• I know it's something that happens to everyone, but I got so drunk I was sick Friday night, and I'm so, so SO embarrassed.
• I want someone to post something about me on LikeALittle. As it is, though, I have no public or private crushes.
• The rats are back in town!
• TDR pineapple makes my day everyday. But I haven't seen it recently and I miss it. Sassy's slackin' :(
• What if one day, when your "watching someone's stuff in the library," someone actually tries to take it?
• If you're going to pay with your Eaglebucks, then take the damn card out of your stupid lanyard before you give it to me. I'm sure you think the holder that only covers half of the card is super cool because it lets you swipe without having to take the card out, but goddamn I don't want to have to deal with your keys, SmarTrip, charms and whatever the fuck else you have on there jingling around and getting in the way of me swiping your card when I have a line out the door. -Spiteful Dav worker
• ATTENTION ALL OTHER AU LEAP DAY BABIES: Let's find each other and commiserate about not having a birthday this year...and about how annoying it gets to be asked when you celebrate your birthday. Sincerely, Almost 4 3/4!
• I dress a little nicer, and hang around campus a little more often just hoping that someone will write about me on likealittle.com EDITOR’S NOTE: I think the key to getting noticed it wear something noticeable and unique. Like a bright red Holden Caulfield-style hunting hat.
• Dear professor, Your obvious bias and less-than-firm grasp of English make me dread doing your assignments - especially when you expect us to agree with everything you say. At least get your TA to proofread your emails, presentations, and syllabus. Sincerely, Giving you zeroes on your evaluation
• Don't get me wrong, I enjoy bro-ing out on the quad as much as the next bro, but really?! I know it was in the 70s and crazy nice out, but slow your roll, AU. Last time I checked, it's only February — winter. Not spring. I know it may feel like spring, but please save your sundresses and bro-tanks for actual spring, not faux spring. You look ridiculous. You can still dress for warm weather while still dressing appropriate for the season. And you can't get a tan in February, so better give up on that dream soon, honey.
• Dear Kid giving me evil looks @ the library... I've been here since 8:45 a.m. .... I am not leaving all of my stuff to get stolen so I can go eat lunch ... Sorry that my napkin is making too much noise ...
• I'm an Orthodox Jew who keeps Kosher and can't eat regular box lunches. We all know that the Kosher box lunches are infinitely more delicious than the regular box lunches. Save a Kosher lunch for me?
• Dear boy sitting across from me in the library who won't stop staring at me, I am flattered, truly flattered. And besides having a great boyfriend who I've been with for over a year, you are distracting me with your eye contact from writing this 10-page paper. You also appear to be listening to French music, so maybe you're French? You're truly killing me with these adorable quality and your quick smiles when you think I'm not looking. I think you're cute and you actually look straight which is a shocker but I need to work... all night long. (and not the kind of work you're looking at me to join you in) Maybe I'll just wear sweats next time? Let's be friends though :) Love, Some four eyes, nose-pierced girl wearing a black tank top and a plaid shirt trying to write about Hugo Chavez restructuring the Venezuelan government. If only he was as nice to look at as you.
• I've eaten 200 calories in the past 24 hours. I'm not doing it because I'm trying to be skinny. I'm doing it because I need to have control over something in my life.
• My happiness disappeared the moment you were gone.
• I'm scared of being "just a housewife".
• The girl ranter (Emi?) is the best ranter.
To the person who last week said in Eagle Rants they want to have sex/hook up in the library: I live in Clark, first floor. Get at me.
• True Story: Random dude flippantly tosses cigarette down on the ground in front of SIS. I picked it up and handed it back to him before he stepped inside. Said, "I'm sorry I believe you dropped this." And walked off to wash my hands. Glanced back to see the guy stunned, slack jawed. Mission Accomplished.
• Great, AU has a GPS for its shuttles. Now all AU needs is a GPS for the impossible-to-find garbage cans in Katzen.
