• "Student Activities recognizes and advises over 222 different student clubs and organizations." But no HIKING CLUB? No super fun awesome BADMINTON CLUB? :
• The new DARS report sucks.
• The guy that I've been trying to get with since last semester got too drunk on Captain and threw up on my feet ... and then still tried to cuddle with me. And this is the most romantic thing to happen to me in months. I need to get my shit together asap.
• To the rich kiddies of AU, thank you for coming here. I mean that sincerely because without your trust funds paying the full sticker price, I could have never come here without financial aid. But please remember this the next time you whine at a pitch that's even inaudible to dogs about daddy not bailing out your credit card debt (that you used for alcohol to hook up with that guy who gave you an STD scare?) or whine the next time your bagel was toasted a little too long (anyone smell an overdone adversity essay?): your life is not that hard. For that adversity admissions essay you probably wrote about the time your designer purse got dirty because a hobo touched it and you had to wait a whole day to get a new one (that really sucks, too bad that STD scare happened after you were admitted). So please, with the upmost kindness, shut up.
• THANK YOU AU HOUSING AND DINING FOR ADDING THE FOOD NETWORK TO CAMPUS CABLE!! I'VE MISSED PAULA AND GIADA AND RACHEL SOOOOO MUCH!!
• Dear Roommate, We live in a one-bedroom apartment. I get that you have a boyfriend, I really do. BUT it sucks when I can't sleep in my own bed for about a week now because I don't feel comfortable sleeping in a room that smells like sex with random naked guys that I don't know. I know this couch is comfortable, but it ain't THAT comfortable. Sincerely, Sleepless (and Sexless).
• Justin Bieber is so amazingly hot! Can we send him an application packet?
• If the Egyptians can rise up against the evil dictator Mubarak, can we rise up against Kerwin?
• What's the difference between Mubarak and Kerwin? One's Egyptian.
• If we can have O'Reilly and Obama interviews before football, can we have Charlie and Neil interviews before basketball?
• I think college wrestling could be improved if we had more bears involved in the process. If Davy Crockett could do it, why can't AU students do it? Or maybe we could have Nate wrestle Charlie. I would put $5 on Bronstein. EDITOR’S NOTE: Kudos on the Davy Crockett reference.
• For Valentine's Day all I want is a cute girl who understands the importance of polygamy to my religion.
• A poem to describe my love life at AU: Frat party. Oh you boys with your beers in hand, lasciviously lamenting how horny you are into the ears of unsuspecting girls my taco is unseasoned by your lust. English Class. Oh you boy who sits with me, eyes of molten chocolate make it difficult not to keep doodling to show you my drawing prowess. Alas you have a girlfriend. Dorm floor. Oh you boys who are like brothers to me, throw your arms around my shoulder in a 5 p.m. drunken stupor. Some of you would be hot if it didn't feel like incest.
• To my dearest roommate; I just have one question for you. One. Why do you seem to hate going to dinner with me? I understand that roommates aren't necessarily bffls, and I can fully accept that we're not and will never be, but I find it very insulting and hurtful when I ask if you want to go to the TDR, get a half-assed response as to why you can't/don't want to go, and then I see you dart out the door 30 minutes later, lanyard in hand, to go have dinner. I have other friends who I go with, but NORMAL roomies go to dinner with each other if they can stand each other's presence and are to lazy to text around or knock on people’s doors. Sometimes I have no one to go with and I just want to have dinner with someone! I only haven't asked because I don't wan't to seem like a paranoid loser, but I can't hold it in any longer.
• I know this is hard to believe, but this school is actually too conservative for my views. You know who I am ...
• I understand we go to a school that stresses diversity, but why is it that EVERY guy speaks in a foreign language before they try and kiss me?
• To the person who wrote this: "To the guy who tried to start a fistfight after he got hit in the eye at the snowball fight, You kept telling the person who hit you to "man up,” but the problem is.... I'm a woman. Sincerely, A freshman girl PS- I hope your eye is okay!" Oh my god... I'm so sorry... I was a tad drunk that night, having drunk the rest of a bottle of wine I had ... though that is no excuse ... I'm truly sorry ... I'm sorry I overreacted ... Please forgive me ... T_T I don't like to start fights...
