• I'm James Wigley, and I'm a senior in CAS. This has gotten a bit out of hand. I appreciate the love, but what is up with this? Also, ranter who apparently hates me and Vonnegut slant-quotes, yet still uses "So it goes," you are a moron. Go Packers.
[Editor’s note: And so the mystery of who is James Wigley is solved.]
• WANTED: Lots and lots of Eagle Rants to read at phonathon. So bored its not even funny.
[Editor’s note: We have almost 300 Rants for you this week!]
• Why are Eagle Rants so much more interesting than the seven-page paper I have due tomorrow!
• Some people give Texas a bad name. Please ignore them.
• The "New AU Campaign" reeks of douche. It's incredibly sensationalist, and it reeks of pretentious college freshman.
• I don't have an internship. I feel inadequate.
• to "not feelin' the love,”
• Without boring you with the ways of Phonathon, we call 2011 grads later in the year under the assumption you will not give us more money four months after walking outta here.
Look out for our call in the near future!!
- Phonathoner
• WHY YOU NO WORSHIP THE SANCTITY OF THE LIBRARY!
• To the people holding the party in the corner of the third floor of the library, um … IT'S A LIBRARY, no one wants to hear your conversations!!!
• To those who haven't noticed:
When your portal password expires, you can change it to the same old password again …
Security Fail.
• @The idiot in the Eagle Rant who said that paying money to help rehabilitate deteriorating schools,
You apparently have never gone to an inner city school. If you have, you would realize that these deteriorated schools aren't held back by 'public monopoly' of education, they're held back by having computers with Windows 98 on them, limited access to educational products, dated textbooks and out of date libraries because schools are forced to spend money on stopping the ceiling panes from falling on kids and keeping the asbestos under control. Get off your 'evil union' high horse and go take a look at a these inner-city depression holes.
Signed,
Someone who's actually attended a 'union run' school
• Dear person who keeps breaking elevators in McDowell,
Keep on doing it. Having to use the swipers to get upstairs is stupid and useless. At some point AU will realize this and take the whole thing down. And people who are hating on this vigilante: protesters write history, but thieves make it. This guy will tell McDowell Hall to end this stupid and redundant security measure.
Thanks,
McDowell hall resident is doesn't mind dolling out money in the name of justice.
• What do bunnies do?
• What's the most inefficient thing here at AU … the PACKAGE SYSTEM!
• Dear Boys Above Us,
On the one hand, you aren't having sex with the soprano anymore, so thank you. On the other hand, you've taken up drumming. This would be an improvement, except that your practice sessions last longer than you ever did.
I urge you to consider Katzen. They have excellent facilities that are not located anywhere near my bedroom.
• Today I was reprimanded by a TDR worker for using the water dispenser to fill up my water bottle because it was "unsanitary." What's the difference between refilling my water bottle and refilling a TDR glass that I've already used? I thought AU promoted reusing things! I guess I'll use the water fountain upstairs to refill my bottle.
• The Tragedy of the Library-Commons occurs when somebody from my class (for the second time this semester!) checks out a book from the library that we ALL need to read, instead of simply copying the chapter. This prevents the rest of the class from also copying the chapter, allowing everybody to share. Instead, only one selfish jerk has access to the book. LEARN HOW TO SHARE!
• What is this “AU threesome" I read about in many past Rants?
From,
Rant Addicted Freshman
• Are there no lesbians on this campus??? Am I alone here???
• I do not understand why guys tell girls they better swallow "it" and not spit "it" out. It isn't like "it" is something that is super special and cannot be reproduced again in approximately 10 minutes.
• My high school years put my years here at AU to shame.
• Can someone buy Tim McBride some new clothes? He seems to wear the same Ralph Lauren shirt in every video he makes.
• I WANT MY SNAPPLE AND I WANT IT NOW!
• I saw a hummingbird in front of the eagle statue next to bender! Makes up for the awkward encounters with spaztaztic squirrels and ninja rats.
• To the WVAU DJ who said "Screw you, ATV. You suck" at 1 a.m. in the morning: At least you're not being forced to watch ATV the way I'm forced to listen to your loudspeaker in the hallway blasting at max volume all night long. Way to score points for intra-office civility, man.
