So you know that moment when the dull, disgustingly-snot infested girl sits across from you in the library? I do. Please — stay in your dorm and away from me. You sound disgusting and make me feel germy.
Dear Kid who actually bought a shirt with the letters Gamma Delta Iota. You are a total idiot. I will memorize your face and be rude to you every chance I get. Its not that I think you are lame for not being affiliated ... I think you are lame for BUYING letters that affiliate you with the people who are not affiliated. You jackass.
Dear AU Technology Services, When I pay an arm and a kidney every year to attend this school, I at least expect to be able to access basic tech services. I'm not asking for the world's fastest WiFi — I want my WiFi to work period. On all devices. If I need to access something on my.american.edu or Blackboard, I damn well expect those sites to 1) let me log on and 2) work properly. But no. Apparently I ask too much of my tech services. Apparently asking for functional university services is too much to expect from a university that will suck my wallet dry and put me in unspeakable amounts of debt to pay for incompetent tech services and pointless advertising campaigns. Sincerely, An embittered student who is really un-fricking-amused with your shenanigans
Dear People Who Don't Cover Their Mouths When They Cough or Sneeze, You disgust me. Does it really take that much effort to move your hand or arm up near your mouth? (Hint: The answer to this question is no.) I really don't want to breathe in your all your nasty so please do the world a favor and COVER. YOUR. FREAKING. MOUTH. Sincerely, A Continually Grossed Out Student
Dear AU, THIS RELATIONSHIP IS OVER! STOP STEALING MY MONEY! I'M DONE!!! Our relationship may be shorter lived than expected, so don't be shocked if you see me with another university soon. Get your crap together, re-evaluate your life and we can talk. Love, A soon-to-be-transferring-student.
To the two girls in the downstairs bathroom of the library with whom I awkwardly passed toilet paper to: I had to stifle my laughter because it was just so uncomfortable.
Can people please stop creeping on me on likealittle and just introduce themselves!? I swear this generation is so backwards with dating. Just say hi and start a conversation! What’s the worst that can happen?
If one more person asks me "So, um, what do you like wanna do with that Public Communications major?” I might throw something at them. Or drop out. It’s a toss up.
I REALLY LOVE WHOEVER FORMATS THESE RANTS. SMALL FONT AND HUGE BLOCK PARAGRAPHS ARE HOW I LIKE TO READ MY EAGLE RANTS! [Editor’s Note: You can adjust the size of your font by hitting ctrl +]
re: "Dear AU Players,?Telling people to return their playbills after the play is selfish, especially since people PAY to see the play. Some people like to KEEP their playbills to remember the event. - Someone who KEPT the playbill.?Deal with it!" It's called recycling, first of all. Second of all, printing out programs is really expensive, and arts clubs get minimal funding. When you hand them back in, you're supporting the club. No love, someone on the e-board of another arts club.
Why are the bathrooms by the Mudbox ALWAYS in terrible shape? It doesn't seem to matter what time of day it is — there is piss on all the seats, toilet paper all over the floor, no paper to wipe with and people that don't flush. Also, I've seen people flat out not wash their hands. What's the problem here?
People need to stop being so judgmental. I take the elevator in the library because I have knee problems. I walk normally, but going up more than a flight of stairs causes me real pain. Not all disabilities are visible.
Dear AU, Thanks for filling campus with beautiful flowers and trees that I'm extremely allergic to. Sincerely, Can't breathe or see
I work harder at procrastinating work than actually doing work. Something isn't right here …
God I love to hate on AU … I'm a recent grad and I still sit here and read all of this ridiculousness in my office. Keep hating wonks ... God, I hate that my tuition went to that campaign.
Actually Alex Knepper is a n00b. We want Conor Shapiro back again.
Why must all the Gen. Ed. classes be cut off at 16 people when I know they are just going to open up to 30 or 40 once freshman begin to register in the Summer? AU should start caring more about the students they already have than the ones who are going to be here.
Why can't AU have a mock room and mock lounge like other schools? I feel like my home is being invaded by strangers every time I see a tour group in my lounge. It's not like I go and take a tour of their living room.
I don’t understand why people do the Washington Semester Program. Yes AU is amazing at IR and the internship you get might be cool, but you do realize you weren't good enough to get into the fall semester, right? [Editor’s Note: It’s called the Washington Mentorship Program … ]
Nate Bronstein doesn't walk on water, he hovers.
To the ranter that so eloquently stated "Two passing breaths of some second hand smoke won't hurt you at all"... I WISH I was that ignorant. Must be nice. Two passing breaths 10 times a day for four years here at AU, I'll be lucky to make it out alive. Ever heard of epigenetics? My poor grandchildren.
Dear AU Students for Life, Thanks for your wonderful display of flags in the quad. You forgot some information though. Did you know that according to a World Health Organization report there would actually be MORE abortions and MORE women would die if the procedure were illegal? Please present the full picture. Thanks
Why is the library charging me $53 for a computer that I returned ON TIME?
So is it bad that, even though I graduated a year ago, I kinda want TDR again?
I don't recommend that any AU students become baseball players. You'll just be intentionally WONKed every time you're up at bat.
Hey Eagle ... How about you put a big WONK sign on the front page and see if it goes to Oklahoma University ... it’s happened before ...
#rantking
RE: I
To the person ranting about Hughes 7 — we're the PenthAUs and proud of it. Don't hate on us cause our floor has the most floor community and spirit in Hughes. And yeah we think we're pretty awesome (what person doesn't think they're awesome) but that doesn't mean we can't or won't hang out with people from other floors. During the week we all study hard and on the weekend we like to relax and party hard. Deal with it. Maybe you should stop judging us and take a look in the mirror. 'Kay thanks :]
To the girl in my government class who asked why anyone would could possibly disagree with her opinion of thinking WikiLeaks is bad: Do you want to live in a world where the U.S. military kills and rapes civilians and no one reports these actions so anyone can take a stand and stop those actions? WikiLeaks shines a light on government lies and creates a more accountable and moral government that is not immune to international law and scrutiny. I recommend you read the book “1984” or see the movie “V for Vendetta.” Stop being a mindless puppet. I am embarrassed to go to school with someone with such a lack of critical thought.
