rangos. It's not just one person, it's a way of life. Rangos =
•Drake's new album was disappointing :(
•The Tenley Gang is so hot and cool! I wish i could be a member!
•Today I saw someone actually stop and smell the flowers.
•Dear "Get a real major. Sincerely, 20 page term paper regarding Latin American Development past 1960s" Get a real major.
•@ Whoever gave the warning about the beautiful (half) Asian in the London hat: thank you for the heads up fellow ranter. I guess there had to to be something bad to balance out his unearthly looks.
•To the person who ranted about Communications Majors-- I may be a Public Communications major but I also double major in Political Science. I've also had 4 internships and am an active member of the Honors Program. Don't generalize about other SOC majors and stop being hateful. Thanks :)
•i miss you. please come back into my life? we had such amazing conversations and i felt like i could really open up to you until you ended things last year. feel like giving it another go?
•@"Turn it out! Like a lightswitch!" If you cannot quote BoM correctly, you cannot be the Elder Cunningham to my Elder Price. Sorry.
•IT HAS SO MANY AWESOME PARTS. YOU SIMPLY WON'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH THIS BOOK CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
•SAVE COMMUNITY!
•@"Banna…. A tasty fruit. Also, a delicious pudding." Please learn to spell something as simple as the word 'banana.' So I understand this is college and we live in close quarters with lots of people, but don't we still deserve some semblance of privacy and personal space?
•Dear kids of AU, Learn to throw a football. Please. Love, Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady
•RT @GIVE ME LONG RANTS OR GIVE ME DEATH
•You know what? You can look to me funny all you want but I AM going to use the machines at the gym and I will put them at 10 lbs. REPS>WEIGHT -TinyWorkoutWonk
•That awkward moment when your hookup's floor starts betting on when you'll make it official....
•Why are Rants now shorter than Tweets? [Editor’s note: Rants have a 100-word limit. That’s longer than tweets.]
•Long, quality rants are better than short, nonsense rants.
•Why did the Letts residents stop making Chewbacca noises? Please start doing that again.
•@the girl who hates the Rangos Rants- How do you not love those? If he doesn't mind them, why should you? I think they're really funny! Keep it up Rangos Ranters!!!
•To the lonely guy from Nov 15 Rants: we would prefer a guy who can spell "lonely" and "you" correctly.
•that lydia girl is super cool
•I wish I could date two people at once. F you morals.
•What is it about sticking your wet hair on the wall of the showers that some girls find so appealing?
•So the bible is a trilogy, and the Book of Mormon is Return of the Jedi? I'm interested
•Dear other JRB ranter: It's perfectly ok. And yes "I Could be in Love With Someone Like You" is 10x better than "Shiksa Goddess"
•@"Turn it out! Like a light switch": if you're gong to quote the majesty that is "The Book of Mormon," at least have the decency to quote it correctly.
•@The person ranting about all the hipster music on WVAU: I heartily concur. I have a show with them and have to bring in all my own music because I like mainstream music. TOO MUCH INDIE.
•@Kopp's person: Now I also miss Kopp's. Will be making a trip there over winter break. Want to meet up? -Love, fellow Wisconsinite (not from Milwaukee, though)
•Did you change your mind about me or something? Stop being such a freak. Just shut up and make out with me.
•I just ate the mealiest plum of my life. 1:16 am, whuddup
•I have been somewhat addicted to We The Kings since the concert during Welcome Week. Yes, I'm aware they're trite and juvenile. No, I don't care. #Noregrets
•I wish people wouldn't smoke directly under my window. It's my room, I shouldn't have to smell you.
•Does anyone else notice that the majority of guys here seem to be abnormally short...
•I wish you could have come, but it doesn't always work out that way. This is not some simple equation of x + y = z ; it's so much more complex than that and if you think about it, you know that it's true and in the end you're glad.
•Dear AU, It's pretty obvious that you hate your students because of the fact that you keep the dorm at a million degrees while it is 70 degrees outside. Thanks for the even less sleep I've now been getting
•I'm tired of rants being used as a dating site, this is not a way for people to meet people, it is a way for frustrated people to take out their anger from other people.
•Why are there so few Lit classes offered for spring semester? I registered on Monday, and already classes were filling up, including two that I need for my major. The other classes conflicted with each other, so I was forced to take two classes totally unrelated to my major. So much for my plan of graduating in three years...
•I don't know my roommate's boyfriend's name. It's passed the time where I can ask, so he continues to be "the guy who stays over and who makes it difficult for me to change for bed"
•You finally introduced yourself to me today. It made my day. You are super cute. Thank you. :)
•Rock on North Side sax man. Don't listen to the haters.
•Hi, we've talked like twenty times, and we see each other everywhere. Unfortunately, I don't know your last name, so I can't find you on facebook. So sad.
•LA Quad speaker people, my request is "Get Low." =] When will you be playing it? I want to make sure I am in my room to hear it when you do!
•Dear amazingly attractive guy I saw at TDR yesterday, Why can't I actually know you?! Sincerely, Now I'll probably never see you again.
•I am so sick of people who develop these random crushes on people whom they hardly talk to, and then when they're informed about the fact that their objects of affection isn't interested, they say they're giving up yet continue to pursue the never-gonna-happen relationship. PLEASE stop being so annoying, and just move on with your pathetic life. Thanks.
•Someone said Tim McBride's name and it made me smile.
•HAR HAR I HAVE A NOSE PIERCING, I'M SO HARDCORE!!!!
•Ban Bottled Water!
•Dear Executive Committees of Sororities, That is all you are. An executive Committee. Of a Sorority. In college. Get over yourself.
•I hate being the only fat girl at the gym. There must be others who want to get healthy? Also, it's really annoying to have these 100 lbs girls hogging the ellipticals when I actually need it.
•Sax man, you may be among the creepiest students at AU. First you started hitting on everybody, and now you're trying to get attention by blasting music while we're trying to work. Please leave us alone!
•This rant fully supports and advocates illegal activities. [Editor’s note: Funny.]
•Dear Eagle Secure: Next time you force me to change my password to one that I haven't used "in the last 8 password changes," please have the courtesy to remember that I changed it instead of locking me out of my internet. K Thanks
•I despise non-honors room caps of 17 for a class. Hello waitlist, I hope I don't have to stay with you for long.
Rant here!
