• My new year's resolution is to not fall for your stupid crap anymore. Have a nice life.
• Why dost thou hateth me American? Tis cold and windy. Tis too much for thee to take.
• On the first day of class my professor tells us not to be vegetarians because according to her vegetarianism isn't healthy. Too bad every single study on the subject says that vegetarianism IS the healthier choice (not to mention more moral). I totally lost all respect for this professor.
• My school doctor is soooo hot. Too bad she's married. And too bad I had to see her for a questionable STD issue.
• @Balancing requirements: The same thing happened to me, I sent an e-mail to my adviser in October, November and December. Now I might not graduate on time. If I were even an INTERN and my boss sent me three emails dependent on $25,000, and I didn't answer over a three month time span — I would be fired.
• Wonking in a Winter Wonderland.
• To the person complaining about the "Tea" line in the holiday card — wow. And conservatives say that feminists are too thin-skinned.
• The Westboro thinks that we fornicate all day long? I wish!
• Dear hipsters and Justin Bieber, Stop appropriating lesbian culture. I have no idea who to hit on now. You are messing with my nonexistent game.
• What’s with all the AU dating site haters? We are not “too young.” Dating sites are an efficient way to meet someone you are compatible with. Why waste time on someone who just isn’t that into you and torture yourself with nights of “Do they like me?” “What did that text really mean?”
• I cheated on my boyfriend while abroad and now I don’t know what to do. I want to tell him, but I’m scared of ruining what we have. FML
• Online dating is the way of the 21st century. Just like online socializing. If you think you’re too young, then go play board games in your room and let the rest of us horny and lonely people find happiness
• To whoever is still complaining about the AUCC: They have answered your questions AND offered to meet with you. What more are you looking for? My student organization has had a great time working with this year's AUCC leadership. They're a 100% improvement from last year!
• To the disgruntled DJ: maybe the reason you don't get any money is because your money comes from the Media Board, which isn't democratic and no one knows about.
• Too bad WBC's signs won't read "GOD HATES WONKS." If they did, making the decision to counter-protest them would be just a little bit harder.
• Dear freshmen who wear lanyards around their necks with their keys and IDs attached: this is college, not summer-camp.
• I hate when professors want the class to sit in a circle. I can't learn when I feel like at any moment I may be tagged in duck-duck-goose.
• While I sit in class and pretend to take notes, I am actually silently ranking the guys in the class in order of who I would have sex with first. I really need to find a boyfriend.
• Can we make Eagle Rants an every day thing? Or at least a running blog type of thing, so I can get my fix each day? Thanks.
• I am livid that I cannot connect to Eaglesecure on my iPod touch! This must be fixed immediately or I demand my tuition back.
• Are there really students stupid enough to buy textbooks at the campus bookstore? I have gotten all of my books off of Amazon every semester at AU for the past four years for a few dollars per book, most of them "new" or "like new" condition. I can't decide whether to laugh at or feel sorry for the students who buy from the bookstore.
• I consider myself a feminist but for emotional reasons I really want a guy to hold me and take care of me.
• None of the grad schools I am applying to have rants. Would it be pathetic to continue reading and ranting on AU's eagle rants site after I graduate? EDITOR’S NOTE: Absolutely not.
• I am a smart, strong, beautiful, sexy, talented person. I wrote this message on a post-it note on my mirror, and I look at it every day. Hopefully I will start to believe it soon.
• I miss the bestiality comments on AU's juicy campus page. Ah, those were the good days.
• I walk around my apartment naked with the blinds open. I like to feel like people are admiring me.
• I miss the bubble tea cafe on campus. Outtakes sucks.
• Why does AU feel the need to write RSVP under all the events? I go to events on campus every day, have never once RSVPed, and this has never been an issue. AU: stop creating the illusion that guest speakers are invite only programs and start advocating for an open-audience approach!
• Banana juice from Whole Foods is my crack.
• I hate it when the shuttle driver sees you and then thinks it's funny to close the door in your face. WTF?!
• As it turns out, you don't need alcohol to have fun, it just really helps.
• To the gibbering baboons in my micro class: Quit having such freaking high opinions of yourselves. Do you really think that you're smarter than a bunch of economists and our professor? Also, do you really think that experiments aren't controlled for factors that might influence the results? Grow up, you freaking children, and quit talking out of your asses. What a waste of my time. Love, A chick pissed off at listening to you badger the professor
• Did you accomplish your goal? Did your signs that offended many AU students including myself sway the WBC to change their minds or did it just make you feel better? Your signs mocking God and Christianity are not only against the entire point of the rally, but are exactly the insensitivity and bigotry that you were fighting against. I was on your side until many of you became no better than the members of WBC themselves. I'm glad that a handful for individuals can completely ruin the inclusive and loving atmosphere AU tried so hard to produce. Thank you for reppin’ AU in such a trashy and distasteful way. At least Rachel sign was clean… -Counter-counter Protester
• Dear all the cute girls at the rally, where on Earth did you come from?
