• EDITOR’S NOTE: Due to a flood of enraged reader responses about our decision to make Eagle Rants print-only, we’ve decided to bring all Rants back online. Enjoy!
• Dear AU, I pay out of pocket for each text message I send AND RECEIVE. The RaveAlert system is supposed to be used for EMERGENCIES ONLY. A memo from President Kerwin about Irene's aftermath 12 hours after the rain has stopped does NOT count as an EMERGENCY.
• I really hate seeing people who work at the library tweet their judgments of people who don't know everything about the library. It must be so hard to muster up enough compassion to help someone out without making fun of them behind their backs.
• The Capital One people seriously need to lay off the pushiness — I didn't want to open an account the last 20 times you asked, and I still don't want to.
• I have to pick up the print version to get all of the Rants? I'm going abroad this year, and have nothing to do until the end of September … gotta get my scoop.
• This is redonkulous … why can’t I read all the Eagle Rants online?
• Screw you, I go online to read the Eagle and I don’t want to pick up the written one. Isn't this supposed to be a hippie campus or something that would be all for GOING GREEN? God, I'm conservative and I said that.
• PUT ALL THE RANTS ONLINE. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING? I know you guys want more people to pick up the paper copy of the Eagle but this is just annoying.
• This is the opposite of a rant, but thanks for the AU students who knocked on my door to let me know that my car lights were still on!
• Hey Eag editors — where were the articles in this week's issue on the two biggest events of the week (the earthquake and Hurricane Irene)??? Most disappointing.
[EDITOR’S NOTE: We did have a story about the earthquake within hours of it happening! It was on our website!]
• Vegans are the worst people in the world to work on a catering menu with. Seriously, who cares if Babe touches your lettuce? He probably defecated on it while heading towards the slaughterhouse anyways. I know … he told me on his way to my stomach this morning.
• I don't want to be a responsible grown up. Can I just stay an undergrad and take classes forever?
• Dear World (this means you too, South Side Pride T-Shirts), WE EXIST! Sincerely, Roper and Clark.
• WHERE IS THE TOILET SEAT FOR THE MIDDLE STALL OF THE ANDERSON 5 NORTH WOMEN'S BATHROOM?!?
• God forbid I ask for Guacamole at Salsa.
• WONK is dead.
• Conor Shapiro, you're so hot! Don't worry about the haters, I think you're awesome :) Thanks for another great op-ed.
• It's only third day of classes and the library is full! What is it going to be like during finals? AU please stop over-admitting people or we will have to start sitting on the floor and stairs.
• I guess it's cool that SOC has a new graduate program, but it's really not cool that it means there are fewer classes for undergraduates to take. And why are half the fun electives only open to weekend graduate program students anyways?
• Prepare to jump in 3, 2, 1 …
• USA Today? No. Nebraska Hall, where is my Washington Post?!???!?! I need my crossword puzzle aahhhhhh.
• WHAT. THE. HELL. I am so sick of these closed off Honors sections. Are there really that many Honors kids? SERIOUSLY? I can't get into the only “Latin America: History, Art, and Literature” class that works with my schedule because it’s an Honors section. BTW it has 6 open spots. Honors kids are all dumb conceited d-bags anyway.
• Tell me I'm not the only one whose financial aid was decreased by over $10,000 this year …
• Dear people above me,
I'm glad you have a fulfilling sex life. Really. However, when I can hear you moaning "don’t stop," it makes me wish you would.
• I did JROTC in high school. I saw some ROTC kids wearing their uniforms today. All I wanted to do was go talk to them — I never realized how much I'd miss being around ROTC kids or how super lonely college is :(
• Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
• A freshman in a WONK shirt arguing about Paul Ryan's plan with another student in front of the Pro-Life Table by MGC. #WELCOMEBACKTOAU
• Dear AUCentral, It has now been over a week that you have told me to wait and be patient to receive my refund check because there's a problem with your computer system … GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!
