• I miss coloring books.
• PLEASE open the library 24 hours now. K thanks.
-Seniors with actual work to do and nowhere to do it.
• Why do people leave their trash in classrooms? There are trashcans everywhere people. Stop being lazy.
• I LOVE cupcakes.
• Stupid people who turn computers off at the printing station after they use them so that the people waiting in line behind them have to wait an extra five minutes and sign onto the computer again: The printing station computers are meant to stay on all day. That is why there is a LOG-OFF button on the desktop. It's the little red button that says "LOG-OFF." You double click it before you leave and you are all clear to walk away and let the next person use the computer.
• My professor calls people out when they are late. I haven't been called out but I am still going to give her bad marks on her evaluation because humiliating people for being late makes her look extremely unprofessional, immature and neurotic.
• I'm in love with my step-brother. Problem? I think so.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Check out “Cruel Intentions” for the answer.
• I hate when you volunteer an answer and then the professor makes fun of your answer. So mean. I am never raising my hand again in that class. Gosh.
• Fourteen days without Eagle Rants. For those of you playing along at home that is three updates that they have missed. What gives? Why has every other section of the newspaper been updated but the most popular one?
• The annoying girl who goes into the computer technician lab and tells boring stories to the cute young computer technician (about her day and what she ate and who texted her) entertains me greatly. This girl obviously has a huge crush on computer nerd guy, but computer nerd guy is too nice to tell her off, so he just keeps making up reasons to tell her why he can't come over to her house. She never gets the hint. This stuff is better than a soap opera.
• Dear (CENSORED FRATERNITY NAME),
I just want you all to know that you guys aren't cool. The wanna be frat thing really isn't working for you, trust me as a sorority girl you guys are just creepy. Get your huge balloon heads out of the clouds and try to act like human beings. Maybe then people will like you, and your parties will be more than average. kay thanks.
• To the person who last week said, "It's called a straightener and makeup girlies"
Wow, Really? How much time do you spend in front of the mirror? Probably a lot because you are very insecure and vain. Girls who actually have developed minds don't need to put masks of goop on their faces to try and attract sex.
• To everyone who wants a dating site: why not just do what other schools are doing? HYPERLINK "http://likealittle.com/home"http://likealittle.com/home It's not necessarily a dating site but let's get it running for AU anyway! Some of these missed connections actually pull through and they're all kind of adorable.
• Dear Freshmen who wear lanyards with your keys and IDs,
Don't be intimidated by that idiot who wants you to realize that it's college and not summer camp,
I am a senior who wears my keys and ID around my neck because that way I don't lose them and they're exactly where I can find them when I need them. Tell the haters to mind their own beeswax.
• To the person who doesn't say thank you to the shuttle drivers: Didn't your parents teach you any manners? Some people actually do say thank you to their professors when they leave or you're welcome to the people sitting at the front desk to the dorms etc. It can possibly brighten up someone's bad day or even make them feel appreciated after having hundreds of people, like yourself, not say the simple two letter word. If having manners makes me a conformist, then I'll be the best conformist I can be. Grow up.
• I think AU should offer a Walking 101 class. People do not know the rules of the sidewalk.
• To AU Department that shall remain nameless: I know you're trying to do your jobs or whatever and I respect that, but where in the handbook does it say I can't nap on campus? Do you have nothing better to do than pester me about this "issue?" Is it really that important? I don't live on campus, I'm tired and against my wishes, I'm here by an ungodly hour in the a.m. I would like to be able to stay awake for my classes, thus I nap before them. Until you pay $35,000+ a year for school and show me a rule that officially states no napping in any AU buildings, nap I shall.
• I will never get over how mad I am that going to TDR to eat some tater tots when not on the meal plan costs 12 fucking dollars. This has got to change ... and I need more friends with unlimited swipes.
• Is it really not enough for a guy to have only ONE hookup buddy? Does he really need TWO? Guys are pigs.
