• LIVE EVERY WEEKEND LIKE PARENTS WEEKEND.
• Sorry Rudy. Even though I'm a New Yorker and appreciate all the good you've done for us and how you handled 9/11, you lost me after you tried to justify the Tea Party.
• I'm abroad and I am somehow mixed up in D.C. drama. HOW IS THIS FAIR??
• To the person complaining about the smokers in from of McDowell and us smokers generally,
I am not pissing away MY money, my health or your health.
Let me smoke my cigarette, cigar, or whatever else in peace. The act of smoking, regardless of the economic and health consequences, is cool. YOU ARE LITERALLY BLOWING SMOKE OUT OF YOUR MOUTH! Further, I choose to smoke because I thoroughly enjoy tobacco.
If you don't, fine. I won't harass you about it or pressure you to smoke. Just let me enjoy my cigarette. If AU wants to implement tougher smoking policies, that is alright too as long as they accommodate the large smoking places by giving us somewhere to smoke that is protected from the elements. On the whole, we are not the social degenerates you, many politicians, the media, or modern movies would have us be. Let me smoke my cigarette in peace. I am plenty competent to choose what I want to do with my body. I really do not care what you think.
Sincerely,
A smoker.
P.S. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could smoke in class again like you could back in the 60s?
• WHY ARE THERE RATS EVERYWHERE!?!?!? KILL THE RATS!!!
• Where are all the single, straight guys who love a curvy girl? Seriously.
• When I hear people make unintelligent comments about Mad Men, a little piece of my heart withers and dies.
• Why has ragging on the dav become so awesome? Give it a restttt.
• Ladies of AU,
If a guy says he likes you or asks you to coffee. DO NOT string him along. DO give him a straight answer. DO NOT try to protect his feelings by dragging it out and being vague - not all of us are mind readers.
By not saying “no,” and stringing dudes along, you do yourself, and other ladies, a disservice.
By definition of being guys, we can take an instant rejection.
• Dear Leonard 2,
I love you guys, but can we please stop being so clique-y? Bring the party to the lounge not to your room.
• You know what I'm getting sick of? People who don't move over when you're walking. If I wasn't the one to move, I swear I would be knocked into more times then I would be able to count. So if you see me coming your way and you just happen to knock into me, don't give me that dirty look or snide scoff acting like it was my fault. You could have moved over too. So people of AU, please learn how to walk.
• Dear phonathon-hating alumni:
1) If you pick up your phone and give us a yes/no answer, we won’t call you again for at least a year.
2) You can tell us to take you off your list. By law, we have to.
3) Even if you only give $5 (or less) it still helps the rankings of this school and thus your degree. Ergo, give back to AU, have your degree respected more, and get hired at a better job.
• Dear Party People,
Look, I don't care if you go out and party every night, every other night or just on the weekends, I just don't want to HEAR ABOUT IT. I don't want to know about your drunken escapades, if you had sex, how much you threw up, how you used a fake ID to get into a club or about the “wicked” hangover you had the next day. Either take it somewhere not so public or at least talk at a decent level so not everyone can hear you. You're not impressing anybody.
Sincerely,
An Annoyed Individual
• Hey, ranter who is an alumni and doesn't like Phonathon...
First of all...this isn't a work study job you moron. Second, if you can't even spell Phonathon right (it clearly is not spelled "phoneathon"). You're clearly the one who is depreciating your own degree, dumbass. Second of all, if you really are an alumni...it's really pathetic that you have nothing better to do than read the opinion section of your alma mater's newspaper (no offense Eagle).
Sincerely,
A Phonathon caller
• Dear Gleeks Anonymous,
Thanks for clarifying. I appreciate it.
-Bored and misled ranter
• Dear bon jovi hater (again),
Touche. At least you can admit it. Except not everyone here is a communist tree-hugger. I'm a conservative.
• Hey, person who said we call Hashish the wrong thing here in America...
I know pretty everyone here is a liberal, so you think you can get away with insulting America since liberals clearly don't care about our great country. But you can’t, sir. I politely ask you to return to your country and smoke whatever the hell you call it there.
• I'm abroad — and AU still sucks. crap.
• To the person who wrote the rant that said “It's not how much you rant, it's that you do...”
that was awesome. You made my shift. Thanks for being a phenomenal phonathon ranter.
Unfortunately, I’m just not comfortable with a commitment of 1 rant per quarter, I'd be more comfortable with 4 rants per year.
• ELEVEN OF MY RANTS MADE IT LAST TIME. WHO’S A RANT WONK NOW!
• Could the World Series get any more boring this year. Phillies '11!
• Future donors:
I advise that you be nice to us Phonathoners. We can determine if you get called by in three days, a few months, or a year. If you're mean, we could choose to do refusal but that would be nice of us. Instead I like to reshuffle you into the list so you get called 15 more times.