• Am I the only person/male who believes in abstinence for non-religious reasons?
Also, can SG/RHA/anyone have a dating fair? I need alternative ways of finding that long term, committed relationship. I’ve been looking for.
— A strange heterosexual male junior
• Those editor's notes are funny.
[Editor’s note: You just made my day.]
• Anybody seen the dude wearing a skirt around campus? Like, not a kilt but a real skirt? What a weirdo.
• At everyone who jumped on the au shuttle stalker:
You mad?
Signed,
Troll
• It's hard to be humble when you Wiggle in the jungle. Miss you!
• Shout out to O.B.C.T., Max The Creator, KRS-Two and Nico. The only true freestyle flow on campus comes from these four.
• I thought I saw some deer on Mass Ave, but it was just James Wigley.
• L,
I've already spent one semester trying to figure out what your sexual orientation is. I don't want to creep you out, but I think your personality is amazing (from the one conversation we've had) on top of the fact that you're gorgeous. Hopefully this gets us somewhere. Stay awesome!
• Wanted: a nice, cute boy. We’ll spend our fall afternoons studying and cuddling together. We can drink tea and hot chocolate together, listen to classical music, have meaningful conversations and go to jazz clubs on weekends.
I'm a jazz musician. I have to jump at this offer. :)
Lonely on North side
• Hey. AU Gamers. I would love to join you guys. But … There was a situation last year where I felt betrayed by some people in your group and the anime club (which apparently has the same people in it). I have to resist the urge to hit your previous (and possibly current) president. So don't expect me to be coming by any more.
• To the guy in my Understanding Media class who has black-rimmed glasses and resembles Clark Kent. Please talk to me, I would like to introduce myself to you.
• Our library sucks. I will transfer to UNC-Chapel Hill for just this reason.
• Dear professor,
I am trying to seduce you. Embrace it.
[Editor’s note: Ooo, scandalous! (And potentially illegal.)]
• No smoking within 25 feet of MGC means no smoking within 25 feet of MGC. I'm sick of holding my breath and making a mad dash down the steps because a few selfish jerks decided to light up the second they get out of TDR.
• Dear Seeking Good-Looking Guy,
Don't be so quick to dismiss us — we exist! Too bad the attractive females are all sorority chicks who wouldn't know a nice, attractive guy if he came up and asked her on a date. Oh well, there's always grad school …
• I miss my bump and grind TDR music in a big way.
• I think I'm depressed. Nothing makes me happy anymore and I have no willpower to get out of bed in the mornings. I'm just going through the motions of life. Eagle Rants therapy time?
• Dear Texas, points for state pride. AU Texans need a beer and fajitas night. — Spurs Fan
• Psst … My Safe Space sticker goes for just about everything, not just GLBT.
- RA by proxy
• I am Texan and I am proud. I do not ride my horse to school, although I do work on a ranch, I do not lasso cows, I herd them in pickups. And y'all is a word and I'd appreciate it if every time I said it you didn't get your britches wrinkled. (In other words, be understanding of my culture.)
Sincerely,
- Texas should be it's own country
• Dear, Letts girl that spilled ALL of her soap in the bathroom and didn't clean it up,
I slipped and fell completely down after stepping on said soap and I have a terrible bruise and now my towel is dirty and it was really embarrassing.
Clean up after yourself!
-SERIOUSLY
• Why do Northface jackets attract hair?
[Editor’s note: I was wondering the same thing just the other day … ]
• I'm starting to think I picked the wrong school. AU has zero community spirit/involvement and it’s sad … Your student government is a patchwork of bylaws tied together by candidates who could care less about the actual students. Sports, well they're non-existent. Greek life, I'm pretty sure AU would deny they even exist if they could. The only thing keeping me here are the internships and D.C. …
Regretfully,
Possible transfer out …
• I love how the only time I use the University Library is when I need a book for College Writing. And I also love how the only times I go there, the books I need are always checked out. Improve your resources there UL, it's seriously getting annoying.
• Hey single straight ladies. I cook. I clean. And I'm straight. Want to watch one of my favorite movies, The Notebook?
[Editor’s note: This sounds like a trick … ]
• Soooooo cooooollllllddddd …
-Freezing Freshman
• Poor junior with no meal plan looking for freshman with huge meal plan. Will trade swipes for friendship and lunch companionship.