• Dear Contradictory Liberals at AU, You parade around, acting like conservatives are the stingiest, most pompous, and most critical people ever ... yet you never pass up the opportunity to bash conservatives' beliefs. What happened to your rally to "reaffirm" tolerance, love, and acceptance? Why can't you actually put your beliefs where your mouth is and accept and respect that there are different beliefs from yours? Most conservatives are also moderate, but can't get a word in edge wise because we feel like we'll be burned at the stake. Sincerely,
A Conservative Who Is Afraid to Talk About What She Believes In.
• To the person complaining of conforming shuttle riders: Actually yes, I do say thank you to janitors, professors, and front desk workers, as well as the AU shuttle drivers!!! The fact that you think politeness is a sign of conformity is in fact a sign of your rudeness. When you smile and say thank you, it makes a world of difference in the way others treat you. Please keep that in mind. THANK YOU! :)
• AU Athletic Department: Please provide your smaller teams with more clothing. I really don't enjoy hearing basketball players complain about having to give away all their free stuff when I work just as hard and have one single sweatshirt to show for it.
• To the girl (hopefully you're a girl) that said "While I sit in class and pretend to take notes, I am actually silently ranking the guys in the class in order of who I would have sex with first. I really need to find a boyfriend". I like it. Come find me.
• Where did all of the rats go? My walks through the amphitheater are no longer thrilling. Let's remember people, one ran up my leg when I was walking one time — we bonded on an intimate, emotional level. Can't wait for spring.
• I know what you ranted last summer.
• My boyfriend is a rant plagiarizer!
• Love pentagons are no fun.
• What is with some professors not accepting notes from the Health Center as legitimate absence excuses? Do they really think students who are sick enough to miss class are going to be able to venture downtown to find a doctor? And don't some people have AU insurance where they can ONLY go to the Health Center? And if the profs don't think the Health Center docs are real, then why do I still have to pay the price for a doctor's visit!?
• Why are the employees at the library reserve desk 10000x louder than the actual people in the library??? STFU, we're here to STUDY!!!
• Bubble wrap is my crack.
• 75% of my time here I literally feel like I am still in high school, and I haven't been in high school for a few years.
• Dad you were right, mixed messages are immature.
• Dear AU, Suck it up. Snow won't kill you. There's no need to cancel everything just because of some bad weather. Call me when it gets to 2 1/2 feet. Sincerely,
A student from the Midwest
• Dear narcissistic professor, When the university is closed due to snow, you can't just decide to have class anyway.
• God Bless the shuttle drivers, who continued to drive students all day on Wednesday even after the university closed.
• After AU decides to close campus, they need to have a few interns or someone go around to make sure that professors are actually complying with the rules. (It's not like we have that many academic buildings to check and someone has to turn out the lights anyway.) AU exposes itself to liability when they close campus for safety reasons yet professors coerce students into staying. If I would have gotten hurt on my way back home from AU after my professor kept us after the university had closed, I would have had no problem suing AU.
• Dear whoever had the perseverance to build a snowman on the middle of the quad even though there's less than an inch of snow on the ground and it's rapidly being covered with rain: You made my day. Yours truly,
Me.
• Dear naked lady in the locker room-
Really?! No towel, no closing the curtain? What if I see you in class or on campus? Now I'm only going to be able to think about your butt.
• WHERE DID THE SEX COLUMN GO?!?! C'mon Eagle, I'm counting on you to cater to my collegiate sexual needs! Don't let those WBC anti-fornication signs get to you...
• So McDonald's is closing at the end of the year ... can we get a petition going to get a Dunkin Donuts there?
• Dear Cornelius Kerwin- You couldn't give the poor kids a full day off from school? As an expert from the North Pole, I'm ashamed we share the same name.
-Yukon Cornelius
• Dan Rather said that "American journalism is in trouble." Damn it Charlie, why did you have to show him a copy of The Eagle? EDITOR’S NOTE: LOL
• Actually, I think American Journalism went in the toilet when you had the anchorman for one of the major three networks make up salacious lies about the President of the United States. Dan Rather would know a lot about that.
• Journalism also died when The Eagle decided it was OK to mock Rape Victims in its pages.
