Dear frat boy down the hall,
You suck. That is all.
I really dread the days when it gets warm out and there are frat guys throwing a football out on the quad. Some of the guys were never taught to throw and throw like girls. I am a girl and I was properly taught how to throw a football. I am honestly embarrassed for them. It is also a huge turn off.
Phonathon: where dreams go to die.
Hey Nate Bronstein, Ima let you finish, but that's a freaking truckload of e-mail addresses, man.
Dear McDowell 6: Look, I don’t care if you guys are slightly (very) revelrous. Be young! Carpe diem! Gesundheit! But stomping around and yelling at 2 in the morning? Pretty dickish, and it’s a lot louder than you think. So just cool it and respect quiet hours, please? I don’t want to start a thing. Cheers, a McDowell resident
JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE ISSUES IS NO REASON FOR YOU TO BE A COMPLETE JERK FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure having this many flowers on campus is essential to my mental well being. The AU Grounds Crew rocks!
I am NOT a WONK. I am NOT a narrow-minded technocrat who specializes in one field. I am a broad-minded liberal arts major who enjoys learning about all sorts of subjects and takes pride in being well-rounded and NOT married to just ONE subject.
Dear Eagle,
Can you please actually cover all the interesting events that Women’s Initiative is hosting this month? They seem to all fall on times when I have class, but I would like to read about them before I graduate. Thank you.
why am I always the person who people come to talk about their problems with? Sure, I would always help a friend who needs to talk about a crazy boyfriend or what they want to do after graduation, but I get sick and tired of people whining about having homework, going to work or waking up at 8 a.m. Meanwhile, I have a mother diagnosed with a non-curable form of cancer, a father who has been unemployed for a year and I wake up at 6 a.m. Mon-Friday. I don't mind being the "dependable" friend, but it would be nice to have SOME type of recognition or for somebody to have the same consideration I show for them. So next time you're whining to a friend about how you didn't get the yoga class you wanted, think about what they might be dealing with while they listen to your meaningless rant. THANKS
No. WONK and Roosevelt Institute both live on the same level of Hell. Do not try to compliment WONK like that.
You are wrong. I can be a housewife after college while at the same time being a feminist. Why does raising the future generation of children get such little respect? The whole issue of family is completely ignored by feminist groups.
You know what I want? I want a guy to hook up with who won't either treat me like crap whenever I'm not naked or become clingy and needy and try to ask me questions about where this is going. Can't we just have sex, be friends and not take anything too seriously?
To the girl who yelled at me for trash talking Blends at Acapalooza: Yeah, I shouldn't have said anything in public. It was rude, I know. However, being out of tune is not a matter of opinion. It's a fact, and Blends was SO out of tune.
Is it so bad that I just want to live-rant the music that the Dav plays? #sometimesshuffleisembarrassing
To the people who apparently hate the very idea of Women's Initiative: get over yourselves. If you really think women have no particular issues worth pursuing, you live in an ivory tower taller than theirs. If you think we need a Men's Initiative, get on that. Complaining at Students for Liberty meetings does nothing.
Sharks have a week dedicated to Nate Bronstein.
Nate Bronstein once challenged his reflection in a mirror to a staring contest. He won
It's not illegal to ride your bikes on the sidewalk in D.C. For once, will you people look something up and learn about the city you live in?
Can we stop with the smoking stuff already? There have been several smoking comments every week for a month or two now. We get the point. Now shut up
@ The Eagle article on the number of people AU students sleeps with was completely disgusting and one sided to me. My number is one and it is going to stay that way for the rest of my life. Unless I know I am with the one person I am going to spend the rest of my life with, then I am not just going to hand over my body like fast food to some guy I meet at a party. Respect yourselves, people.
I didn't read that article, but my number is 9 and I don't think I have a problem with self-respect. I don't "hand it over" to "some guy" when I have a one-night stand — my body is MINE and when I have sex it's because I'm respecting my body's needs. I sleep around because I like to have sex. Having sex with someone doesn't mean they own you — it means both of you (hopefully) had a good time and shared a connection. That's it. Self-respect means I do what I want with my body without caring what judgmental pricks like you have to say about it.