• As much as I agree with the message, you can't call an event the WBC Counter Demonstration: Rally to Reaffirm Sanity, and say that "we are not here because of the Westboro Baptist Church.” We all know that this event would not have taken place if the WBC wasn't picketing AU. We were there because of the WBC.
• Hey guys, try to be positive! We're all alive! :)
• Eagle rants are for anything people want to complain or, of course, rant about. If that's romantic issues, then let it be. Free speech, and whatnot.
• I wanna rant about the fact that I haven't hooked up at college yet and I want that college experience. And I'm a second-semester sophomore. Come ON!
• To the questionably homophobic, if not blatantly rude resident(s) who falsely reported my boyfriend and I for "making out" and "sleeping" in the lounge Sunday night, I'm disappointed in you. Just two days after our university held a rally in support of love, you chose to move in the opposite direction by failing to approach us about your discomfort before going to the RA. If you wanted to watch the Golden Globes with us you were more than welcome. We bought pizza and there was more than enough for the two of us. But, instead you made false allegations against us in a lame attempt to dispel us from your lounge. Just goes to show not all of us at AU are as kind and caring as one might think. #rallytoreaffirmsanity.
• I'm 22 and I watch Hannah Montana.
• I'm a girl and I watch porn. I like to pretend that I am the lady in the videos.
• Just because it's MLK day, doesn't mean that rants can't be published. Unacceptable.
• I got off from stealing forks from TDR.
• Is it just me or are there way fewer smokers on campus this year? I think each year AU raises its admissions standards, AU gets smarter students who are less likely to smoke. Keep it up AU. I hope one day I can bring my kids back to AU and give them a tour of campus without ever having to expose them to toxic poison.
• Does anyone else keep a tally of how many Eagle Rants they have had published?
• Registrar's office : most incompetent office on campus or THE most incompetent office on campus?
• I am so busy that I have zero time to socialize with anyone, aside from daily Facebook messaging. Is anyone else in the same boat?
• Why does the Smoke Monster from Lost live in the back of McKinley?
• So my philosophy professor asks us if we would rather have a 10 minute break in the middle of our block class that ends at 10:40 PM or be let out 15 minutes early. We all vote to be let out early. So we skip the break and then instead of being let out early, we get let out 15 minutes late. WTF!
• I'm almost positive one of the people in my creative writing class is a ghost.
• Did we really skip a week of reporting due to Martin Luther Kind Day? Shame Eagle ... Shame … EDITOR’S NOTE: We also have a website where we write things sometimes.
• I love winter because I can go months without shaving my legs and NO ONE will ever know. MUAHAHAHAHA
• I am embarrassed by the Wonk ads in the metro. I crossed my arms so no one could read the AU logo on my shirt. Thanks a lot AU!
• Too. Much. Temptation. My man better prove hisself soon or else he is about to get dizzumped.
• Sorostitutes in the library need to lower their voices, seriously
• Dear kid in my GOVT class, I know you think you are smarter than everyone and probably also think you should be at Georgetown instead, but from what I can tell, you're really not that intelligent, so please stop talking so damn much. It's a giant waste of time and your voice is starting to make me want to kick puppies. Cordially, Your Irritated Classmate
• I am PISSED. I sent in an important correction to an article, and not only did it not get corrected but the author never got back to me. EDITOR’S NOTE: That’s no good. From now on make sure you copy news@theeagleonline.com and editor@theeagleonline.com in the future.
• I'm really sick of hearing people say they want a class/club meeting/lecture/event to be "an intimate conversation.” I'm here to learn, not to get intimacy and a self-esteem boost. I can get my "intimacy" from romantic porn.
• To the people that I have encountered in my classes who think that it is cool to talk obnoxiously loud about smoking the reefer. News flash, your ability to smoke the most horrible, dried out, grade of Mary Jane does not make you cool. How about we work on our social skills people, because news flash if you went to 99 percent of other universities in the U.S. you would be a socially awkward outcast. It would also be nice if people could take a little more pride in their appearance ... It's called a straightener and makeup girlies! <3
• ATTENTION HIPSTERS: find me.
• It really annoys me when people say thank you to the shuttle drivers. Do you say thank you to the janitors when you see them in the bathroom? Do you say thank you to your professors when you leave class? Do you say thank you to the person sitting at the front desk in the dorms? I didn't think so. Stop conforming. EDITOR’S NOTE: That’s not right. The shuttle driver has actively allowed me onto the bus and driven me safely from point A to point B. For that, I am thankful.
• The dating advice column needs to have a "submit dating advice question here" format on the website like Eagle Rants does. I want to ask a question, but there is no way in hell I am going to e-mail it. Even though my email address obviously won't be published, it is still known to whoever it is dispensing advice (and whoever else that person decides to share with). EDITOR’S NOTE: Not a bad idea. We’ll get on that.
• My family went to Disney World without me this past weekend. But they made sure to take my sister, who is also in college. FML
• Being friendly doesn't mean I'm flirting. Learn some freaking tolerance.
Rant here!