• I was entering TDR today with my friends when we saw a photo of Paul McCartney pop up on the announcement TV. My friend and I were momentarily excited, perhaps Sir McCartney would be coming to AU? But, no. Upon closer inspection we realized it wasn't the infamous Beatles' singer. It was AU President Neil Kerwin! He looks exactly like Paul McCartney! *Melts*
• Sooo Neil Kerwin decided to cancel his open forum because of inclement weather. I'm sorry, we have school and have to commute but you get to cancel your forum? You live on campus, where's the danger there? Especially compared to the danger you put faculty and off-campus students into when you didn't cancel school in this snowstorm. Kinda wimpy that you don't wanna deal with the backlash.
• Did anyone else find it ironic that the President canceled the 2:30 p.m. town hall meeting due to weather yet we were all expected to be at class by 11 a.m.?
• Dear college students who like to play dress-up and pretend they are 45 years old: You will have the rest of your long lives to wear suits and spend time putting on make-up to make yourself look less old. Why rush through your youth? Take advantage of wearing sweatpants everyday while you can. • I just found out that the only grad school I got into (one that I was very much looking forward to attending) is actually a for-profit scam. FML
• To the girl who cheated on her boyfriend abroad, you ruined things when you cheated on him. Coming from someone who’s been cheated on, if you respect him enough, tell him and tell him sooner rather than later.
• Believe in your inner and outer beauty.
• Graduated and jobless, still. Put me back in my bubble of undergrad!
• A bit delayed, but I am so proud of the AU community for not giving WBC the attention these psychologically disturbed people are. At a place of higher education that is particularly the "antithesis" of bland, despite our differences we promoted l'amour. Cheers to that!!
• Dear Thundersnow, You did not meet my expectations. Was the mix of thunder, lightning and snow entertaining? Yes, but had you started two hours later we definitely would not have had school thursday. Thanks for being a betch and starting early enough for classes to precede as usual Thursday. Most certainly NOT sincerely,
A Disgruntled College Student
• Wanted: academically inclined, warm, cuddly boy. We can get cozy and read for classes at the same time. :D
• Oh dearest Swiss Miss, thou hast stolen mine heart with thou warmth and deliciousness. Thy shall ever think of thou, whenever thy night be cold and dark. Thou chocolatey goodness shall never ere be forgotten.
• Dear Prospective Students, at AU you pay to not wash your laundry. North-Side washing machines have been broken since last semester.
• Dear Prospective Students, at AU you pay to accommodate the rodents living in the ceilings. Mice are scurrying and squeaking above my lofted bed.
• I wish people would stop stereotyping me. Yes, I speak with a Southern accent, drive a Jeep and watch football. I also like to drink tea and listen to classical music. Damn it, I'm not a redneck and I'm not a WASP. I'm complicated.
• To the SOB who stole my bike: I feel sorry for you. Like a parasite leaching on the trusting nature of good people. Yow owe it to yourself to look in the mirror and think about what you're doing to your life. I never did anything to you.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This remind me of something once written in this newspaper. http://www.theeagleonline.com/special/story/rant-fuck-you-bike-thief/
• Good luck soul-searching. You'll need it.
• Who's the creep that keeps tearing up the sexual assault information stickers in the bathrooms?
• I work at 9 a.m. on Saturdays and Sundays. Is it too much to ask to be able to work out and get TDR before then? Not everyone is passed out drunk until 11...
• When someone helps you or does something, you should thank them. So yes, you should thank the shuttle driver. He has to deal with the drivel that comes out of your mouth and all other idiots on a daily basis. And yes, you should thank Aramark, your professor, and the person at the front desk. Even if it's their job, you should be appreciative.
I bet you don't even call your mother on Mother's Day.
• Dear annoying sorority girl in my business class: you are annoying so please stop talking so much and arguing with the professors ... THEY KNOW MORE THAN YOU GET OVER IT! Argue with the girls in your dumb soroity, you will win with them.
• I'm proud of the Egyptians. It's about time they shed their apathy and rise up against Mubarak! Free Egypt! I'm absolutely loving being in SIS in a time like this. It's so exciting!
Rant here!