• I saw Conor Shapiro swimming at the pool and gotta say … yum :)
• Some of you guys are ridiculous. AU is a Coca Cola school. Last year they got into some trouble for having things other than Coca Cola products, so they had to remove everything not Coca Cola.
• My neighbor is awful!
• I’ll find peace at the bottom of a real tall cold drink.
• Haha …
hahahahahahaha
hehehe
hichichic
wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I wannnnna go homeee and seee my doggggieee
• One of Anderson 6 North side showerheads has been broken since Welcome Week. It could almost be forgiven if the water that came out of it wasn't freezing cold. :(
• Hook 'em!
• I miss cantalope.
• But I don't wanna die.
• Catch#22?
• Who eats half an Oreo?
• So I decorated my door with really pretty Halloween decorations but it doesn't matter because I live on Letts 2nd floor south … the black hole of American. It literally is like space, it's soundless.
• I miss my car
• Everything that can be answered with a “that's what she said.” Unless it's something that she actually said, then you're in trouble ‘cause you actually have to think.
• No one likes the Grinch!
• I really, really have problems with my neighbor. She records my conversations. That is not normal.
• Where are the Republicans on this campus?
Just curious, I feel like I'm gonna get shot for saying this.
• I would like to thank you editors! I feel like you have my back. I was down and out and ranting, and you were there to take down all my angry Rants. Thank you for that!
[Editor’s note: We always got yo’ back.]
• I hate the line for Firewok.
I want it soo bad but I just can't wait in line that long. I hate it.
• The craziest 2nd floor Letts South gets is a balloon condom. Really? I expected so much more …
• So at what point can I get my own editorial column in The Eagle if, like, all of my Rants get published in the paper?
[Editor’s note: It is The Eagle’s policy to generally require 100,000 Rants have been published in the paper during the Ranter’s tenure at AU. We also require Social Security numbers, IP addresses and a $50 deposit. Please mail all applications to MGC 252.]
• Most Annoying Thing About Dorm Life:
A. People are dirty
B. People are mean
C. The bathroom situation
D. The stairwell door won't close
• Who was almost thrown out of a club for jumping the coat check counter? I was.
• Scary Movies are scarier here.
• Every night when my roommate goes to the restroom at like 3 or 4 a.m. she opens the door and the hallway light shines in my face. Every night I say "That's Prickly" in a British accent.
• AlcoholEdu just let me know how much more I need to be drinking …
• I go down to the UPS store and I'm like. "I need to ship this, how much will it cost?"
And she's like "$28" and I'm like "I go to college" and she's like "most of our customers do."
And I paid it cause I had to send my mom a birthday present, right?
But really I just wanna say that is ridiculous. Like when people put puppies on advertisements. It's just not fair.
• I hate when people don't agree with me about my favorite Disney movie
• What can I do to make more people talk to me? I seem to be unapproachable and I don't know why.
• I ate a whole pizza this weekend.
• I can't swing dance anymore because one freakin’ guy ruined it for me.
• Do we even have cheerleaders? Is this really a college?
• How many people actually eat the food from Cucina Verde? Second question: How many people know what the food is from Cucina Verde?
• Justin Bieber's new album coming out in two weeks. Get psyched!
• (As we're playing Connect Four)
-How many do you need to win?
-Well, the game is called Connect Four …
• Why do we have to fight about the Dav and the Tav? Sometimes I call it the Tav, sometimes the Tavern. The Dav is kinda stuck though because Davenport is just long to say. Like refrigerator, no one wants to go through that effort. No need to get angry.
• What is wrong with the weather here? It's like a freakin Katy Perry song. I was not ready for that.
• Will anyone start a Disney appreciation club with me?
• I keep hitting my elbow on the doorknobs here, I'm wondering if there\'s a way to fix this.
• Dear "I really want to join Chi Alpha, but I don’t know jack-mc-diddly-squat about Jesus,” You should totally come to Chi Alpha! It doesn't matter if you know anything about Jesus. We're all learning! It's a great and totally supportive environment. Hope to see you there!
• I think there is a ghost on the 2nd floor. I think that it's trying to communicate with me.