Karma's a Bitch!
• I'm dumb, she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
Pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth
• What PR idiot was responsible for choosing the "American Eagles" for our mascot?!? We're not a clothing chain. We're not patriotic either - in fact, most of us are commies who are all for abolishing the nation-state. Therefore, I propose that AU change its mascot to the Rats. Much more fitting, as there are approximately as many rats on campus as there are students.
• IT'S MY LIFE! IT'S NOW OR NEVER! I AIN'T GONNA LIVE FOREVER! I JUST WANT TO LIVE WHILE I'M ALIVE!!
• Nobody gives a shit about the new tayswift CD.
• My roommate ALWAYS turns her lil' fluorescent light on for the mirror in the morning before her 8:30 to get ready. I completely understand, and have no business being up set...
But fluorescent lighting is the bane of my existence and my hatred of it burns hotter than the plasma fire of a thousand suns.
• I'm not saying the guest-speakers KPU gives us aren't great...I'm just saying that if they could’ve gotten Jon Stewart and/or Stephen Colbert, it would’ve been 10x better then every other speaker for the next four years COMBINED. I mean they're HERE in DC. And it was known that Stewart would be here in DC for a week of shows months before the Rally was announced. Plus there is a 0 percent chance of anybody booing and heckling those Jon Stewart and the Rev. Dr. Stephen T. Colbert D.F.A.
• AU, why do you cost $54,000 and yet there are no curtains in the showers?
Figure it out.
Love,
anti-public-nudity-wonk
• Dear phonathon girl who spends half her time away from her computer, talking with friends and kissing supervisor ass: thank you for proving we don't actually have to work all that hard for the paycheck.
• Making me wake up at 6 am to register for classes from Europe DURING MIDTERMS? Really AU?? NOT COOL.
• I hate the university so much now, I could spit. Changing from AC to heat when it's 75 degrees every day? So, so not cool.
• Letts: It's 2 a.m. I am melting. I'd rather just sleep outside, but I'm afraid the rats would eat me alive.
• FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, DO NOT BRING YOUR BEST FRIEND TO THE QUIET FLOOR! I get it: You don't want to study and you probably haven't seen each other in an hour. However, I did choose the quiet floor for a reason. If you want to talk, go up or down a floor. Thanks a bunch.
• I never thought I would be another person complaining in the library but this is ridiculous. Girl sits next to me on the quiet floor, and chews LOUDER than I can think. I've never wanted a bagel to be out of my life so quickly. I'm pretty sure this girl has an unnatural amount of saliva in her mouth cause I can hear EVERYTHING going on in there. FML
• McDowell 2 is by far the HOTTEST group of freshmen on the entire campus!
• OH WE’RE HALF-WAY THERE! OH OH LIVIN ON A PRAYER! TAKE MY HAND WE'LL MAKE IT I SWEAR! OH OH LIVIN ON A PRAYER!
• SHOT THROUGH THE HEART AND YOU'RE TO BLAME! YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME! I PLAY MY PART AND YOU PLAY YOUR GAME! YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME!
• WHY IS IT 85 DEGREES IN EVERY BUILDING ON CAMPUS?! I DO NOT ENJOY SWEATING THROUGH MY CLOTHES WHEN I'M DOING MY HOMEWORK!!! BRING BACK THE AC!!!!!!!!!!
• This is the quiet floor. Kindly stfu. Thanks.
• There are never any tables open in the Ward lobby cause the smoking ban moved the smokers from the MGC steps to the Ward steps. GAH I just want to have somewhere to study and drink coffee before class!
• I really wish more places took meal swipes. Would be really be all that hard to have a combination of food items that equals a meal swipe? They do it at Tav! Why not the rest of the on Campus Vendors?
Sincerely,
A Hungry College Student Sick of TDR
• So you can run and wonk that, run and wonk that run and wonk that homeboy, home home homeboy
• To a girl in my class,
I swear to God, if you utter the word "theoretically" one more time, I will stand up in the middle of class and punch you in mouth. I will do it.
Love,
Your classmate
• WHY DID EVERYONE SHOUT ON TUESDAY?
• Mmmm. Taco Tuesday. I love me some taco Tuesday.
• I heard a rumor there's new air filters going around.
Why hasn't McDowell gotten their hands on any yet? Aren’t we widely accepted as the worst smelling place on campus?
• Do you remember that time I got drunk, and wrestled a panda bear, and made out with you, and skydived, and dressed in drag?
Yeah. Me neither.
• WHY WILL NO ONE DANCE IN THE RAIN WITH ME!?!?
• Dear girl who thought I lived on her floor: It’s the end of October. HOW STUPID ARE YOU?
