• To the couple making out on the 2nd floor of the library- I realize that you two think you're adorable, however this is the quiet floor. That means no giggling with each other every thirty seconds. I realize that there are few people around, but kissing sounds still count as noise that will piss us off. Neither of you are even studying so go annoy you're roommates with your incessant cuteness. Sincerely, A student that’s actually working
• To the girl behind me in line at Salsa: You shouldn't have come to salsa at 7:55 expecting to get your food and go back to your dorm in time to watch Glee at exactly 8:00. So please stop complaining about your life being over because you are going to miss 10 minutes of Glee. Also, please stop making comments behind me telling me to move forward, even though Salsa clearly doesn't open until 8:01 for meal swipes, so walking way up to the counter in fact does no good.
• Okay I know I’m just a college student, but why can't the Tavern workers be polite to me? Since when did it become acceptable for someone to roll their eyes at me when I ask for ketchup? Hello workers, IT’S YOUR JOB. YOU'RE GETTING PAID. If I ever took that kind of attitude at a job, I’d be fired in a second. So why are the adult Tavern workers allowed to act like thugs?
• To the boy who said "You're welcome” when I thanked you for showing me your ID at the front desk this morning, you made my day! I may have acted like it was no big deal, but nobody ever replies!
• I'm an alum getting my masters at AU — although I haven't gotten a call yet, I would probably hang up on them too — I am broke for goodness sakes. They should give a ten year job/life establishment period or something before guilt tripping us into giving money...
• Dear AU Shuttle Bus Operator:
While I appreciate that you may be a football fan, I'm not sure it's a great idea to wait at the metro until a time out is called to drive the shuttle to campus.
• Dear Provost Bass: Are you crazy? 7:30 a.m.? I need time to sober up before I go to class.
• Why don't we have bigger condoms in the women's resource center?
• I'm pretty sure there's a mouse living in our lounge. It lives under the oven. Please AU, so something about this. I don't want to be the one responsible for the death of an innocent mouse stinking up the hall when I make dinner and he doesn't get out. McDowell smells bad enough. Thanks.
• New Schedule? NOT ok...I really like this whole 8:55 thing… no one in their right mind is going to take a 7:30!
• Obviously people did not read the previous rant about walking on the right side. There is something about AU's campus that gives people the impression it's OK to walk wherever they want on the sidewalk. We drive on the right side and stay to the right on the metro. Please, we don’t need more awkward situations on campus. Stay right.
• I don't understand any better when my professor rephrases in an attempt to make it easier.
• To all my fellow phonathoners, why don't you learn how to budget your projects and papers? I'm tired of getting ridiculous amounts of e-mails from you guys. No I don't feel bad about your all nighter.
• Why does the Eagle put up dumb articles like "In a relationship, three in bed can be a crowd"? I don’t pay $52,000 to find this crap in my newspaper. EDITOR’S NOTE: Your newspaper? YOUR NEWSPAPER?
• Do the people who run the Ward Cafe know what the prices of these things are EVERYPLACE ELSE IN THE WORLD? 5 dollars for a Snapple and Croissant, INSANE!
• So, I don't mind the Wonk campaign. But I have a great idea. Let's take all the $$ from the Wonk campaign and give financial aid to low-income highly qualified (minority) students. So we can have more diversity at AU!
• 7:30 a.m. classes next year. That is all.
• Can we have live jazz in the Tavern every night?! Seriously, this is AWESOME!
• So you're not over your ex. Thanks for the heads up on that one.
• hey guy, I know that you're really busy (who isn't, these days?), and I know that I might seem like a hot mess right now — but if you could see fit to actually give me the time of day now and then, I think you'd find that we could be pretty much best friends. Now, I know better than to beg, plead or whine, so I'm just going to point this out: wouldn’t that be worth wasting a little time on? sincerely, me
• I almost choked on my halls lozenge. MLIA...oops wrong site.
• Why does every girl I like have a boyfriend?
