• Aren’t there any cool girls that don’t already have boyfriends? Especially long-distance boyfriends, jeez.
• All my professors require written submissions on the reading 5 p.m. the day before class ... why as a senior am I being forced to acquire good study habits?
• Not that I actually attended that party on the beach, but I really did enjoy the music coming in through my open window.
• I love working at the Phonathon, and I love eagle rants. Thank you, Eagle. Because (even though I love the Phonathon!) if it wasn’t for eagle rants, my brain would be dripping out of my ears from staring at a computer screen for four hours because NO ONE ON THE DAMN FUTURE DONORS LIST WILL ANSWER THE PHONE!!!!!!!!!
• I’m a transfer and thought all you guys would be friendly. The friendliest girls on campus are sorority sisters and the bros that follow them around ... PLEASE SOMEBODY FIND ME!
• Dear severely annoying people in Ward: Just because you are in a common area does not mean that is it okay to be INSANELY LOUD AND ANNOYING. Yes, I realize this isn’t a library, but there are plenty of people around you that are obviously trying to study. Is it too much to ask that you keep your conversation to a conversational level rather than a party level? Thank you.
• Crushing hard on the metalhead in one of my classes. I wish I could talk to you!
• Why do the athletes/sorority girls congregate on the third floor in the back? And why are they the most annoying human beings alive? YOU’RE IN A LIBRARY. I don’t care if you’re only here because it’s required. GET OUT.
• How do I tell my dorm neighbor to be quieter? He gets way too loud when his Neanderthal friends visit and spends way too much time yelling at the TV when watching football.
• To all the hipsters working at the Dav: If you think you’re too cool to serve me coffee without an attitude, maybe you need a new job! The Mud Box is exponentially cooler than you anyway, even without the skinny jeans and thick rimmed glasses!
• Dear People on Anderson 5,
You all seem like very nice people, but you aren’t very nice to your floormates. You monopolize the lounge and act as if property that is for common use is yours. Please stop judging those of us who occasionally go out on weekends. It’s okay if that’s not your thing, but giving me mean looks when I come into the lounge at 4 a.m. to make drunk food is judgmental and rude. I want to get along with you, but you just aren’t friendly or considerate.
Love, An Anderson 5 Biddie
• WHY does the Davenport prop the outside door open?!? I thought they were obsessed with being eco-friendly!!!
• THE QUIET FLOOR IS NOT A PLACE FOR YOU TO BE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.
• To the person who just blew a whistle at 2:30 a.m.: Idiot. I thought it was a rape whistle. Running down the stairs laughing is very mature, and I’m so glad that’s how you spend your evenings. In fact, you didn’t wake anyone up. Tip: Act like you belong in college and not in secondary education.
• It would be amazing if everything on this campus wasn’t covered in red tape. I’m surprised TDR doesn’t make you fill out forms every time you want to eat.
• Students who vomit on the shuttle or any other form of public transportation should have to stay until they clean it up and deodorize it themselves. Keep your chunks to yourself.
• There are signs in the residence halls that say “Wonk your way to success.” I’m sorry but that just sounds like “‘Eff’ your way to success.”
• My class on Tuesday interferes with Glee. This makes me a sad Gleek.
• Where did the library get those ugly posters behind the circulation desk?