• Jesus. You get a serious illness on this campus, fall off the face of the earth for a month, and BAM. friend desertion. cool, guys, cool.
• EIGHT MORE DAYS!
• Ah well you, you never looked so good.
• Where did all my money go?
• drag queens+racing=hilarity
• read a book read a book read a goddamn book
• I've got a snake in mah boot!
• Seriously. If I wake up to another Wednesday morning of dumpsters being emptied, I'll go nuts. EVERY WEDNESDAY. AT 7 a.m.! Why? Why? WHY?!?
• AU, you turned the air on, so I opened a window, and what did I get? Rained on. Thanks.
• That was definitely a ratty squeak from my ceiling just now. Pleasedontfallpleasedontfallpleasedontfall.....
• to the dav- THANK YOU FOR THE BIGGIE
• Seriously people, when you're in the Honors lounge, shut up. This isn’t the place to talk about your job or your dinner or whatever you're currently blabbing about. Please stop.
• Hey roommate, please don't eat my food that I bring home for myself. That hearts of romaine salad with prosciuitto and avocado and gorgonzola cheese dressing would taste mighty good right now...except you ate it for breakfast.
• Dear "Alumni" Who Hates on Phonathon,
First off, it's “alumnus" or the more commonly used "alum." Unless you were typing that rant with your conjoined twin, please use to correct conjugation.
Secondly, the money we raise at Phonathon helps give kids (like me - a disadvantaged Latina woman) scholarship money to attend the university. Yeah, it's expensive, but all private universities ranked with AU are about the same price. We're just trying to help. Also, the money we raise goes to new building projects ... SIS majors have us to thank in part for their great new school. Oh and when we say "It's not how much you give, it’s that you give" we mean that the percent of alumni (this is the proper use of the word) who give to the university helps increase our rankings in publications like U.S. News and World Report - making your degree more valuable to potential employers.
Also it isn't work study. It's one of the few jobs students can get on-campus that don't qualify for it. And I really like my job, because most of the time I get to speak to friendly alumni who have done some pretty interesting things in their lives. I, too, hope that we never call you and have to deal with your negative attitude. We're just trying to pay for college (like you still might be doing) and we’d really appreciate it if you treat us with the same respect that we give to you. We're only calling for a couple of reasons.
• The Eagle should dedicate an entire issue to Eagle Rants. Then I might actually read my first newspaper.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Done.
• Ok so saying that you have to INVESTIGATE to find College Republican events is total BS! They are in Today @AU and all over Facebook. Also the Rudy Giuliani speech was a big event and it was buried below headlines for a news story more than a week old what the heck?
EDITOR’S NOTE: You’re right. Add ‘Republicans’ to the groups we hate.
• Dear Irritated Assumptive Non-Smoker McDowell Resident,
We appreciate your concern for our health and well-being... and our parents money. In actuality, many of us pay our own way through personal savings and scholarships. But one thing our parents did give us is the good sense not to judge others when simply walking by.
Regardless, we are a friendly and welcoming community, and by now we have learned from each other that smoking is no indication of personality. You must get to know a person before you can understand them. We're glad you are looking out for us, but in reality, we pity you for your narrow mindedness and arrogance. We're sorry that the five seconds you spend passing us is a great hinderance to your college experience. From now on, we'll try to keep our smoke to ourselves. Please, feel free to join us anytime. Good day.
Love,
The McDowell Smoking Community and Friends xoxo
P.S. Stay away from buses, the emissions are dangerous. Oh by the way, do you recycle?
P.P.S. We club sandwiches. Not seals.
• I won't pretend to know what crap you're dealing with to feel like you have to waste your time taking it out on the smokers in front of McDowell, even though you pretend to know the whole story on why they started smoking, why they continue to smoke, and how it impacts their lives. I actually like seeing them there every day. They are so friendly and approachable - I would cry if they left, not because I spend a lot of time with them, but because it brings calmness and security into my day to come home and be welcomed by nonjudgmental people who know how to just chill. So, here's hoping you can get your head out of your ass and stop wasting your parents' money on a sour heart.
- McDowell Non-Smoker
• I miss my friends from home who actually gave a crap about me. Would my girls at home have sat idly by while I drunkenly cried in a stairwell? Don't think so. People at AU suck.
• Whose bright idea was it to have a matinee showing of “Nine” going up against the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear? I mean seriously! Virtually everyone at AU will be at the Rally! Anyone who won't be at the Rally will be doing something else preventing them from seeing “Nine.” I know that the show dates were planned before the Rally was announced, but canceling a show date isn't that hard. All you're doing is holding the actors, crew, and musicians for “Nine” hostage putting on a show for an audience so small, it might as well be another rehearsal, when they could be going to THE FREAKING RALLY TO RESTORE SANITY AND/OR FEAR!
Rant here!