Random statement of anger over arbitrary thing that can only be blamed on fate! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!
Dear Student Health Center,
I came in and spent $35 for you to tell me that I'm not sick, though clearly I am. But that's not even why I'm mad. You. Lost. My. Forms. That's ridiculous. It can't be that difficult to put a paper in a folder. I saw it done right before my eyes when I filled it out a SECOND time. Not only is it unprofessional, it's insulting. I don't particularly enjoy writing down all of my family's serious illnesses. It borders on ethics. There are certain negative aspects that come with the territory of acquiring medical care. I'm fine with that. Forcing me to recount my family's hardships is not one of those acceptable tribulations. AU, the Student Health Center is clearly understaffed/under-trained/whatever. If I'm paying all this tuition money, I expect my forms TO BE IN MY FOLDER! ...That is all. Thank you.
Why must you have a girlfriend? You obviously have a crush on me and it's driving me nuts in class when I see you sneaking looks at me. Argh.
I don't smoke, but I'd rather hang out with smokers than all the uptight jerks in this week's rants. Seriously, stop parroting everything you learned in your high school health class! Everything causes cancer. And even if you're allergic to smoke or something, stop whining — it's not that hard to avoid on campus. I can't even remember the last time I smelled smoke on campus and it was probably when I was voluntarily hanging out with friends who were smoking. If you're annoyed by people smoking near you, move! It's not like they're smoking indoors! And if you happen to walk through a cloud of smoke, get over it — the world does not revolve around you and it will not end because something smelled bad for .5 seconds in your life.
AU asks, "What kind of WONK are you?" Well, do you want the short answer or the long answer?
To the person who left his used cigarette butt on the floor of my hall: Are you serious? Get a flipping life. This is my home, damn it. How would you like it if I defecated on your doormat? Pretty sure you wouldn't appreciate it very much. Grow the frick up.
Holy wonk there were a lot of rants last week.
So happy I came to AU when they still let me place out of college writing. They're about to screw over a bunch of people who, you know, went to competent high schools.
A friend of mine, after telling multiple stories of how he hooked up repeatedly over the past few years, started complaining about not having a girlfriend at the moment. As someone who's had considerably less action, I wanted to punch him in the face.
@The Eagle, You guys are awesome! The Eagle and the rants are probably the things I will miss the most from AU (apart from my friends, of course).
Dear Greek Week,
I have not problem with you all going all out and raging for a week, celebrating your brotherhood and sisterhood and sharing all the good things about greek life with the rest of us. There are great aspects of greek life like philanthropy, support and the dedication to having a good time. It reminds me that while not a good fit for me, greek life is a great opportunity for many students.
But please. Clean up after yourselves. Did you even take a backward glance after you left Tenley on Saturday? It was absolutely disgusting both outside on the field and inside the building. Mud was tracked everywhere, and I know you don't have control over the weather but a little consideration for the space you occupy would go a long way. Don't litter, we don't need to live the rest of our weekend with your leftover shit everywhere.
Thanks.
That awkward moment when someone thinks that the rant you wrote is somebody else's.
I don't know, I kinda like the WONK thing. Could be a lot worse.
Living well (better than you) is the best revenge.
AU, please hire me. I just applied. I'm a poor first-year graduate student who can't find a job that pays enough to pay her tuition bills.
RE: What is that truck that’s been on the quad?
The EatWonky truck? They're an awesome and delicious poutine truck that is independent and unaffiliated with AU. It's just a coincidence that their foodtruck business started out before AU debuted the god-awful WONK campaign. Learn more about it here: HYPERLINK "http://eatwonky.com/about"http://eatwonky.com/about
Dear Bike-Haters,
In D.C., it's totally legal for bikes to ride on the sidewalk. The only exception is downtown where there are clearly marked and established bike lanes. Furthermore, cyclists are allowed a FULL lane of the road, though some cyclists find it more comfortable to ride at the sides of the lanes. These laws change when in different Md. counties. Maybe do some research and get your facts straight before you receive a U-lock to the face.
