[Editor's note: Starting tomorrow, Eagle Rants will no longer be edited for AP Style and grammar. That said, here are the Eagle Rants Rules. Rants in violation of the rules below will be automatically deleted.
•NO profanity •NO spam, promotions, pyramid schemes or other unsolicited material •NO invasion of privacy and no harassment •NO hateful, defamatory, obscene or threatening Rants •NO advocating illegal activity •NO Rants over 100 characters
For more information on The Eagle's terms & conditions, visit http://www.theeagleonline.com/more/terms/
•Dear single straight guy that agrees with me about who can make the first move: (Rant started Nov. 12) Thanks, that gives me confidence and reassurance. I'm nervous about going up to my friend and telling him how I feel,but I know that he is probably just as scared as I am. Someone has to make the first move and get it out there. If nothing happens the way I want, he should at least still be my close friend if I had enough confidence to go up to him.
•Barf. Got a salad from the Nest and it actually tastes like butt.
•That awkward moment when you walk into the Dav, on Halloween, with a sign that says "I am not a Dav addict\ and the manager gives you a free drink. Thank you, for making my addiction more … addictive. Also, all you single, straight, male hottie hipstas that smiled at me as I wore that sign, I'm always in the Dav … soooo shawtay hit me up.
•I have to say, best playlist yet at Phonathon. Thank you.
•I don't think people understand. Being a gay woman is so much worse than being a straight woman.
•Unfortunately it's really awkward now because the girl I like knows I like her, and I'm not sure what to do about it. #whiteboyproblems
•To those who complain daily about the lack of decent straight men on campus: When you stop being so ugly, we'll come out of our hiding places. Thanks.
•And yet again, he won't see my Rant from Nov. 12 or craigslist's "missed connections" post … :( I was so hoping for a reply.
•Heard a noise coming from a bush and it wasn't a squirrel, it was an enormous rat … What the heck.
•Sociology is a lot of things — convoluted, a "soft science,” qualitative, context-driven, difficult to grasp — but it\'s no scam. I\d judge you for writing that, but you probably can't help it; most likely, it's just the way you've been conditioned to think.
•There are so many seriously good-looking women in the library. Now, if I can only get one of them to talk to me … wait, that’s’ not allowed on the second floor -GeekyandFreaky
•Is brunch even a real thing?
•Her voice was soft and cool.
•@Why is it that half of our campus smells like the inside of a sewage pipe? I take a few steps and suddenly get a whiff of what I’m sure was someone’s last bowel movement. — We live in D.C. D.C. is a swamp. What else do you expect?
•Dear person complaining about the bathroom door being open when you want to take a dump: Do you not know how to close a door? Because I'm pretty sure the cleaning people are capable of re-opening the door when they need to leave. I close the door upon entering the bathroom whenever I see it open. It's not that hard.
•Gotta love that awkward moment when you explain to the barista at Starbucks that yes, you DID say a "quadruple espresso."
•Dear beautiful Asian guy in the London hat, I see you on weekends and randomly in TDR. You are the most attractive human being I have ever laid eyes on. Who are you and when can I get to know you? -LETTS be friends.
•“Great Books” class, you will be the death of me. -kill me now
•Females at AU: Please bring your used feminine products to Senator Battaglia's trashcan. Maybe then he'll understand. #AnUnderstandingMale
•Dear Eagle Editors, I was very upset to realize you only talked about the Army ROTC in your article. Air Force ROTC has a large presence on campus as well, and we can't even partake in PT on campus. Why were we left out of the article? [Editor’s note: We didn’t intentionally leave anyone out; we didn't realize there were two separate, distinct groups.Our apologies if you felt intentionally not included.]
•That awkward moment, when while brushing your teeth in the girl's bathroom, you hear someone having violent diarrhea in the men's bathroom. Life in the Letto.
•This strange girl is sitting next to me on my bed ... she just took her shoes off. ...
•Is it really that hard to chew like a normal human being and not like a camel that has not eaten for days?
•I know everyone says it, but this campus sucks for dating. Can a girl get a date with a (single) guy who isn't constantly fidgeting with his phone?
•Love the overweight people who live on the second or third floors of Anderson taking the elevator. I think I know why you're overweight ...
•You know, I don't really like Deon Jones, but MAN OH MAN did he give an amazing performance at Open Mic Night. He should do it more often!
•My boyfriend talks to ugly girls on Facebook more than he talks to me. I thought we were in love?
•Christmas Music: Coming to a Residence Hall Near You!
•To the girl sitting across the table from me: Where did you get that Blow Pop, and how can I get one?