• Will the Fall 2011 AmLit be another case of the staff almost exclusively publishing and rewarding their own work? Probably.
• Sometimes, it seems as if there are two options on the weekends: either suffer prolonged boredom or get mad wasted and make a fool of yourself.
• Wonk is Know spelled backwards. Which reminds me of the Know campaign to know if you have an STD. Good work AU.
• WANTED: Friends.
No specific height/weight/race/gender/sexual orientation/religious preference required. It would be helpful if you preferred exploring D.C. over booze-and-sex-filled blurs. We can debate about politics and quote TV shows, visit art museums and eat at quirky little bistros. If you, too, are really a neat person, but haven't yet found your niche on campus, come find me.
— Lonely on Southside
• Because it is so clear it takes a long time to realize it. If you immediately know that candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago.
• Who made this?! http://abroadwonk.wordpress.com/
• Rumor has it that the guy who gives blowjobs in the arboretum is back from his year abroad.
• How did I not know that there were Eagle Rants over the summer?!
• EAGLESECURE I WILL END YOU.
• My Lit professor said that a book we'll read this semester will "mind-f***" us. Is it bad that this mind-f*** will probably be the most action I'll get all semester?
• Dear library,
Was it really too much to ask that I just get some homework done on Labor Day? Well guess what, it was a hundred times better to hold my study group in the Tav instead. So you and I are through, and I think I will be much happier together with Tav.
No more love,
Sally Student
• It has been over a week since Rants were last posted. Step up your A-game, The Eagle. Do you not know how badly I want to put off my Russian homework?
• To the cute girl who piled her dishes on top of mine (and my friends) in TDR today, you're pretty cute. Rant back.
• Way to show up to your own info session, AU Mock Trial. What a bunch of champions.
• Only six Rants per issue? Are you kidding me? As if leaving us phonathon kids stranded for 3.75 hours with nothing to read wasn't bad enough — but aren't we supposed to be a green-obsessed campus? How about you cut back on the amount of paper you print and put all the information online?
• Please tell Julia Ryan I say hi.
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Julia Ryan says hi back!]
• Good LORD, people. Give Tim McBride a chance before you start criticizing him.
• When will Tim McBride give us more cowbell?
• Lack of Eagle Rants last week = major fail, Eagle
• "Pick up the paper around campus for the extended version."?!?!!? EAGLE YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME WHILE I AM ABROAD!!!!
• Nice try Tavern, but your vegan mac and cheese sucks. Maybe someone from Bon Appetit should visit Soul Veg or Everlasting Life to learn how real vegan mac is made.
• Why the hell is AU running the air conditioning during this weather? Overkill, much. Also, they leave the sprinklers on in the rain. Boo.
• Where is Police Blotter, come on Eagle I need the stories of drunken antics back!!!!
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Public Safety decided to discontinue the Police Blotter. We are angry too.]
• Letts 1 South group needs to SHUT UP after quiet hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• At last! Someone who understands! Thanks for posting!
• Why in tarnations do I have to pick up a physical copy of The Eagle to read the Rants? I’m sure a lot of phonathoners will be upset.
• Really SUB? We The Kings?! Are we still in 8th grade?!
• We had a discussion after the Republican debates on my floor lounge, and I was appalled at the people saying that they weren't too concerned with LGBT rights because they know it will happen at some point. Imagine how the world would be like if people had that attitude about African American rights! Civil rights and equality are extremely important, and to imply that they are less important is terrible :/
• To those who give the desk receptionists crap about asking for ID's: It is 9/11 weekend and we are at a school called AMERICAN UNIVERSITY in the nation's capital.
• It's the tenth anniversary of 9/11 today. The Eagle's front page, instead of having a commemorative article about 9/11 and how it changed AU or some such, has an article about how "noble" it was for professors to get arrested. I'm sure that makes our school look really good. We're that school that loves when our professors get arrested but we don't commemorate 9/11. Thanks, The Eagle Online!
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Check out our 9/11 content in today’s issue of The Eagle.]
Rant here!