Sincerely,
A Disgruntled Cyclist
April 5 Eagle Rants kind of suck. Maaaan, do we all need to get away from AU for a while.
I love this school. So far the most annoying thing is the people who rant. Grow up, stop being ungrateful and stopped being annoyed by such trivial things. Everyone here has it pretty good so stop being so whiny! And enjoy yourself
Sexwonks are too vanilla. And while I recognize vanilla as a kink, go beyond it.
We are going to be apart for a while, are you as distressed as I am? Let me know.
Big bald shuttle driver, I guess whole attempt at chivalry would have been cool back in the ’50s. But making me go to the back of the shuttle line so that all the girls can get on first and making me stand up so that a girl can take the seat I was in is really lame. Stop treating people differently because of their sex.
When my ghetto roommate threatened me both in person and on Facebook and screamed in my face, I told the Resident director, thinking he would do something. Since it is AU, he ignored my problem for two weeks. If I told AU I was living with a murderer they still would probably take their damn time. Sincerely, a student who’s sick of our disciplinary system that hardly seems to exist.
Just read these for the first time in a while and geez are people getting long-winded. For future reference fellow Eagle Ranters, if it's more than two sentences, people probably don’t care what you're upset about.
ACADEMICS: STOP BEING SUCH A COCKBLOCK
Watching the Humans vs. Zombies game this week is awesome. Things like this make me so proud of this nerdily wonderful school. Plus, anything that distracts me from the vortex of school and job-hunting is good these days.
Being at a school with more girls than guys, I should be happy that there is a guy who wants to be with me. He's being very nice and genuine, yet I've heard sketchy things about him. Not sure how to deal with this situation. :(
But I really like this other guy who I’ve hung out with a few times, and he's accompanying me to formal. Should I stick with the safe option (aka the formal date?) or should I hang out with the guy who's been very nice/genuine yet is possibly sketchy? Ahh.
AUNP came to facilitate a simulation in my IPCR class and it absolutely solidified my decision to go PCR for my functional field. Thanks AUNP for reminding me why I'm an SIS major in the first place! :D :D
Much love,
-A future negotiator
The ninjas who are in Jacobs Monday and Wednesday nights are absolutely BAMF. You guys(and gals) frighten me a little bit.
Five classes + five papers + three group projects + four finals + four weeks = FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
OMG I'M SO EXCITED FOR COLIN POWELL I CAN'T EVEN HOLD IT IN NOT FOR ONE INSTANT. COLIN. FREAKING. POWELL. I love you KPU.
The only place in D. C. where riding on the sidewalk is illegal is in the central business district. I'm sorry if someone made it impossible for your posse to walk in a three-person-wide, four-person-deep huddle for a total of two seconds as he passed you. I'm extra sorry if you had to step off the sidewalk to let someone pass because everyone knows grass and dirt combine to make lava.
I think AU should offer an HFIT meditation class. It would make so much sense.
Didn't I go to school for 12+ years before coming to AU to become “generally educated”? And didn't I have to prove that with a whole bunch of sufficient or above scores before I was accepted to study at AU? Thought so. GFY Gen Ed requirements.
Phonathon is where dreams go to die.
The Tavern/Salsa workers are such characters and I love them all. Even the grumpy ones. They're just extra character-y.
"Can I get a
CHEEEEEEEESE
BURGEEEEEEER!"
#shittavworkerssay
GREEK WEEK IS THE BEST WEEK OF THE YEAR.
No one is entitled to anything.
@personal family issues ranter
My family is totally dysfunctional too. I hate the fights over rent money and everything. The bright side is that it gets much better when you graduate and become independent. The possible downside is that when you do find that real love, you may feel guilty that you love that person more than you love your own family. It's not necessarily a bad thing but a very awkward, unexpected feeling.