• Why are the eagle rants all bulleted and pushed together... I'm having a panic attack... I can't read them. TOO overwhelminggggggggggg.
• "Performing arts students got the short end of the stick here, so stop bitching and go revel in your SIS glory."
Um, sometimes visual art students use Katzen too? And have class there? And are really annoyed when their class is interrupted by loud rehearsals? Sorry?
• If you like Chapel Hill, then go. No one here will miss you.
• If you’re so desperate to cuddle with a literary type, you might want to expand your definition of cute. Not all sensitive, literary types know how to be found.
• You... You know who you are...Was it really necessary for you to wear a trench coat on Halloween with hockey shoulder pads hidden beneath it while whistle Jeepers Creepers? I need a therapist.
• I constantly hear girls complain that every other guy they hook up with is “boyfriend-y” and they don't want it. Hey, send them my way! I don't hook up but I'd love a boyfriend-y type guy!
• In what world are passive-aggressive notes a suitable substitute for talking?
• "Want to know why Letts isn't in one of the top spots for the energy conservation contest? It’s because all these people from the Anderson bridge keep using electricity from out bathrooms!" Are freshmen seriously still complaining about Anderson residents using Letts bathrooms? You're over three months into college, you should’ve learned to share by now.
• To the two misguided idiots who, separately, are thrilled with the "free food" (maybe you’re kidding--if so, you're probably st ill an idiot) and believe that YOU are paying your tuition, allow me to remind you that the food ain't free and your tuition money is bled from the veins of your parents. You spoiled twits. Love, A Ranting Parent
• Dear annoying freshmen girls, Good for you, making friends of the RA. One stigma — don't rat out sophomores for “breaking the rules.” It doesn’t make you cool, it makes you a snitch. Get out of high school, being gossipy won't get you anywhere in college. Sincerely, Annoyed Sophomore
• You wanna know why everyone annoys you, dear friend? Because you annoy them! Seriously, stop being so effing angsty and annoyed at everything and maybe you'll get farther. Right now though, you're just really frustrating to be around, and I'm getting sick of playing the silent and understanding friend. Try being positive once, maybe it'll improve your day!
• Where are all the cute indie girls? I miss drinking chai and discussing the complexity of Animal Collective lyrics with my ex girlfriend while watching The Life Aquatic.
• I don't even go to this school ... LOL
• I've always been a devoted RantReader, but never a Ranter, however now I feel the need to respond to several Rants. #1. To the girl who wants a cute, sensitive, heterosexual, literary type. They do exist! I've found one, and ironically enough, he is a frat boy. He asked me out by saying he wanted to be my Adam Trask instead of my Dean Moriarty, and we read each other e.e. cummings. DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE! #2. To the person who argued with the editor over an apostrophe vs. a quotation mark, I am in awe. I strive to one day be like you. No sarcasm.
• As a knowledgeable semi-promiscuous, semi-feminist, semi-whore, semi-lady, who has a quick wit and lots of fun stories involving sex and men, I'd like to take a poll of The Eagle Ranters and ask if they would appreciate me pursuing a sex column in the likeness of "Sex and the Ivy" of Harvard or "Sex & the Cigar" of the University of Rhode Island. Any opinions?
• To all the lonely people who rant, Remove yourself from your computer screen. Walk out of your dorm room and go meet people. You have entire lists of people who are doing things e-mailed to you daily. Want to play soccer? There is a group. Want to paint? There is a group. Want to help a random cause? There is a group. Want to party all the time? Want to debate? The list goes on and on. You think its hard to meet people now? How are you going to meet people when you don't have a giant network of people your age looking for people to do the exact same things with them. Seriously, making friends and meeting will never be as easy as it is now. REALIZE THAT AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Until then, get off your computer. Seriously. With all my love, Someone who thinks you are bitching about nothing.