• I don't understand why people don't move in the elevator when people are getting on. Even after you say 'excuse me.' Even when there is tons of room and the front area is blocked. I have to get to class in the early morning too, so please step aside, be more courteous and stop looking like my existence is such an inconvenience to you.
• More people on this campus need to learn the following words and use them in their vocabulary: please, sorry, thanks, excuse me.
• Dear contingent of boys who sit in the front row of my foreign policy class, If you already know everything about U.S. Foreign Policy, then WHY are you taking this class?! Some of us actually want to learn from the professor, not listen to you argue with her all class, especially since your arguments are usually dumb anyway.
• Stop giving students' money to Student Government and let them choose where their student activities fee is allocated. We would all be able to give money to organizations that we are involved with instead of having to pay dues and having our activities fee thrown away.
• Can the Eagle please do more coverage of the guest speakers who come to campus? These are prominent scholars and the Eagle writes about only 5% of them. I really wanted to go to the hybrid psychology talk on Tuesday, but I had class. I would love to read about it in the Eagle... EDITOR’S NOTE: We’d love to but we don’t have enough people. What about some sort of reader-submitted content explaining what the speakers said? Would that be OK?
• To the person who puts inspiring, self-esteem lifters in the Eagle Rants: I love you. You make me feel good about myself.
• To the guy who stood outside MGC waiting for a girl: You're adorable! If I weren't a lesbian, I would totally meet you there.
• To secret society questioner: Yes, AU secret societies exist. You just aren't in one.
• The likealittle site sucks. I don't want to find a boyfriend based on only hair color and campus location. I want a site like okcupid or eharmony that actually asks important personality/political/philosophical questions and uses the answers to match you with someone compatible.
• Dear people who are complaining about the new noise complaint laws: You don't have a "right" to be loud and disturb your neighbors when they are trying to sleep. Thousands of towns and cities across the country have noise laws like this one. 10 p.m. may seem early to you, but our neighbors have kids trying to sleep or they may be sick or elderly. Show some respect for others. It isn't a "violation of free speech" to not allow you to a rabid party animals and disturb the quality of life of others. If you have a problem with noise making at night, then I am ashamed that you are an AU student.
• Whenever I see a baby on campus, my heart melts and I just want to kiss it. I can't wait to finish college and get married and have babies.
• My government professor called out a student for being "at-time", which is apparently different from on-time. This professor is wack. I am so giving her all zeros on her evaluation.
• Why do only 1 out of 20 events advertised on Today@AU have a Facebook link attached? Are we really still unsure of how to use Facebook? It isn't that hard to make a Facebook events. Club presidents and people in charge of event advertising: Make Facebook events!
• I find is appalling that AU ever gave out free STD testing in the first place when they already give out 10 brands of free condoms and dental dams (and lube) in the wellness center every day. Nice to know that my tuition money was being spent to support the irresponsible decision making of others. EDITOR’S NOTE: It was the D.C. government, not AU.
• I might be the only person who doesn't like Tav's new waffle/curly fries. I want those lovely big golden chips they used to have.
• I want to rant but then I think about the starving children in Africa. So then I eat. God, I hate SIS students
• SNOWPOCALYPSE: A YEAR LATER. Really? We're not over that yet?
• Wanted: Guys. Somewhat less mature than us, to aid us in maintaining our sense of superiority, but not childish. Must be reasonably cute, smart, and witty. Must have personality-defining quirks for us to discuss at length. Please send applications via Eagle Rants.
• Reeeallly Eagle writers? You gotta sneak the word wonk into an article? Did Kerwin pay you to put that in the article about him?
• The new cook at the Tavern is awesome! You totally made my day.
• No, I will not protest for Egypt outside the White House. It will achieve nothing. Pretend it helps your hurting friends in Egypt if you like, but come on. You go to AU, you know better.
• Conor, I appreciate your willingness to expose your ideas in a respectful manner. It’s nice to know that not all opinions need to follow the "Knepper-ian" style of communication. -Someone interested in the military
• Dear SPA, Your "Celebrating 75 Years" banners have been up since I was a freshman, so I'm sure that you have to be at least 77-going-on-78 now. Please get new banners.
• Dear AU Professors, You and your attendance policies can go to hell! Last time I checked, I was paying (damn good) money for your time. That is all.
• Omg, can someone please tell me where I can get that party wonk shirt?
• Just because you grew up in three different countries doesn't make you cooler than everyone else.