I recently noticed a sharp uptick in the number of bottle refilling spouts attached to water fountains. I am now so much more hydrated. AU WIN!!
Stats on Greek Week 2011:
Greeks Give Back collected almost 1,000 items of non-perishable food and over 1,400 cards for overseas troops. *EVENT OPEN TO ENTIRE AU COMMUNITY*
Pi Kappa Phi Wheelchair Basketball raised $4,000. *EVENT OPEN TO ENTIRE AU COMMUNITY AND NEIGHBORHOOD*
SigEpic Comedy Night was also OPEN TO ALL AU STUDENTS.
Yes, some of the other events were targeted towards greeks. About 20% of students at AU are affiliated in a greek organization. If you can find a good reason why these students shouldn't be proud of their organizations, let me know. The Greek Programming Board worked for months to fundraise for the week, organize events, get sponsors and make the week as successful as possible. The events went on even with cold temperatures, rain storms, hail storms and more rain storms.
Stop complaining about how much fun greek life had last week and plan your own week of fun. They enjoyed it and have sunglasses to prove it.
Wait, why is Nate Bronstein such hot commodity around here? Really guys? I mean, he's a nice enough person, I guess, but nothing that special. Am I the only one who doesn't think he walks on water?
"uhhhhh green tea has no caffeine. Where have you been?"
Umm green tea has four times as much caffeine as white tea and over half as much as coffee. What planet do you live on?
Dear SG,
Please do something about the horrific Health Center policies. Why can they bill my doctor's appointment fee home but are incapable of billing the $20 co-pay home? This makes no sense. And if I have to pay $20 to go to the health center, I will just not go, and instead spread my untreated STDs around campus. You're welcome.
Do you seriously think you are CONSIDERATE for throwing your cigarette in the trashcan SOMETIMES instead of throwing it on the ground? Wow. Your narcissism astounds me. Smoking in public is narcissistic. Smoke in your own house/apartment and give YOURSELF cancer. The rest of us prefer to see our future grandkids grow up, thank you very much.
Why does TDR never have blackberries?
I miss Dairy Queen.
To the smoker who dislikes the lack of disdain for drug dealers: Last time I checked, prostitution and marijuana don't cause cancer. SMOKING CIGARETTES DOES. I work hard to stay healthy. If you want to smoke yourself to death, do it in your own residence, not on AU's campus.
Agreed. Green tea keeps me up all night. To the person who is ignorant about caffeine content: I recommend you use 'the internets' to gain yourself some sense (and some basic knowledge about caffeine).
To the selfish people who walk around campus smoking: Some people have asthma or severe allergies and your smoking puts them in danger. It's more than just an inconvenience. Please be considerate of others. And my professor is pregnant. I'm sure she doesn't appreciate her baby being subjected to secondhand smoke because you are too selfish to smoke in private.
I'm really sick of all the class warfare on campus. Yes I have a $10 million trust fund. But I shop at thrift stores (on the rare occasions I do shop) and I am not flashy with my money. Stop judging everyone and dismissing them just because they are rich. I want to devote my life to solving international conflict for little to no pay. I am NOT shallow just because I have money.
I wish someone were generous enough to offer free meal swipe for students like me who live off-campus.
- Student who is hungry and wishes to have some good TDR food!
I love the penis-shaped and breast-shaped lollipops! We should have more of those to suck on daily!
:o
I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was "Does she know?"
Dear Eagle Rants Editors,
Do you really not fact check idiotic false statements people make that are easily googleable? Green tea DEFINITELY has caffeine. Everyone knows that (except last week's confused ranter).
[Editor’s Note: The Eagle only edits Rants for occasional grammar, spelling and Associated Press style errors. We leave accuracy and opinion up to you ranters.]
It's kind of messed up how a romantic interest can control your emotions and well-being. I haven't hooked up / been involved with a single person at AU and I am totally fine with that.