• Walking across campus I was revolted by how ugly the whole scene is.
• I wish the Eagle would deal with real free speech issues instead of just repeatedly publishing really offensive columnists and pretending it's an enlightened stance. Yes, we get it, we shouldn't squelch debate. But we study branding here, we're not stupid. If you didn't have an essential monopoly on campus print news, your attachment to these crazies would have run you out of business long ago.
• Dear girls in class: The teacher isn't taking roll. If you don't want to be here, no one's going to care. Move your irritating personal conversation somewhere else please.
• Hey library hook-up seeker: how do you feel about the sexy librarian look? If you're in, I'm in.
• Look at it this way, Shapiro is not half as bad or as ignorant as Alex Knepper.
• The reason 'wonk' is so hated is because it is an awkward word that is being forced on an entire population of people (AU students), and we're told we should love it. -First, the time and money spent on it is a legitimate argument why it isnt' liked. If AU students were asked about it, they weren't asked enough. -Second, the person who led the move to 'know/wonk' is the same person who created College Park's 'Fear the Turtle.' CP students on a general scale hate that. Go look for yourself. -Third, the word is awkward to say. It's a letter off from 'honk,' and sounds like something a Canadian Goose should sound. I came to AU because I wanted to be taken seriously - more so than I would have if I had gone to some public state school. If I walk around saying I'm a 'wonk,' I feel like a clown. It doesn't matter if that third point seems illegitimate. I hate the word because it undermines my credibility, and that of anyone I see who says it.
• To the person who ranted: My girlfriend refuses to have sex with me on the grounds that I’m too “well-traveled.” Because getting some every once in a while totally means I’m a man-whore. Time to move on! Wow, really? Do you think you could at least try talking to your girlfriend about her issues first? Don't be the typical jerk who ditches a girl just because she doesn't want to have sex.
• To the person who ranted: I should get 20 extra points added to all of my tests just for being hott. I can’t help that I actually have social skills AND I’m hott, so obviously I can’t spend all of my time in my room studying. I'm just curious...is this a joke? Or are you actually that pretentious?
• To the person who wants to marry a rockstar ... I feel that, and I soooo don't judge. I'm currently in the market for a wealthy, closeted gay spouse. I can look the other way while he does his thing. I mean, it's really that or prostitution to pay off the loans. What choice do I have?
• I remember AU before we started to waste paper and money on printing garbage like AWOL.
• Is it just me or does walking down the main path (passing MGC) make everyone feel really self conscious?
• I'm a student who WILL be attending American next year, despite the best efforts of their shameless and slightly embarrassing PR campaign ... isn't the word 'wonk' derogatory?
• Dear Groundskeepers, Pouring a large pile of salt onto one spot of the sidewalk does not stop ice from forming on the rest of the sidewalk. Please ask anyone who comes from anywhere north of Maryland for help if you still don't understand. Sincerely, Guy sitting on his ass
• @" To the person ranting about the rich kids that go to AU!!!" ...Probably learn how to use exclamation points. Better yet, just stop using them. Please? - An Irked Grammar Nazi
• Is it bad that I voted for the "next Great Ranter" based on their attractiveness? I didn't think so either
• To the rich person who said, "my parents worked their asses off so I could have a better life than they had." Lots of people's parents work their asses off and they still aren't rich. How hard you work isn't necessarily representative of how much money you make. You are obviously a rich kid.
• If AU wants to be "green friendly" it should jollywell replace all those paper towel(whatever they are) dispensers in the bathrooms with electronic blow driers. Just came out of the bathroom, along with my epiphany.
• Dear girl who feels the need to cough up a lung in class: If you are sick, STAY AT HOME. I don't want your germs. I have an important family vacation coming up for spring break. Your one participation point is not worth getting your classmates sick. Stop being selfish.
• Dear God: Please let me get into my top choice law school. Please let me get into my top choice law school. Please let me get into my top choice law school!!!!