• Hey WVAU- I love your reviews, but as someone who is just getting into the "hip" music scene can you dumb down your music knowledge just a smidge? It would be nice to know more than 1 band in the "sounds like" section. -An attempted cool kid. EDITOR’S NOTE: Much love to WVAU for their reviews. The Eagle appreciates them!
• Re: Chapel Hill...hows their volleyball program, HELLO!
• PLEASE HELP US SAVE AU MUSIC!!! We need to keep fighting for Professor Manny Berard!
• "The price tag on this school is around $50k. I am paying $0. I still think I should have went to Chapel Hill." -- maybe you should have, considering that terrible grammar. "I still think I should have GONE to Chapel Hill." Not went.
• To the girl who watches Disney movies alone on weekend nights wishing for her Prince Charming to come along, I DO THE SAME THING! We should be friends.
• Hey AU, it kinda blows when you don't offer more of the required courses I need for my freaking major. I love how you basically force me to take classes I really don't want to take, but yet have to in order to satisfy your damn requirements. Thanks for having the worst selection of classes. I appreciate it.
• To the girls clearly insulted by my AU girls rant: You're the problem. Not me. The point was that I don't think I'm entitled to anything and that I don't treat others who aren't as "fabulous" like secondary trash.
• To the person who made me lose the game. Props on your use of EagleRants to do that. It is creative (showing AU has creativity), it is humorous (because the people without boyfriends are depressing), and it is not about the Phonathon (even though I work there and hate it!)
• Dear guy in my class. Your voice pains me. I know you can't help it, but at least try to not talk unless it's something important. For some reason you just feel inclined to repeat what the professor said. No one wants to hear your high-pitched nasally voice aaaaah yours truly, person trying not to punch you
• All these girls are complaining about how all they want is a guy to cuddle with and how the guys here on campus just want to have sex. WELL I'M WITH THE GUYS! Hello! We’re at college, the whole point is to meet as many people as possible and find out what you really like in a person, and that includes sex! I'm in a relationship right now and it's completely frustrating not seeing my boyfriend for a few days and then when we do see each other all we do is hang out or do homework together. I'm in my sexual prime right now and instead I'm helping him conjugate verbs and analyze supply v. demand graphs.
• Stop kicking the MGC handicap button!! It really bothers those of us who sit in the MGC corner lounge.
• In response to "all girls are the same here,” while I do feel there is a typical female student here (fashionable or indie) saying you looking better than everyone else here is extremely conceited. You may be fortunate like most of us attending a place of higher education, but you are not privileged. Your attitude is exactly what made that person make their original comment. You are the reason Pink created the song "Stupid Girl.” Respectfully show some humility and stop making all girls look like assholes.
• TDR can you please make meals that aren't complicated. A simple meatloaf with mashed potatoes and green beans would suffice.
• I could have transferred from AU to a different school. I wanted to. I stayed because I didn’t want to leave the orchestra. So thanks, AU, for denying a deserving and talented music professor tenure. You can thank him for my tuition dollars and for our much improved orchestra.
• To the jerk that uses the handicap button, It actually creates an unnecessary draft of cold/hot air which makes people inside cold/hot and uses extra energy to make warm again.
• I've been hearing rumors about a secret society at AU. Is this legit? If so, can girls be in it? I'm waiting to be tapped. Nothing yet...
• I wish sleepovers were still socially acceptable for college girls. I miss having another girl share my bed as we stay up all night and tell each other secrets. But I think if I asked one of my girlfriends to have a sleepover with me, she would think I was sexually interested in her. Oh, the days of innocence.
• I have too much booty for one man to handle.
• Nice try calling me from a blocked number so that I would pick up. Stalker. I'm not that stupid. And I ignore you for a reason.
• Loving No Shave November!!!
• I miss you inside me.
• I'm so sick of having to wait around for a treadmill at the gym only to have people take the one I sign up for! Do people just not understand the system? Am I supposed to tap them on the shoulder and tell them to get off?? Why doesn't the staff DO anything when you complain? AHHHHH!!!!