• I'm sick of Lonely on South side and Lonely on North side getting all the attention. Like they're the only ones with no friends …
• Why do I ALWAYS miss the flashmobs! It's like I'm cursed!!!
[Editor’s note: This sounds like an episode of “Modern Family.”]
• Dear senior guy that is still a virgin,
The Friend Zone is a bitch …
-Not a Virgin
• BIG BOY
• Rant to myself: DON'T WONK THIS UP.
• I SAW THE CUTEST STRAIGHT GUY EVER TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (But he was macking on another girl … It's OK though because at least I know they exist.)
-BoyfriendNEEDED
• Instead of posting a million rants once a week and distracting me from all my classes that day, how about The Eagle releases like 20 Rants a day? That way we can get our little dose of happiness each day, but not waste hours on end because we have been starving for rants the past 6 days.
[Editor’s note: Honey, if we posted 20 Rants a day, that wouldn’t even come close to publishing half of the weekly Rants.]
• I didn't bring my teddy bear to college because I thought my roommate would think it wasn't manly. My roommate brought his teddy bear. I miss mine. :(
• As a girl that loves football lineman, I showed a considerable lack of foresight when choosing American. The only thing that would make American better is a decent football team.
P.S. If there are any former linemen out there that happen to not be jerks, I want to meet you!
- Football chick on North side
• Who F***ing cares about an Oxford Comma?!?!?!?!??!?
[Editor’s note: I do! I do!]
• Don't wear hats inside. It's rude.
• (*snooty English accent)
"You would love my grandmother's basement! Hardy Hardy Har!"
-Thanks kid from my English class
• Dear male, senior virgin,
Can I have your number?
Sincerely,
Female, junior, I’ll-pretend-to-be-a-virgin-for-you.
• I LOVE VITAMIN WATER. THANK YOU, AU.
• Why in the HELL does every nice, funny, smart and cute girl at AU have a boyfriend at another school? Seriously, every single time, without avail, I strike up a great conversation with a beautiful woman and it ends the same way. I'm not about hookups, I want a RELATIONSHIP, but all I find at AU is hookups and non-single ladies. @BizMarkieWasRight, #JustAFriend
-Frustrated Male South sider
• RE: "Wanted: a nice, cute boy."
I LOVE CLASSICAL. And tea. We should mate. I mean, date! Socially.
- A potential South side suitor
• The McDowell study lounge is for studying, as evidenced by the name. Thus, multiple phone conversations, loud music, constant conversation and incessant giggling should be kept to a minimum. Please.
• Today I realized that AU girls dress exponentially nicer than their male counterparts … and then I felt the need for a shopping trip.
• Dear Clark,
Thank you for letting me wash my clothes. I'll bake you brownies.
Love,
A Roperite
• What is it about college that makes you hungry at 2 a.m.? D:
• I love reading all of the personal ads on here. It makes me feel a little less lonely.
• There is an overpopulation of gingers on campus.
• In the beginning, greek life was created. This had made a lot of sensible people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
• Anderson 5th floor. Biddies much?
• Today is the third day this week I've burned my mouth with Easy Mac. In short, I'm a failure as a human being.
• You listen to Neutral Milk Hotel? Ugh. You're so effing mainstream. I listen to "Hipstery Hip Hipster.”
• They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!
• I would like to extend props to my RA for taking my roommate's and my complaint seriously about our third roommate not abiding by our Roommate Agreement. I would then like to detract said props because she did not enforce the rule of credit carding of the bottom when too many musical theater songs were sung.
• Whyyyyy does it smell like soup?
• True Life: I Think in Eagle Rants.
• Dear Leonard,
Thank you for always dressing according to the temperature/expected precipitation for the day.
Sincerely,
A McDowell Stalker Who Never Has to Check the Weather Forecast.
• WHERE'S THE BEEF?! WHERE'S THE BEEF?! WHERE'S THE BEEF?!
• Are there any drummers on this campus interested in starting a band for fun? Seriously, everyone plays guitar or bass but no drums.
• If you say something like that again, I'm gonna cut off your balls, learn to juggle and join the circus.
• That Phonathon survey is hilarious. No wonking way I'm filling it out.
• Been saying some seriously stupid stuff this week. Maybe I need to force myself to stop and think before I say anything. Or maybe I should just stop drinking.
