•That awkward moment when you realize everyone outside the room heard you having sex.
•I probably think more with a penis than you do. I'm a girl.
•As a straight, single, guy I couldn't agree more. After my track record, I'm not making the first move.
•Two shuttles pull into the Tenleytown stop at the same time. All I have to say is, really?
•I want Panera to take EagleBuck$.
•"I want you to respect me by not tickling my butt and calling me a slut" – My boyfriend.
•Who are you, random guy I see all over campus? Also, you bought like eight orange juices this morning at Mega Bites so now I'm just going to call you orange juice man in my head.
•Due to the cold weather, I've been taking the campus shuttle more and, in doing so, noticed Wilson High School got a light board sign that vomits so many Technicolored transition and text effects, you can't even read what it says. Is this where my D.C. tax dollars are going?
•I'm pro choice and crastinating.
•You talk the talk, but can you wonk the wonk?
•Hey, if regular AU has The Eagle as its student newspaper, does this mean the law school has The Legal?
•I would love for the law school to be moved to Tenley. Then I wouldn't have to deal with the law students in their fancy suits judging my unkempt undergraduate appearance when I ride their shuttle.
•I'm loving all the Jason Robert Brown Rants recently. “Last Five Years” lover, you have won my respect.
•Get your emotional garbage out of my newsfeed.
•Dear Eagle Rants people: Can we please work on putting bullet points only at the BEGINNING of Rants and NOT IN THE MIDDLE of rants. I get very disappointed when my Rants are interrupted by random bullet points and then no longer make sense to readers. [Editor’s note: Our auto-format option on our CMS makes it difficult to tell what’s the end of a Rant and what’s a paragraph. Tip: Keep your Rants to one paragraph.]
•@"Someone should create a Facebook group for single AU students who don’t want to be single. I’d do it, but I’m to afraid of the inevitable shame ... Anyone have the guts?" OMG There would be no shame. Thousands of students would love you forever!!!! Please do it!!!
•Correction for last week's ranter: It most certainly IS Christmas season. When the toy Santas go up in stories, Christmas season has begun.
•All right, I had a rough night. I'm pretty normal on most occasions, especially when sober. You can stop staring at me with a confused look on your face.
•You know the banking system is insanely unregulated when the bank accepts checks written in MY name that were not signed by me, never seen by me and not deposited by me. My mother has been putting them into accounts that she set up in my name that I never knew about. HOW THE F IS THIS LEGAL?! I really wish I were a finance major right now.
•OK bank, let me get this straight: You accept a check made out to my name but not signed by me and not deposited by me. Then after I finally get it traced and find the right bank and the account number, you tell me I am not authorized to withdraw money from this account and my mother set it up so that anyone can put money into the account, but only she can take money out of the account. OMFG you have got to be kidding me. #abouttopunchsomebody
•Was Eagle Rants a completely original idea from AU students or was it modeled after something another college was doing? [Editor’s Note: Charlie Szold is the founder, and we’re not sure. He’s pretty unique.]
•So after finally figuring out a way to circumvent my mother's stealing from my trust fund, I find out that my dad has also been stealing from my trust fund. Why does this happen to me all of the time? Why, God, why?
•I really wish my law school had Rants. So much to Rant about. AU students, you don't know how good you have it.
•Have a Holly Jolly Christmas. And in case you didn't hear. Oh by golly, have a holly jolly Christmas this year.
•I still don't really understand what being Jewish is all about …
•Yes, PLEASE bring back the sex advice column. I'm scared to have sex because I don't know if I will do it right.
•Dear Women's Initiative, Can you please address the most pressing issue facing women today? The medicalization of birth. Please watch the documentary “Business of Being Born.” Women are being treated as incapable of taking care of their bodies and of giving birth without countless interventions. Why do feminists at AU ignore issues of birth and mothering? Do AU feminists hate babies?
•Is it just me, or does 'wonk' sound a bit like dubstep? "WOOOOONKWONKWONKWONKWONKWONK"
•Dear girl who was going to go on a Ramen noodle and water diet to avoid being the "fat American." I can tell that you are an American because your idea of a healthy diet consists of ridiculously unhealthy noodles with no nutritional value whatsoever.
•Why is it that half of our campus smells like the inside of a sewage pipe? I take a few steps and suddenly get a whiff of what I'm sure was someone's last bowel movement.
•President Rangos, why are you not here this weekend? If you needed a break, you should have called me! I'll help you relax …
•Rangos come back! Any kind of fool could see. I was wrong, and I just can't live without you :(
•FU Einstein's Bagels. I'm trying to write this damn paper for tomorrow morning and all I can hear is your offensively noisy fridge. SAVE THE WORLD, TURN IT OFF.
•MAD CRAZY SWAG!!!!!
•Tell the DJ turn it up up UP and dance dance dance a little moooaarrr~
•No, my friend, it is YOU who cannot handle the SCHWEDY BEAR!!!!!
•Dear Rangos ranter, I've been emailing him your every Rant (and the random LikeALittle post), so you can be sure he reads them. Don't get discouraged!
•@The person who ranted a few days ago, saying THEY HAD A LONELY GUY FRIEND AND LONELY GIRL FRIEND WHO THEY WANTED TO MATCH UP.... I feel like I know whom you're talking about. Describe the guy please. Thanks. :)
•Dear DPA divas, STOP IT. Please shut up once in a while and realize that there are people outside of Katzen who like to do shows as well. And here's a crazy thought, they're just as deserving. Don't get me wrong, not everyone in the department is a diva. But not everyone treats the new kids like they don't exist either. Just because I don't have a theater class in my schedule doesn't mean I'm less talented. Could just be I don't want to see you on a regular basis. Thanks for understanding!
•You don't know me, and what I have done is none of your business. Get a life and an eyebrow wax.
•Sociology is a scam.
•Dear those who clean the restrooms, I really appreciate what you do, but must you always decide to leave the door open when I need to take a dump? Sincerely, This Is Awkward
•Two days before the Revelations being. Can you handle The Truth?
•I hate it when there's one word at the end of a paragraph that takes up an entire line on the page all by itself.
Rant here!