• I applied to 30 law schools. So far, 11 denials. 2 acceptances.
• To the people who changed the big newspaper letters in the windows of Anderson 2U from RECYCLE to POOP, mad props. I literally laughed my ass off for like 10 minutes.
• A big shout out to the AUCC, for letting me stay an extra hour after closing time tonight so I could finish my event poster! Also, your free Photoshop and color printing saved my life today.
• All of my friends at other colleges have their course evaluations online. It's extremely stupid that AU does them handwritten when our professors can easily match our "anonymous" handwriting on our evaluations to the handwriting on our final exams that we took the last day of class and that sit in the professors' offices. AU does evaluations online for summer online courses under this method, so they obviously have the technology. For critics who say people would not bother to fill out the evaluations that are emailed to them ,one's grade is not posted unless their evaluation is turned in. Therefore everyone turns does the online evaluations. Time to upgrade to the 21st century, AU.
• I have a serious question. Why, in all the science labs and on all the lab documents, is everything typed in comic sans? I mean seriously, we all know science is awesome but comic sans just seems childish. It doesn't fit with the sometimes-serious tones of science. Come on, let's get some Times New Roman, Helvetica, or even Papyrus, if the department insists on having some fun with it.
• Am I the only person at this school who doesn't use adderall to do my papers for classes? I feel conflicted. People talk openly about using it, as if there is no shame in doing something illegal. On the other hand it has been proven to enhance performance in everyone, not just people with ADD/ADHD, so in theory it would make sense to just make it over the counter and let anyone who wants it take it.
• I am tired of everyone complaining about Box Lunch! It is the best food you can get on the go, and it's so darn convenient! I get at least one a day and I am never displeased. It's times like these when I turn to Macy Gray's timeless lyrics: "from where I'm standing, my grass is green!"
• No, I'm not a hipster. I just know how to get dressed in the morning.
• Dear Alum ranting. Really?! You care that much? Wow. I can think of a lot better reasons to NOT give money to AU than one guy's opinion but ... OK.
• To everyone who feels it is necessary to spend the first 20 minutes of every class negotiating with the professor about when assignments should be due, STOP IT!
• Even if I work harder and get better grades than people with higher scholarships, you tell me there's no way to upgrade my merit aid at all? Thank AU, really logical there.
• Found this poem in EQB terrace: Umbrellas pass by while rain pours from the sky. In New York people are walking, what a fascinating idea. Man child? Does anyone know who wrote this? I will return it!
• Hey AU communications (club officials and university alike), what's with all the corrections e-mails? It's bad enough that you blow up my inbox with events that I can't attend seeing as I'm studying abroad, but now you're doubling the spam by correcting every message.
• If I ever, EVER see someone trying to steal a bike (even one that's poorly locked up) they will be at risk of receiving a savage beating. Two bikes stolen in one school year is far too damn many.
• Anyone feeling down: you are beautiful and a very fortunate person despite your problems and flaws. Say it out loud if you want. Or just smile because it will be OK.
• There are so many great speakers who come to AU. Why doesn't the university record all the speeches and then upload then to iTunes University as podcasts so people all over the world can listen to them? It would also promote our university throughout the world.
• Dear 2fix: I'm not a demanding person, but I pay $50,000 a year to go to this school so I think you can afford to hire some exterminators to get the rats out of my dorm. Seriously, it's not sanitary! And this is on top of you letting the laundry machines on my floor stay broken for well over a month.
• I don't mind the tavern, but I don't like when I go to get a drink from the machines and instead of coke I get water and instead of sprite I get sparkling water.
• The Like A Little chat might be the most annoying and pointless thing ever. I’m just trying to creep on the site as quickly as possible, and POP! some fruit is trying to chat with me. Yes, I can easily click “Go Offline,” but I shouldn’t have to. I don’t get what the point of “having a meaningful conversation” with some rando who I’ll never meet. At least the main party of the site, you’ve at least seen the person before posting about them.
Rant here!
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