• The time tastes bland when you're not around.
• To the N8 ranter: I've spent many a night lamenting the loss of my precious N8. HOW DARE THE WMATA GODS TAKE AWAY WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE.
• Last year I noticed this, and wondered if anyone else noticed this. That mayflower is next to the dry cleaners, which is below a nail place? All I know is that someone is a smart fortune cookie on a path of great success … in bed.
• I spent an hour at 1 a.m. trying to make an appointment with the health center. I failed. And now I can't sleep. At least there are the Eagle Rants to read …
• "As I was casually strolling through the Quad earlier today, I stumbled upon a group of hipsters enjoying their daily smoke."
Daily smoke? I smoke every half hour.
• There is a theory that states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what Student Government is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
• God damn, I am glad I transferred. Reading the Rants just reminds me of why I left. However, I'm still reading.
Tip of the cap to you, Eagle.
• Newsflash: I think you're ridiculously interesting and don't want it to be a one time hook-up. Oh, and I don't want a relationship either. This is a win-win situation most girls wouldn't give you, so you better take it.
• Why does no one use LikeALittle anymore? COME ON PEOPLE. LAL.COM NOW.
• Please bring back Police Blotter! I blacked out over the weekend and would like to know what happened.
[Editor’s note: We knew the blotter served a higher purpose! If only Public Safety would see it that way … ]
• There are too many Rants these days. Don't get me wrong, I love my Eagle Rants, but I don't think it would hurt to be a bit more selective.
[Editor’s note: Next time, I’ll leave yours out.]
• Dear Passed by You Again Last Night,
I smile at you ‘cause I think you're gorgeous. What sport do you play?
Love,
Sat Next to You on the Shuttle on Purpose
• Dear freshman who wants to transfer,
Same goes for Leo 7 or for me at least.
Love,
Hang in There
• If Conor Shapiro wastes any more space in The Eagle, I will be forced to throw my shoes at him.
• I've realized that I'm in love with my best friend. This is awkward.
• Dear floor,
I'm sorry that I sounded like I was having an orgasm in the shower … It was just really cold outside and the water was really hot! I promise!
• Hopeful Sidekick,
You'll find me in the dark of night, just before the dawn. You'll find me where the oppressed and the marginalized wander in solitude, hopeless with despair. You'll find me wherever injustice is allowed to propagate, unchecked by the common virtues of charity, mercy, forbearance and benevolence. Keep your eyes towards the horizon of the rising sun and you may have a passing glimpse of me and, what’s more, a glimpse of justice.
-AU Masked Vigilante
[Editor’s note: About time you responded to sidekick’s notes!]
• Letts Front Desk, you need to come up with some legitimate package hours, or at least stop telling us to pick up our packages at our "earliest convenience" if it will never be convenient for YOU when we come. Some of us are busy and have to walk all the way over from Roper or Clark, and have to plan package pickup into our schedule. It's a big letdown to skip lunch because you're expecting to get homemade food in your package, and then not get your package!
• To the AU Dems,
When you give people "front row seats to Janet Napolitano" please be sure to actually have front row seats for them and not fourth row. And make sure you communicate to your members what it actually entails so I don't go in with the understanding I will be meeting her. What a waste of my morning.
- Annoyed Dem
• Hey Eagle, I know we are only club sports, how about spare some e-ink and at least post our scores.
[Editor’s note: Is there a place where we can find your scores?]
• Dear roommate,
I'm sure Paris doesn't smell like your disgusting perfume. It is more eau de TOILET than eau de toilette.
• The given time of arrival is the one moment of time at which it is impossible that any AU shuttle will arrive.
• Dear Eaglesecure,
No, I don't want to be sent to AU's website when I specifically type in "Facebook" in the search bar. Please stop redirecting me!
Sincerely,
Annoyed student
• To the student currently at AU who turned down "GW, UCLA, UW, WashU, NYU and UI for AU." … you're crazy.
Sincerely,
Common sense
• EI EI UH OHHHHHHH
• A certain AU club sports team gave an e-board position to a student who made false claims about another student running for the same position. The e-board acknowledges that the claim made was the reason the other student did not get the position. I hope that we can all look at this and see how childish and shameful this behavior is.