You dress nicely and you're very pretty, but you have no mind whatsoever. This is extremely disappointing.
I heard the WONK inventor still has their job ... WHY?!
Dear girls of Leonard 5, Some of you need to learn how to wash your hands upon using a toilet and stop desecrating the first bathroom stall. Today there's a pee-soaked chunk of toilet paper on the seat. Is it really that hard to kick it in? Also why is there a chair in the handicapped shower stall? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!?!
I think I'm going to miss this place.
I'm really sad that you're living in a different apartment building than I am ... and I'm sad that we've only gotten lunch a few times. I wish to get to know you off campus somewhere ... or maybe just hang out... just the two of us? You are gorgeous and have one of the best personalities here.
Has anyone else noticed Tim McBride walks like a dinosaur? Cause he does.
It is alarming how frightened students are of the AU administration. It is an embarrassment that students don't feel confident voicing their opinions in their own school. Kerwin, get it together.
Re: Why are my parents paying for my sister to go to grad school and making me use my trust fund money for grad school? Screw you. Not all of us are rich enough to have trust funds. I don't know how I will be able to afford grad school; it is frankly a miracle I can afford to go here even with an academic scholarship.
I love John Bly's new haircut, and I nominate him as AU's Sexiest Hipster (which I also nominate to be a real thing).
Hello, Thank you for choosing to put your bagel in the TDR toaster. I noticed you decided to turn it down to the lightest setting, then put your bagel in twice to make sure it toasted just the right amount. You know how else you could've done this? By putting it through ONCE on a higher setting. Preferably the one that it was set to before you messed with it. Now you've screwed up my bagel, and if I put it through again, it'll get burned. Stellar job. Hope it was worth it. Sincerely, King of All Bagels
Dear Dav Employees, I get that you are all hipsters and love indie music. But honestly sometimes the music played in the Dav makes me want to gauge my eyes and eardrums out with my pen. From, Non-Hipster Dav Customer
I went into Kogod for the first time ever, and GOOD LORD that building is nice. Kogod has way too much money. I think I added about four new locations to my "Places on Campus to Have Sex." Now I just need a guy who wants to get it on with me. XOXO Broke and Horny CAS Student
Hey stuck up grad students in your brand new study lounge — YOU'RE LOUDER THAN THE FRESHMEN! SHUT UP!
If you cut in line at the library Quick Print, I will crucify you. If you go on Facebook at the Quick Print, I will remove your spine. If you shut down the Quick Print computer after using it, I will suffocate you with your own pelvic bone. What I'm saying is, if you abuse the powers of Quick Print, you will never walk again.
Only at AU are the basement levels of buildings called terraces and roof levels called penthouses.
Nate Bronstein really is a cute kid. In loooooove.
Hello person in the library who insists on chatting loudly on the phone while the rest of us are trying to work. Are you even conscious of how irritating you are? Please have the decency to excuse yourself into one of the prescribed "cell phone zones." OK, now the phone is away, but you continue to discuss the social drama of the day with a friend. No one cares about your best friend's workout routine, or your dissatisfaction with people in your yoga class or how ironic breakfast might have been. Shut up …
There's only one thing worse than some jackass walking through the quiet floor of the library with his headphones on way too loud: If that same jackass is wearing a New York Yankees hat and jersey.
You're complaining about the bodies here?! I'm more concerned about all the BUSTED faces. Re: Girls complaining about guys here at AU:?Most of you aren't that great either. Go to the gym maybe?
Can someone please bring friendly dogs and puppies to campus as stress relief for finals? Come on, one of you fraternities and sororities have got to know someone with a friendly dog that needs my love and affection this week!
Saw the Spring AmLit. Read the editor's letter. So interesting that neither of the editors were on AmLit freshman year, but they claim to be in this note. It's great to be proud of work you have done, but to lie and claim you have done other work just makes you look stupid.
Maybe instead of working so damn hard on the new EagleSecure network, they should've improved the class registration system.
If this school had engineering I bet everything wouldn't be as effing inefficient.
Greek life is STUPID. It's idiotic and a waste of money. This is coming from someone in Greek life. IT'S DUMB.
Making friends at the end of the semester, that’s what.
The sentiment is nice enough, but I'm not sure yelling at cars passing through Ward Circle is the best way to get the neighborhood to approve the Campus Plan.
"Stop whining. Stop wondering why they smoke. Stop wondering why they can just use the nicotine patch. There's nothing you can do. It's just the way it is." Ya, let's just let everything be and not question or stand up to immoral behavior. Genocide? Let it be. Rape? Let it be. Global Warming? Let it be. Racism? Let it be. Denying Marriage to gay people? Let it be. Ya, great life philosophy.
Oh, green tea. Must you incite such campus polarization?
AU needs to spread out their arts shows throughout the year rather than having like 30 of them in two weeks.
To the person who thinks people should just forget about the whole smoking issue and let smokers be: The whole point of going to college and becoming an educated person is to learn to ask questions and to think critically about social behaviors and actions that society seems to blindly accept. Obviously you missed that memo.
AU should pass out crayons and coloring books all semester, not just during finals. I think a campus arts and crafts station would be awesome. As long as there are glue sticks. And glitter. :)
Prof, why are you such a moron? Like, it's ASTOUNDING how STUPID you are!!
Rant here!