• Dear pre-frat friend, I miss the old you sincerely, a fan of the non-sucky you
• To the person who wishes she/he had gone to Chapel Hill: Your grammar is horrible.
• Dear anon WVAU lover - I love YOU with all my being. Meet me by the rack next week and we'll make some spins together?
• "Only bad professors deserve tenure"? Because department politics couldn't possibly have played a role. Those of us fighting for Professor Berard have studied the process. Some of us have been in the orchestra for many, many semesters. We would know by now if Berard was a "bad" professor.
• We need more things to read in the bathrooms. I like the "installs" that the library has, but can these start appearing in the dorms etc? I think that's where the eagle rants should be posted, that would keep me entertained.
• Dear Perch, sell food. Love, hungry studier.
• Yes it is midnight in the library. Yes there are not many people here. Yes we are in the basement. But, THIS IS STILL A LIBRARY. Seriously, wasn't this reviewed in preschool, "inside voices" everyone.
• I don’t care about politics AT ALL. so please stop asking me if I’m registered to vote, and stop questioning me why I came to this school.
• The freshmen guys are cuter than the ones in my grade, but is that considered "slumming" ?
• My Eagle Rant was not posted. To be fair, they never are - but I really thought this one would make the cut.
On an unrelated note, I really like the editor's notes too. And I would be happy to write crosswords for the Eagle, but only if they can have funny clues.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Congrats! You made it in. The clues can be funny, just not horribly offensive.
• Dear neighbor, PLEASE BLASTING JUSTIN BEIBER AT 12 a.m.!
• WE NEED GOOD COFFEE AT TDR! I'M TIRED OF PAYING FOR SUBPAR COFFEE ON CAMPUS! I WANT FREE COFFEE!!!!!
• Dear Person I Met at a Frat Party, Let's not make this awkward by avoiding eye contact when we walk through TDR. We met. We conversed. Let's be actual friends. Sincerely, Tired of having to pretend like I smiled at the person behind you.
• I never meant to start a war, you know I never want to hurt you. Don't even know what we're fighting for. Why does love always feel like a battlefield a battlefield, a battlefield.
• @AUCuddleAdvocate I propose a club.
• Quick word to all you "artists" let me give you a quick lesson on what is and isn't art. The Mona Lisa is art. Having a bunch of students draw lines down a canvas isn't. That’s lazy. The thinking man is a brilliant sculpture and a work of art. Something I have to side-step every damn day when I turn a corner in Katzen isn't. That's annoying.
• Love, love, love Eagle Rants!
• Whoever turned my wallet into lost and found, THANK YOU! You are a wonderful person. I am sending good karma waves to you.
• My dearest AU, I do not ask for much from you. My digestive system works hard for TDR and I try to be as kind as possible to everyone, but I am cold. Do you know why I'm cold, AU? I am cold because I can't get any semblance of a warm temperature in my shower. Forget pressure, that I understood would always suck. But now that it's fall and quite cold outside, taking a shower under my shower aka the water dripping from melting ice bergs, I’m saddened. Please help me out AU. Love, A cold, but seriously in love student.
• What the hell is up with the Health Center? I can't schedule an appointment online because they put my email address as @american.edu instead of @student.american.edu. But, even worse than that, is the fact that I've called them at three different times in the past three days DURING their open hours, and not once has a "patient service representative" picked up the phone! The phone just keeps ringing and ringing. Plus, the last time I had an appointment, I sat there for an hour before they realized that the doctor left for lunch since she forgot I was there! This is the most incompetent health service to which I've ever been exposed.
• Why is there no hype about the Elton John event @ Bender Arena on Nov. 15?!?
• THE BAND PROCESSION JUST WOKE ME UP FROM A NAP BY LOUDLY PROTESTING IN THE LA QUAD... and yet those caps locks are the extent of my anger. Congrats, band kids, for standing up for your teacher and what you believe in. If it came to a vote, despite the rude awakening you gave me, I would be for your cause.