• I want to get laid for Christmas.
• Stranger Danger!
• "I want to meet @fakeneil_kerwin"
• COSIGN
• Sadly Steve Jobs has died. He was possibly the greatest CEO in the last decade. I am not a huge Apple fan, but I give credit where credit is due.
• I can't wait for the new season of “30 Rock” … Why must I have to wait so long?!
• I like how TDR charges us $2,400 per semester to give me food poisoning and then continuing it! Down with TDR!!! But I like the omelets :)
• Why must I see rats every night when I'm walking back to my dorm?
• Dear Eagle Editor,
And if you had read my rant, you would have noticed that my complaint was in regard to the cover image and headlines in relation to the play "Dead Man Walking" and the Troy Davis execution, not about the article. The Eagle's cover made a clear attempt to connect the play to the Davis execution and the imagery and language contained therein clearly slanted against the death penalty. Including a dedication to Troy Davis on the cover of The Eagle was totally unnecessary and inconsistent with journalistic integrity. While the Troy Davis execution may have been the biggest nationwide story that week, the play was surely not the most important thing happening on the campus of American University that week. The Eagle should get back to covering campus news.
Sincerely,
Pissed Wonk
[Editor’s note: Half of the article talks about an AU professor’s work with Troy Davis. She helped bring the play to AU. Hence, the connection.]
• AU needs a place for all the lonely people to meet up! A mixer that's NOT sponsored by some club or on campus … cause then I wouldn't go. Catch-22?
[Editor’s note: Nope. Still not a Catch-22.]
• Dear Cute Exchange Student,
We were talking for several minutes at that party and you didn't ask for my number … wtf?! You obviously haven't realized that nobody ever sees anybody again at this school … But seriously, I wish I would bump into you again somewhere.
-Regretting Leaving
• Dear warm and cuddly men,
Plea to the masses of the 5 percent. We're looking for a friend to chat, hug and cuddled with occasionally. Awkward people need not apply. We'll be waiting for you on Tuesdays.
Sincerely, lonely ladies on the Quad
• Dear girl-talkin-bad-about my peoples-in-front-of-me,
• Hughes 5th floor parties harder and better, and yet remains classier than you will ever be. Stop trying, you biddie.
Much love,
Floor 5
• Can we create some clubs that aren't about helping everyone but instead just about hobbies? Maybe just some informal get-together on music/movie/fashion interests? I love my friends, but they aren't interested in the same things as me.
-Wants Desperately to Thrift
• Im not sure if I'm a boobs wonk or a butt wonk …
• My RA needs to stop trying to be Asian. He's dating an Asian girl, just got back from a year in Asia and speaks an Asian language non-stop. YOU'RE AWKWARD AND WHITE; STOP IT!
• Eagle Rants + LikeALittle make me feel less lonely! Thank you for the anonymous output when I feel like I can't talk to anyone :)
• I hate how rigid the seating arrangements are after the first couple of classes! I wanna constantly switch things up so I can talk to more people in the class but don't want dirty looks for stealing someone's imaginary assigned seat.
• WHY is this floor quiet all the time? I moved from South side to get to know people on my floor, not feel isolated again! We need some serious floor bonding.
#leofail
• I hate to break it to you "lonely" people but you're never going to meet anyone if you never leave your dorm room.
• Can someone organize an AU group to go to NYC for fall break to participate in Occupy Wall Street?
• Who's paying for all those "New AU" campaign fliers all over campus? I hope it's kosher to rip them down, since whoever does it is about $15 in the hole because of me so far this semester.
• Someone please tell me what business casual is. I have no idea. #freshmanproblems
• Where's Scoops (aka Kevin)? Ice cream on my waffles just isn't the same without you.
• SCREW EAGLESECURE! I want to be able to go on websites without being redirected to american.edu. SCREW AU.
• The fish in the Student Health Center made my viral infection slightly okay.
• StatCrunch ruins and makes my life. Its a love/hate relationship.
• You're complaining that they’re out of TDR boxes? The used to not even have TDR boxes!
• The "New AU Campaign" is seriously getting out of hand. It comes across as incredibly whiney, which is completely counterproductive. If you want to student voices to be taken seriously, don't act like a *****y middle school student. And seriously, stop wasting so much paper. Everything on campus is plastered in your posters.