To the person who says we should get off the smokers' backs because lots of people have alcohol vices: If someone wants to get drunk until they throw up, that is their own health problem. It isn’t affecting MY health. I would have no problem with smokers if their habit were only affecting them (i.e. if they smoked in their own room). But I have a problem with smokers walking around smoking and spreading toxic cancerous fumes for people who DO NOT chose that lifestyle. They are forcing their bad habits on me. And that is not okay. When will AU join the hundreds of other colleges around the country that have become tobacco free?
I wish I had a puppy. I need someone/something to love me.
To the person who says we shouldn't care about smoking because everything causes cancer: Wow. You really need to take a health class or a statistics class. Or just get some common sense. Smoking doesn't just possibly lead to some negative consequences. It's been proven above and beyond to be extremely toxic. Have you seen pictures of babies born to mothers who smoke? Well, THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO THE REST OF CAMPUS.
The worst kind of hypocrites are people who claim to care about the environment, but then go out and smoke, releasing toxic chemicals into the air and accelerating global warming.
Dear Eagle Rants Editors,
Please learn your grammar. I submit Eagle Rants with correct punctuation and then you change them.
Correct Example: I am going to the store to buy milk, eggs, and cheese.
Incorrect example: I am going to the store to buy milk, eggs and cheese.
Note the comma. And please stop erasing the commas from my Eagle Rants because you destroy the rants and create needlessly long sentences that were meant to be compounded by a comma.
[EDITOR’S NOTE: We take out the comma because Associated Press Style dictates that there is no comma before the word “and” in a list. But we appreciate your concern for our writing skills.]
Dear girl in the library who is alternately laughing and crying loudly,
Please leave. You're weirding me out.
Okay, seriously, where are the single people?
What is up with all the self righteous a*******. Everyone has some sort of opinion or trait that they think trumps everyone else's. Count the number of rants that say "some of actually" followed by something very elitist.
Am I the only one that thinks livetweeting reactions to Colin Powell was a bad idea? Seriously, a bunch of kids tweeting while you're speaking to them? Talk about rude.
To the girl who wrote,
"I let my friends walk all over me. I pay dues to a sorority whose girls collectively don’t give a shit about me or my wellbeing. I drunkenly hook up with random guys well past the point where I would soberly say stop. I hope one day I stop feeling so worthless and isolated and gain some self-esteem."
Your rant really affected me. I have been in the same position many times before. I know that it sounds stupid, but the best advice someone ever gave me was that you won't be loved or respected if you don't have love or respect for yourself. It made me really angry when I first heard it, but eventually I built up my self-confidence, it took a long time, and it wasn't easy. Although, you’re already a member of sorority maybe you could try joining an on-campus club or at least go to one of their events to give yourself a change of scenery where you can meet new people who might share the same interests as you. At the very least it will give you a break from your negative surroundings and you'd be doing something that you find interesting or enjoy with other people with similar interests. I just want to tell you that you're not worthless and to keep your head up. Don't let people walk all over you. I tried for years to make everyone around me happy and as a result sacrificed my own happiness. It's time you put yourself first. I'm not trying to preach to you. But, I hope in someone you get this message and it makes you feel better by knowing that there are people out there who care.
WVAU's new general manager is a fox!
President Kerwin,
Do the right thing. Give professor Berard tenure.
This time they are playing Pocahontas music. This comes shortly after Evanescence. #davmusicrants
To the guy that helped the door open for me as I was running to the East Quad Building: Thank you. You brightened my morning and proved that nice guys actually exist.
Colin Powell was AWESOME ... That is all.
To the people running the front desk every time I try to pick up a package:
Your job isn't that hard. Seriously, stop looking at me like I asked you to fly to the moon to pick up a box for me.
How many Wonks does it take to fix the flagpole?