•PLEASE PUT THE DAMN "RANT HERE" BOX ON EVERY PAGE OF THE RANTS SO I DON'T HAVE TO GO BACK TO NOV. 6 ALL THE TIME OR WHATEVER. [Editor’s note: We're posting Rants every day. It's a bit chaotic. Please be patient and respectful.]
•Dear Person whose mother robbed her: Maybe you should get a lawyer, and sue her. Who cares if it is your mother.
•Why won't you talk to me sober? Sorry if I'm not cool enough for you, I didn't realize we're still in high school.
•My boyfriend's mother talks to me way more than my family does and she bakes me food. Definitely joining that family.
•Oh yeah, we're getting it on with laptops and books all over my bed. -Just because there is a guy alone in my room with me does not mean we are having sex! Assumptions.
•It’s easier to run away from your problems, than it is to wake up next to them in the morning. ... That’s part of being a man
•Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth." Such wise words from Kahlil Gibran, how I wish teenagers would follow their meaning.
•I still can't stand the myau website. It's nigh impossible to navigate and it also didn't tell me that I had a stop on my account to prevent me from registering. Yet another job well done by AU's IT team.
•I was responsible and stayed in Friday night to get a head start on homework. Too bad the professor just decided the week's homework was optional.
•The foliage was GORGEOUS today. I'll be walking to class every day this week, scuff-scuff through the leaves.
•Life is an educational experience. Lately I've been meeting a lot of people who can't handle the learning curve. Oh well, it'll just be a tighter competition for the Darwin Awards this year.
•Dear AU, I understand that colleges aren't supposed to provide us with luxury amenities, but when we're paying $54,000, I think that the least you could do is provide us with working wireless Internet (since we are a wireless campus) and fewer mice in our rooms. Sincerely, My parents want me to transfer
•This weekend I came to the unfortunate realization that I sound like a biddy when I'm drunk. Reason enough to climb back on the wagon!
•I'm smart, I'm ok looking, I would love to finally date another AU student before I graduate, is that too much to ask?
•The on campus Internet is really slow when a lot of people are using it and it makes my streaming porn really choppy.
•
•That awkward, itchy moment when you realize that not only has a chocolate chip fallen into your bra, it fell quite a while ago and has since melted. Also, the semi-repentant moment that follows when you realize this is probably karma for taking the last chocolate chip cookie.
•Oh my beautiful target — you zoom zoom my heart like a rocket!
•I love how there are Rants everyday. I start every morning off with tea and other people's angst. Makes me sad to graduate.
•@ Well Irish redhead, I could be in love with someone like you Once again on behalf of the redheads here, I'm flattered.
•You me and the DJ dancin' till the break of dawn no no never gonna stop now turn it up lets party on~
•"I think I'm ugly and nobody wants to love me. Just like her I wanna be pretty. I wanna be pretty. Don't lie to my face cuz I know I'm ugly\".
•Someone explain to me why the bathrooms/showers are consistently filthy and not properly cleaned everyday. I could probably hire a better cleaning staff on my own. Not okay.
•Dear JRB lover. I'm so glad that you enjoyed my "I Could be in Love With Someone Like You" Rants. However the song was actually cut from “The Last Five Years” as JRB's first wife sued him because it was evidently what happened their first date (yeah JRB is kind of a BAMF/D*ck)
•You, good sir or madam, no nothing about the SCHWEDY BEAR. You haven't looked into its terrifying eyes as it raises its paws to attack. You wouldn't last a second in the presence of the SCHWEDY BEAR!!!
•Dear DPA Diva hater ... you have no idea what you have started
•Why are the spinny chairs in the library so uncomfortable? I have the worst butt cramp and I don't even have a butt.
•You tell me you love me, but I'm not sure if you really do.
•I think my roommate just died in the middle of writing her paper.
•@"I'm so glad I live in Roper." ME TOO. Totes Ropes for life. I love this dorm.
•Quit bragging about being in the 1 percent. It’s beyond obnoxious.
•HELLO, MY NAME IS ELDER PRICE, AND I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU THIS MOST AMAZING BOOK.
•If I can't take my coffee break, something within me dies.
•To: $40 million trust-fund kid, no one cares! Rather than ranting on an AU website call a lawyer! That is, if your whole "my mom and dad are embezzling from me and there's nothing I can do to stop it, woe me!" Rant is even legit. You're an idiot, that is all. -I don't care
•Dear 8:55 classes, I hope you understand if I'm a little late/absent this week. Skyrim happened. -Thanks
•Hypothesis: fewer Rants on days when there's no Rant box.
•I can't really tell what you're thinking. But yes, I do think you're really cute. Yes, I am waiting for you to make a move. Stop effing around and makeout with me. Thanks.
•Tip for certain individuals at the gym: Step 1: Buy deodorant Step 2: Apply generously under each arm Step 3: Eliminate stank
Rant here!