• All of federal government is off Monday — as are all public schools. So why AU has classes is beyond me … It’s an insult to all of those Native Americans who died fighting off Columbus …
[Editor’s note: Last time I checked, Columbus Day celebrates Columbus’s arrival in the Americas, not the Native Americans.]
• Dear "PEOPLE ARE WHOs NOT THATs": Thank you! This is my pet peeve. It's not that hard. Really now.
• There was a mechanical bull in the Quad for like a minute. And then it was gone. How am supposed to grab life by the horns now?
• How Letts 2nd floor does it: Every girl showering participated in the joint shower singing of “The Climb,” "You belong with me" and obviously some Justin Bieber and Disney songs.
• Come to Letts 2nd floor south: Our only form of hall bonding is singing together in the shower! (Caveat to that we are NOT in the same shower, but separate showers singing.)
• The gosh darn beer goggle people wanted me to sit through a lecture to use the beer goggles! I don't drink, hence why I need the beer goggles to experience it.
• Can we please kidnap Georgetown Universty’s mascot? Or steal a colonial from GW? Just stream of consciousness here.
• Recommendation for future activities: hide and go seek on the Quad. Or anywhere, I just love hide and go seek.
• My roommate is a music major...HELP
• iSad. :(
• Why does everyone think I look like Justin Bieber?
• What's up with the mechanical bull? It's up, it's down. WTF?
• If one more person asks me for directions …
• I have the worse luck with men, want proof? I go to American.
• Can someone please tell me what fedora hats are all about?
• Let's get some Halloween spirit around here. Where's the orange? The pumpkins, the scarecrows?
• This just in: A contest among Halls to see who can produce the scariest haunted house.
• Can we please do ropes courses on the Quad?
• Wanted: suggestions about what to do when your neighbor records your conversations.
Sincerely,
-Violated
• I got three packages to pick up today, and it was very hard to hold them all. Thankfully no one in the Letts community let me inconvenience them as they let me struggle with every single door. Whatever happened to courtesy?
• It's like Christmas every time a package comes for me!
• My life priorities seem to have shifted.
• Disney Land should make a college. Or be a college.
• Where are the all British guys? Please find me, I live in Letts.
• He's a watchful protector; a silent guardian. The AU Masked Vigilante may not be the hero we need right now, but he's the hero we deserve.
• Bring Snapple back to the Eagle's Nest!!
• The eight Wigley rants in a row made my cry with laughter! … but who is this James Wigley, and why is he so magical?
[Editor’s note: See above.]
• Kevin Kunitake is cooler than he lets on.
[Editor’s note: Agreed.]
• Dear Radio God,
Please date me.
• Phonathon strike until we get cookies? I think so.
• Dear AU Public Safety: Thanks for stealing my bike just to prove that you can. That's just great. That's just … uh.
• I forgot that every possible person at the Perch loves to listen to your music, especially Michael Bubble, while doing their work. I didn't know headphones in public places weren't common courtesy.
• Catch22, that's totally fine! We would love to have you join Chi Alpha and help you learn about Him. Come hang out with us on Thursday :) #community
• Dear Facilities Management,
Why is it that in the Centennial showers, the hottest setting produces lukewarm water AT BEST?!
Seriously missing the hot McDowell Showers,
South side Sophomore
• To whomever called the McDowell Elevator Swiper breaker a Hero … They're not heroes! They are idiots costing the rest of us money! Stop being lazy and just swipe your damn card like the rest of us! Don't be a jerk about it!
• Woah! Tim McBride isn't a total tool. He's actually a nice chill guy who's apparently doing some pretty cool things. Plus he's nice to look at. Who knew?
• Anyone else have flashbacks to ye ol' green tea and caffeine debate after reading the "Get a handle on the hot chocolate situation. I cannot drink caffeine after 8 p.m." Rant? Although the hot chocolate probably has less caffeine than the decaf coffee, it isn't helping you sleep.
• Why are the health center front desk staff so incompetent?
• It would be nice to be interested in a guy who is not being actively pursued by at least four other girls. I’m competitive, but I'm not going to literally throw myself to get a guy's attention. That just ain't how I roll.