• I love that AU is doing the energy challenge, and I don't really care if you want to take the challenge seriously. But most AU students care about the environment in some way, and this is kind of a nice time to build up some good routines in energy conservation.
• Every time you see someone eating alone in TDR, asking them to join you. I wish someone would sit with me.
• To everyone who has a disability of any kind-you don't need to be ashamed. Whether it is a learning disability, physical disability, mental disability, audio disability or visual disability, you are welcome here in the AU disability community. It's okay and great to come to terms with your disability. Embrace that as part of your identity. There are lots of others just like you.
• People who are disabled are cool.
• Go Disability Alliance!!!
• Yay for Dunkin Donuts!!!
• Bigger font on signs in the Tavern and Marketplace would be very much appreciated. Love, visually impaired and blind people on campus
• I hate western legal tradition I hate western legal tradition I hate western legal tradition I hate western legal tradition I hate western legal tradition I hate western legal tradition.
• I can't wait to return from thanksgiving break when all of my friends have relieved their sexual frustrations with their respective hookups at home.
• Anyone else remember when the Eagle published twice a week?
• PLEASE stop flirting with me if it turns out you have a girlfriend! I'm really okay with being friends but you can't be that forward and not create false expectations.
• People who whisper in the second floor of the library: it is a SILENT FLOOR, not a whispering floor, not a lower voice floor, but SILENT! That means I only want to hear the typing of keyboard and my own thoughts. So please, if you’re in a group or just feel a need to talk and laugh while studying just go to the third floor and let me study in peace. -Annoyed second floor loner
• For all the academic adviser promotion AU does, we have some pretty shitty ones. What kind of advisor doesn't recognize AP credits, thus making you falsely believe that you need to take classes that YOU'VE ALREADY PLACED OUT OF?! No AU, I already give you a shitload of money per year—recognize and quit trying to drain me monetarily. AND MAYBE HIRE SOME PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO DO THEIR JOB.
• I hate roommates who never leave the damn room. Like seriously, get a damn life and leave the room for once! You only leave to go to class, go to the bathroom, shower and eat. I’ve never seen you socialize with people outside our floor. So please, learn to be social, and let me have the room to myself for at least an hour a day. I don't think that’s too much to ask for, considering I LITERALLY give you the whole day. And, do you mind like cleaning your side of the room? Your spillage is getting on my side, and the odors coming from the food you leave chilling on your desk make me want to vomit. Clean your mess, and get a life!
• Maybe it's just me, or the fact that I've been out of AU for three years, but the students at AU seem to complain a lot more about trivial shit. When I was at AU, we bitched about real problems, like the president embezzling a money and then having AU jack up tuition rates to pay off his golden parachute.
• To the person complaining about wasting $32.50 on two dates: Not to nitpick, but spending $16.25 on a date might be part of the reason for rejection.
• The removal of the Orchestra director is just the next step of a continuing level of disrespect for the arts. Does it surprise anyone? This is what happens when you have a cultural ignoramus running your university.
• I was really disappointed in the quality of the protest that the Band Geeks did on Wednesday. I expected Mars the Bringer of War, or Fugue in D Minor. Instead there was some lousy blatting of horns. Band Geeks, play well!
• Having the gym open to midnight? Probably the greatest thing to happen to AU since, well, since 1893.
• I hear they're re-doing Mr. Holland’s Opus. They’ve cast Neil Kerwin in the William Macy Role of Wolters and Manny Berard in the Richard Dreyfuss's role.
• So the boys who ran for ANC tried to help out AU. Instead, we have two anti-AU people trying to fill the seats. Great job....
• If the library has late hours... If the gym has late hours... Why can't we have late hours for Student Activities?
• For all you hating on phonathon ranters. You try sitting in front of a computer screen for 3.75 hours with nothing else to read except the Eagle, then tell me how you feel. This job is sucking out my soul.
• What I don't understand is why the Grad Student Government can spend all of this money on alcohol, but we can't. Some of us are over 21.
Rant here!