• People living on American University's campus, The walls of our dorms are paper thing. You can LITERALLY here everything if you are standing anywhere near the person on the other side of the wall. EVEN ON THE CONSOLE SIDE. So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, keep this in mind. I'm so glad so many of you are getting some, but I am not in the mood. Fellow Dorm Dweller
• Why are there no Valentine's Day decorations around campus? Epic Fail.
• Loneliness is not having anybody around to say "Don't worry; I'm still awake."
• I hate having a class on the second floor in Hurst. Walking up the stupid flights of stairs makes me dizzy.
• Why does everything have to be so expensive? Come on lottery, let me win you.
• I wish people would stop looking down at whatever and freaking watch where they're going.
• Um Eagle Rants has just become a way for AU kids to get on each other? What? That's not very rant-y.
• So there was a post about a guy who was going to stand outside MGC on 2/8 wearing certain articles of clothing and was hoping to meet someone there. I wish that he included the time that he was standing outside, because when I walked by... no luck.
• I would really enjoy having a (free) WONK shirt... too bad I had no idea about the whole WONK campaign until a month after it happened... can we fix this?
• Baby you're a firework come on let your colors burst.. make em go Wonk Wonk Wonk
• KPU has had some really cool speakers in the past. It would be great if they would put a list of their past speakers on their website (organized by year). It would be a great way to show off our school to potential students, not to mention a way for current and past students to feel proud of their school.
• Eagle Rants is probably the greatest invention in AU history. Oh how I wish my high school would have had rants.
Really Eagle staff? Really? Front page of a snow torm that happened a year ago? Have you guys turned on the news lately? That's the best you could come up with. For christ's sake, at least try to make yourselves relevant. The only awesome part of the eagle are the rants--which are reader generated. Get it together. EDITOR’S NOTE: We covered Egypt’s affect on AU/college students the week before. If you want national news, pick up a national newspaper.
• I thought I'd love the space of having a double-sized room to myself, but I'm lonely.
• Alright, I get the women's lib movement, that girls (sorry women) can ask the guys out now, but I'm a sucker for old-school chivalry. If there's someone out there, please ask me out! I'm too shy to.
• I know that part of the college experience is to live in a dorm with lots of other people, but that doesn't give those people license to know everything that's going on in my life and have their own personal opinions on it. Some people just don't know when to back off!
• To the girl who returned her chicken tenders at the tavern today because she didn't like their appearance: Really? Are you really that demanding? They're chicken nuggets for god's sakes! Just suck it up and eat them and quit being such a spoiled brat!
• So apparently Tavern now has weird-looking chicken fingers. Because apparently the only problem with their chicken tenders was that there was too much chicken.
• Dear Tavern, What gives with the new tendas? I want more chicken, not fried nasty bits. Thanks A Loyal Tenda Eater
• Why won't the DARS let me add a minor?!?!!?!?!?!!?!??!
• My lottery number is 1664, but only 400 beds are available for juniors and seniors. But hey, I should look at the bright side: being homeless will save me a LOT of money on room and board.
• To the person who doesn't like "freshman" wearing their lanyards and keys on their necks, My sweats, dresses, and skirts have no pockets. Deal with it.
• I would just like to know why the library closes at 9:00 on a Saturday night, especially when it is the only quiet place to do work on campus. Not everyone pushes work aside until Sunday and goes to fraternities, clubs, or bars. Some people want to get things done. Sincerely, Ambitious
• Dear claude the eagle, I know we're in love but it could never work out. I'm just a simple boy. you're a majestic eagle with the wingspan of many feet. so spread your wings. release me from the tight graps of your talons. fly. you'll always have a place in my heart. always...always. happy v-day bb. xoxo, Cornelius
• I want to go to the Writing Center with my Valentine's Day card before giving it to my girlfriend, to check for grammar mistakes. It is a problem?
• Uhm, does it normally take, what, a month and a half for the my.american employment area to be activated? Or am I not doing something right? CAUSE I WANT TO GET PAAAIIIIDDDD
• I go to a practice room in Katzen so that you don't have to listen to me singing all the time. Now could you please do me the same favor with your electric guitar? Or at least learn some new songs?
• I think I'm in love, but it makes me kinda nervous to say so. Happy Valentine's Day! ~Beck
• UDC's student government just got shut down. Hehe. Wow.
Rant here!