• Eagle Rants is a fantastic source of existential angst that I can draw from when I have to write my stream of consciousness essay.
• To the OCD ranter - I know! My roommate always gives me a dirty look when I switch on and off the ceiling light two times before leaving the room.
• Is it bad that the only reason I go to McDonalds is to get the monopoly cards?
• I would have read the latest article in "The Scene,” but the typo in the title deterred me.
"DC gets does of European style" ...? For shame, for shame
[Editor’s note: Oops. That’s a bad error. Apologies.] [Web Editor's note: That one's on me. Sorry guys.]
• Earlier this week, I whined about my floor's showers. A few days after my Rant, not only was the broken shower fixed, but they all had increased water pressure and heat. Not sure if The Eagle played into this or if it was just a coincidence, but regardless — hoorayyyy!
• Dear super nice and super cute girl who works at the Jacobs front desk,
If any ginger were to have a soul, it would be you.
• Why does TDR have so many cups of forks but no knives? I had to use a spoon to cut my French toast.
And how come the orange juice is yellow water?
• People get sick here like dominoes.
• Sorry Campus events people,
I took three pieces of pizza instead of one. I was really hungry and I just went for it.
• I was very disappointed by our schools attendance to the soccer game this Saturday. It's free, so where is our school spirit?
• Are there any hiking trails around here?
[Editor’s note: Yes, check out Rock Creek.]
• I literally stepped in a small mountain of cigarette butts yesterday and I'm pretty sure it ruined my shoe. Why smokers? Why? As if you need more reasons for the general population to hate you.
• SOMEONE STOLE THE "T" FROM MY "Trick or Treat\ DOOR DISPLAY! PLEASE RETURN! I'LL GIVE YOU A COOKIE.
[Editor’s note: That’s a lot of caps lock.]
• The lady at TDR always laughs at me ever since I asked her for a second box and she told me no. At least I asked.
• Is there any way we can get the giant rats from “Princess Bride” to roam our campus? I for one think it would make getting to class far more adventurous.
• When the wookie man is off schedule with his wookie call, I just don't know what to do.
• You know what's frustrating about fairy tales?
THEY’RE NOT REAL. I hate that.
• My roommate and I have matching Halloween socks and pumpkin hand sanitizer.
• I feel really bad when I walk by a tour group and I'm in my sweat pants with my clogs on. I can't blame them if they don't want to be a part of that.
• After significant amount of research, I have concluded that the campus squirrels were at one time students. Still no word on how to become one.
• There's some guy in an oversized moustache on ATV running around the Quad. He looks totally ridiculous. But he does seem kinda cute …
• Why in the world was Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano speaking at 10:30 in the morning on Wednesday!!! Some of us have something called class!! Thanks, KPU.
[Editor’s note: Napolitano is a pretty busy woman. $10 says she wasn’t available to speak any other time.]
• Why do girls dump nice, cute guys for ugly douchebags? Wish I could tell ya. I'll just say when a guy lets a nice girl slip through his fingers, he shouldn't be pissed when she's happy and finds someone 10 times better who actually treats her well.
• It seems like there is never grilled cheese and tomato soup at TDR at the same time!!! And when there is one is always out, while the other is available. My life sucks
• What do you mean, you people …
• The AU Shuttles should have a "Next Bus" service. I know they have a tracker online but what good will that do if I'm waiting outside?
• "I don't edit the eagle rants, but I'm sure that the ones that get cut are the ones that say 'F*** the f***ing f***ers' … Now I know that one of you two were the ones that sent that if I see that in the Rants next week."
~You know who you are
Love,
Lonely on North Side
[Editor’s note: This doesn’t make any sense.]
• Lonely on North side Sax Guy, you're seriously creeping me out …
• When there is a fire alarm in the Berks, you need to take it seriously. That place is a deathtrap.
• Lonely on whatever side of campus, it could be worse. You could be Michael Vick.
• I am so thirsty.
• I hate the uneven carpet in Letts! I stumble all the time over it!
• I got yelled at for trying to use the broken door in Letts, but the sign just said that it was broken, not to avoid using it.
• Death to the McDowell swipers!
• To the hater of the "Letto" and South side in general: It's called "McFOUL" …
Rant here!