I can't believe that so many people went to hear Colin Powel in Bender Arena. This guy has blood on his hands, lied to the entire population for the sake of his career and ideology, and when he comes here to explain that he is raising fund for a visitor center at the Vietnam War Memorial, you applaud him? There wouldn't be any need for Vietnam War Memorial without people like him. When I was 8, my country was bombed for more than a thousand days, because of people like him, forcing me to move and become a refugee. Shame on you who welcomed him like a movie star. You encourage the next generation of hawks.
I'm doing my internship back home this summer, and I still have to pay AU tuition. I'm lucky enough to get paid $3,500 by Americorps for my work, but I still have to pay AU upwards of $4,000! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!
Alright listen you self righteous brat, I know you think your crap don't smell and I know you love love LOVE to hear yourself talk, but you are not the professor, so shut the hell up.
Here's something you don't read everyday — I know secrets that can bring down some very important people here at AU. Keep reading ...
Even though you guys rag on me, I still love ya.
The reason 51 percent of AU students say they don't drink is because everybody knows if you tell AlcoholEdu you don't drink, the test is shorter. Nice try.
Gott ‘em.
This rant page was super long.
Dear housemate, you are not the queen of the universe. Just because you are the "artist" that does not mean that everyone must love you as much as you love yourself. No one wants to use their keys to open the front door. But no one expects the door to open for them, except you. You are in the real world, deal with it. MTFU.
RE: If you push the automatic door-opener in MGC or Ward or any of the other buildings and are not visibly disabled (including on crutches), carrying something large/heavy or elderly, be aware: I am judging you.
I don't give a crap, and you seem to have an awfully high opinion of yourself to think that this rant will make me. Seriously, don't be a tool.
Dear Dav,
You have a Narnia reference in Harry Potter font. Unacceptable. You should know better.
Regards,
- A Hogwarts Transfer
What's more annoying than the obvious common sense PA announcements in Metro stations about how to use the Metro? The tourists who need those announcements blasted even louder into their ears because they have no common sense.
So you can talk the talk, but can you wonk the wonk?
... You can't force a dance party, you can't force a dance party, but for you I'll try ...
Today on the AU shuttle, some incredibly handsome young man started dancing, singing and clapping his hands. He kept insisting through song that he was on a "party bus." He then impressively improvised verses about how society made him feel he couldn't express himself and since he couldn't take it anymore, he was going to dance and sing in public. He invited everyone on the bus to join in, but we all declined. Why are we so afraid to dance and sing in public? I want to get on the party bus.
Quiet floor. No talking. Damn wonkers.
Dear ranters, if you're trying to send somebody a message through Eagle Rants, be sure to have enough clues of who you are so nobody gets confused. Because I'm really confused wondering if what I just read pertains to me. DAMN YOU ANONYMITY!
I chose to study abroad in the fall because D.C. in the spring is so great. OK D.C. ... It’s time to start getting great.
I don't understand you. You seem to tell me one thing and do the other even though you know, at least you should know, that it hurts me. I'm shutting down, now, and closing myself off. Have fun slowing killing me on the inside.
I hope the twitching tree in the library gets new leaves this spring. It's looking sad.
This week two of my rants were published. I shat myself with pride.
Dear Professors,
Can we please all just sing Kumbaya and have excellent class discussion without the papers and project? I'm really not feeling it.
Sincerely,
- A Weary Student
I just wanna say: The Tenleytown Starbucks is an absolute excellent place to study. The customers are generally friendly, the drinks delicious and the baristas know my drink when I walk in the door.
I'm ranting instead of paper writing. WHY?
I was hanging with the fellas
Saw you with your new boyfriend, it made me jealous
I was hoping that I'd never see you with him
But it's all good, 'cause I'm glad that I met him
Heh
'Cause now I know the competition's very slim to none
And I can tell by looking that he's not the one
He's not the type you said you liked
His style is wack, clothes are bad
Come on, girl, let him go
I want you back
@Can we publish the year’s eagle rants in a book, please?
HELLZ YEAH. Then we could all put "published writer" on our resume's. DO IT EAGLE DO IT.
PS. I mean, you'd make bank.
Rant here!
